In Virginia, death row inmates get to choose between execution by electric chair or lethal injection. This limited number of choices reflects poorly on the state's creativity. How about death by fireworks, where the criminal is zapped by fireworks from Lady Gaga's bra? Or how about death by boredom, where a prisoner is forced to read the entire 2,000 page House of Representatives health care bill? (Oops, we forgot that "cruel and unusual punishment" is ruled out by the Eighth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.)

In related news, Joan Rivers cancels big Democratic fund raiser.  

What have we done to our kids tho seriously?, things were alot different when i was growing up, Fast food is now healthy, video games now have fucken fitness programmes, have you seen that shit. Wii Fit.got this fucken board that you stand on and it tells you how fat you are...wow, thanks...im glad i bought this game.

Seriously dont buy this game for your girlfriends if you EVER want to get laid again. Here you go honey its fun,stand on this..calculating body mass....Oh wow you got.... the high... score...yaaaaaaaay :s ..the couch?....ok :(. 

Today Headline.....

FAA glitch causes widespread US air travel delays!

Tomorrow Headline....

Health Care Administration glitch causes widespread Us deaths! 

 A proposal to levy a 5 percent surcharge on cosmetic procedures could help pay for the health overhaul.  Just think...Michael Jackson alone could have funded health care!

A Democratic senator from Arkansas is not sure if she'll vote for the health care bill because she wants to make sure that it's good for the people in her state.  I say, "Vote for the bill.  We'll fly all 7 people in your state to our New York doctors whenever they're sick!."

A western Pennsylvania Amish farmer was sentenced Tuesday to 90 days in jail after refusing to bring a pair of outhouses into compliance with state sewage laws. Andy Swartzentruber cited his conservative religious beliefs in refusing to abide by a court order to make the privies used by schoolchildren compliant and pay a $500 fine. In addition to the health issue, some teachers complained the Mr. Swartzentruber did not properly stock the outhouses. In fact, some of the students were using their assignments in the outhouse. A few of the younger students proceeded to turn in the soiled home work.

According to research at the Centre for Health and Society in Copenhagen, Denmark, babies who weigh six pounds or less at birth or more than 9.4 pounds are far more likely to die earlier as an adult than babies of average weight.  ***MARLAR: And what exactly are we supposed to do with this information – tell the unborn babies at six pounds that they’d better bulk up?

Under the new Healthcare plan,it looks like tranquilizers will be much cheaper,if you take them via darts.

Majority Leader Harry Reid is considering a plan for higher payroll taxes on upper-income earners to help finance health care legislation.   So apparently, health care willl be paid for by the New York Yankees.