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This week, Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama met with Federal Reserve Chief Ben Bernanke. I wasn’t at the meeting, but I’m pretty sure it went down like this…
Obama: Thank you Mr. Bernanke, for letting me speak with you today.
Bernanke: Actually, you’ve come at the right time- there is an urgent matter we need to discuss!
Obama: The housing crisis? Interest rates? Stagflation? What?
Bernanke: No. I don’t even recognize any of those terms. In fact, I’m pretty sure you made the last one up.
Obama: You mean “stagflation”?
Bernanke: Enough with your Zulu gibberish, heathen! Speak in the Queen’s English, Mustafa- you’re not in Kenya anymore!
Obama: What the hell are you talking about?
Bernanke: Silence!! The mighty Fed Chief is speaking. (Blows on loudly on conch shell) Now Mustafa, I have to talk with you, privately and preferably naked, on pressing matters... You see, for years I’ve been sporting a look that does not fit in with the classically handsome looks of a Federal Reserve Chief.
Obama: I think you’re quite handsome, sir. You’ve got a Trapper John M.D. thing going on.
Bernanke: That’s the problem. Trapper John is and will always be the Harvey “Two Face” Dent of late 70’s television- hideous to the core! I can never compare to the Adonis known as Alan Greenspan. That’s why I want you to make me look like him. Now hit me square on the face with this frying pan, then put these leeches on my eyebrows! Do it or I’ll create another housing bubble!!!
Obama: I think you’ve lost your mind.
Bernanke: Lose my mind? Never! I am Gozer the Key Master! Are you the Gatekeeper?
Obama: The Gatekeeper?
Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson: I am the Gatekeeper. And like all gatekeepers, I believe covered bonds have the potential to increase mortgage underwriting! Now where’s my human sacrifice?
Bernanke & Paulson: (wearing war paint on their faces) Kill the pig! Slash his throat! Bash him in!
Obama: Man these guys are almost as weird as Sarkozy.
(Theme song from “Family Matters” plays) END
(Ok, maybe the meeting didn’t happen exactly like this, but I was really high when I wrote this post.)
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Vice President Dick Cheney on Wednesday disputed former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan's portrayal of the Bush administration's economic policies as fiscally reckless. Cheney demanded that Greenspan drop the word 'fiscally' from his comment.
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