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Search "Gunshot" returned 16 Jokes
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bix brillo
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science

By: bix brillo (C)
Submitted: Nov 13, 2009
Category: Weird  Staff Pick!

Hector Medina, one of Argentina's wealthiest men, had his body cryogenically frozen until medical science can develop a cure for gunshot wounds. 


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Steve Hofstetter's National Lampoon Sports Minute
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Vicente Padilla Shoots Self

By: Steve Hofstetter's National Lampoon Sports Minute (C)
Submitted: Nov 4, 2009
Category: Sports  
From Hot Topic

Los Angeles Dodgers

53 Jokes

Dodger Vicente Padilla was treated for a minor self-inflicted gunshot wound in his right leg. "Vicente Padilla" is Spanish for "Plaxico Burress."


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Steve Knowles
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Nigeria may lift ban on treating gunshot wounds

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Oct 15, 2009
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Junk Mail

23 Jokes  2 Videos

ABUJA, Nigeria (AP) - A Nigerian lawmaker says parliament is considering a bill that will make it a criminal offense for hospitals and medical workers to delay or deny treatment of gunshot wounds. 

inflicted by people fed up with Nigerian email scams.


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DARREN MARLAR
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Bulletproof Defibrillator

By: DARREN MARLAR (C)
Submitted: Oct 11, 2009
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Florida

330 Jokes  2 Videos

In Florida, a defibrillator implant is credited with saving a 61-year-old man's life -- but not in the way you'd expect. According to a report in the journal Heart Rhythm, our friend had a Medtronic implantable cardiac defibrillator to prevent sudden cardiac arrest. Turns out it's also very good at stopping bullets! The guy suffered a gunshot wound to the chest, but had no damage to his lungs or circulatory system because the bullet became lodged in the stopwatch-sized device. Surgeons removed metal fragments and the device from the man's chest and he was discharged from the hospital the next day.  ***MARLAR: The difficult part is asking your would-be murderer to please shoot you in exactly this place right here... no, just a couple inches to the left... yeah, there... okay now you can shoot me...

 


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Morton Conti
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Maine Surf' n Turf Wars.

By: Morton Conti (C)
Submitted: Oct 4, 2009
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Maine

64 Jokes  4 Videos

 A turf war in the lobster-rich waters off Maine escalated into a dispute that left a lobsterman with a gunshot wound to the neck and another in jail.... When local law-enforcement official Alice T. Hale was asked to comment she said "we are grilling a suspect in custody right now and it looks like he's in alot of hot water" When asked how she cracked the case she said she will soon be releasing more information including other suspects, in fact everything... but her source.


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Steve Knowles
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Freddie Mac Acting CFO David Kellermann Found Dead

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Apr 23, 2009
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Bailout

317 Jokes  4 Videos

Freddie Mac Acting Chief Financial Officer David Kellermann, 41, was found dead of an apparent suicide by hanging.

Police said that the three gunshot wounds to his head, and his involvement with the nation's largest financial meltdown, were completely coincidental.

 

 


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Greg Manuel
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Charlton Heston Dead

By: Greg Manuel (C)
Submitted: Apr 7, 2008
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Las Vegas

117 Jokes  3 Videos

It seems that actor and NRA spokesman Charlton Heston died over the weekend, and nobody wants to say how.

Hm.

Okay, people - place your bets, place your bets! $20 on "Accidental Gunshot Wound to the Face!" Any takers?

They say his wife was with him when it happened. Extra $5 on his last words being, "Of course the safety's o - "

Oh, like Vegas hasn't already put some odds on this...

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Alex Fossella
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Deep-diving Discovery!

By: Alex Fossella (C)
Submitted: Dec 19, 2007
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Animal

1056 Jokes  34 Videos

Scientists recently discovered why deep-diving sea-animals don't black out.

They stop at two shots.

That joke should be followed by a rimshot and a gunshot.

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Burt Hansen
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NYC Noise Code

By: Burt Hansen (C)
Submitted: Jun 25, 2007
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

New York City

332 Jokes  42 Videos

New York City revised its noise code adding new regulations to quiet things like construction work, barking dogs, and barroom music. All in effort to one day hear the crystal clear sound of a gunshot.

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Alan Schwartz
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Man sleeps through gunshot wound to the head

By: Alan Schwartz (C)
Submitted: May 22, 2007
Category: News  

Said the man when he woke: "Is it just me or is this the worst hangover ever?"

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