Toys R Us said it will hire about 35,000 seasonal workers during the holidays. The nation's largest toy seller said the amount is equal to its total work force hired during each of the previous two holiday seasons. Furthermore, existing employees will have the option to work additional hours during the season.  ***MARLAR: And possibly and extra scuttle of coal. 

Two Indiana brothers are starting a new holiday and have declared June 15^th, “Man Day” where people are urged to do “manly” things, such as football, hunting and watching Rocky movies. Someone should tell them that starting holidays is gay.

Valentines Day is one of those holidays where women troll for men. Because they go to a bar, get drunk, and wake up next to a troll. The question the next day always is, “Hi, whats your name? What draw bridge did I meet you under?”

New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg has announced that Bill and Hillary Clinton will have the honor of pushing the button that lowers the Times Square New Year's Eve Ball. According to CBS News, this year's ball "is double the size of previous balls and is covered in 2,668 Waterford Crystals...Organizers of the New Year’s Eve party say the bigger, brighter ball will remain in place all year atop the building at 1 Times Square to celebrate other holidays including Valentine’s Day, the Fourth of July and Halloween."

Imagine it — Bill in full glory! He’s used to lowering balls onto people’s faces, but only one person at a time. Tonight he’ll have a whole city looking up as his ball descends on them. And twice the size of most balls, naturally.

The honor is equally apropos for Hillary who, many have speculated over the years, has at least one ball. One presumes this won’t be the last ball dropped by the new secretary of state.

As for staying with us beyond New Year’s Eve -- through Valentine’s Day, Fourth of July, Halloween -- apparently this ball, unlike any New Year's ball before it, just won’t go away. When 2009 is finally over, there it’ll be again, making another grand entrance, for the dawning of yet another Clinton year — I mean ball year. It’s the ball for all seasons, the all-purpose ball — just like the all-purpose Clintons, those trick candles that just won’t go out, but stay with us for ever and ever…

I got a great deal yesterday.  I bought a senate seat for only $299.  

Capitalizing on the enormous popularity of Sarah Palin, FOX has announced that the Alaskan governor will star in three holiday specials:

Dec  4--"There's No Place Like Nome for the Holidays"

Dec 10--"I Can See the North Pole from My House"

Dec 15--"Santa Claus Is Coming to Town--You Betcha!" 

It's November 4 and already retailers are shoving Christmas music and merchandise down our throats.  Too fast.  And we wonder why teenagers are getting pregnant.  It's enough to make you elfin gag!