The manager of a bank in Essex has apologized to a customer after sending him a debit card bearing the name Dick Head.

The customer whose name is neither Dick nor Head, said he did not spot the insult until he was handing over the card in a supermarket to pay for something a few days after it arrived in the post.

"I couldn't believe it," he said.

"When I got the card out I saw the name embossed on it. I was so embarrassed I put it back in my wallet.

"I know I've been overdrawn a few times but I've done nothing to deserve this.”

Listen Dick, have you looked in the mirror lately?

(We seem to be passing germs around but thanks to Dasher for this germ) 

It seems as though President Obama and Republican Mass. Senator-elect are actually distant relatives. And just when you thought Obama was having a hard enough time bringing Republicans to the table, now he has share it with them at Thanksgiving.   

WalMart has begun upgrading their stores with "Project Impact". The aim is to spruce up their stores to appeal to a more "Target" or "Best Buy"-type clientele. 

Great, but, what are they going to do to spruce up the white-trash clientele they already have?

(With thanks to Silly Willy for the germ of the joke!)

...Evangelical pastor Ted Haggard claims he is now free from homosexual tendencies thanks to an over the counter medication.  He credits the change to his use of the Bristol-Meyer product "Been-Gay." 

So, I walked into this store and there was a beautiful girl behind the counter.

I said, "Quick. Have you got something, anything that I can Stuff THIS Thing in? "

With thanks to Jesuit - Frank James

I feel much better about myself,when I watch Celebrity Rehab.I wish they had a Celebrity Surgeries.I'd love to see Tom Hanks have his spleen removed. 

Dear Burger King,
Please put your chocolaty Goodness at the bottom of the sundae and not just the top so I have something to aim for. Otherwise eating this Sundae is like watching a movie that goes nowhere.
Thanks

After a speech the other night, Sarah Palin dragged her entire family up on stage. 

Last time I saw a family on stage that looked like that, they were all throwing chairs at each other on "Jerry Springer".

A man who was famous for his incredible feats of strength died the other day at the age of 104 after being run over by a minivan. He once was known as "The World's Strongest Man"; he's now known as "The World's Flattest Man".

(with thanks to comedian Alex Schubert for the seed of the joke.)