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So, basically, three things happened on the radio today.
1. Myka confessed she had a crush on Dave Kasten after watching him attempt to end Pauly Confusion’s life. So she’s into violence. So what? Shes not going to leave her boyfriend for Kasten. Even if she left her boyfriend, she said, she wouldn’t go for Kasten. Outraged, Matty Goldberg called in to console the Rabid Dog and to train him to master the art of seduction. They role-played so that Kasten could practice talking to a woman as a means of “getting” her, and resulted in a conversation that droned on with mild small talk. Unconvinced of Matty’s authority to teach Kasten’s way into a woman’s pants, Myka challenged him to try and pick her up. What followed in the next thirty seconds was a cacophony of childish name calling, assumptions of playing hard to get, and inevitable defeat.Kasten was not to give up easily, though, and revealed he had learned a MOVE. A secret move for pleasuring women known by few and desired by all. He wouldn’t give many details as he did not want to give away his hand, but he did admit that the MOVE involved his finger, tongue, and an assortment of canned cat foods.Good for you, Kasten!
2. Dillon from Punchline Magazine called in not to give a Punchline update, but rather to whine about having only a modicum of moral structure. Not enough morals for him to help a gas station attendant out by paying for the extra gas that was accidentally poured into his tank, but enough morals to feel bad about it at night when he is alone with his evil thoughts. In a miguided attemp, he sought the crew and listener’s opinions on what he should have done. Most everyone concurred that Dillon should have just paid for the gas. An attempt to contact said gas station attendant was made, but Dillon would not say which gas station it was fearing that we might find the attendant had killed himself over having to pay for the gas with three hours of extra work. Good for you, Dillon!
3. Speaking of evil thoughts, Kurt Metzger called in and admitted that he was raised as a Jehova’s Witness. Danny thought this was awesome until he was informed that Jehova’s Witnesses were not Mormans and could therefor not have a million girlfriends. What Danny and the crew discovered was that Jehova’s Witnesses were an entirely different religious sect (of Christianity), having only in common that they were practiced by the extreme crazies. Iacono went for blood looking for Kurt to admit that any success he gained from a comedy set in Montreal could be credited to the boyish laugh of one Danny Lobell. Metzger conceded immediately, offering that he had gained zero success from that set, and an uncomfortable silence was enjoyed by all. Kurt said it was great to find that Myka was still alive after she failed to reutrn his calls, and then went on to prove how well he connected with the MTV generation in his work there. Good for you, Kurt!
4. (okay, so more things happened) A call was place to former intern DINA. Six months pregnant, sirens could be heard from behind the hot-dog stand she was working at. She said she has been living with her mom and has decided to allow her abusive boyfriend into her and her baby’s life provided he attend counseling. Good for you, Dina!
5. The show wrapped with a Kasten minute about being annoyed by nature hikes and eating peed on leaves. Good for you, Chris!
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Whoopi Cushions Michael Vick in 'View' Debut
Whoopi Goldberg used her first day on the daytime chat show Tuesday to defend football star Michael Vick in his dogfighting case. Goldberg said that "from where he comes from" in the South, dogfighting isn't that unusual.
Goldberg said that for many people, dogs are sport, adding that it took a while for Vick to realize he was up against serious charges. "I just thought it was interesting, because it seemed like a light went off in his head when he realized this was something that the entire country didn't appreciate."
In that case, Goldberg would understand if, as punishment, Vick was lynched just as his dogs were, since where he comes from in the South, lynching black people wasn't that unusual until recently. In fact, many considered it a sport, and I thought it was interesting to see a light go off in some KKKs' heads when they saw they were up against serious charges and realized this was something the entire country didn't appreciate.
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A Cooper City commissioner wants to discuss a ban on feeding ducks after learning of a messy dispute between two neighbors. Darlene Goldberg, 56, said her neighbor feeds about a half-dozen ducks every day, which leads to poop all over her patio furniture. She also asked that her neighbor stop gfeeding her grandchildren.
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10. My sister is sweet, smart, and as delicate as a flower. You are not good enough to breathe her air. Please remember that. 9. If you the loser are tempted to take my sister out you are only to go to the library, the airport, or church. That way the date will be educational. Please bring me a recipt to show you were there. 8. I know the trick about Goldberg selling the bulletins near the church. You cannot trick me though. I will be following you. 7. You the loser are only to talk to my sister between the hours of 6-8 at night. She has homework to do. You are only to talk to her for a half hour max. The less she sees of you the better. 6. I have schooled my sister in the tricks and deception of the male mind. She knows what you want when you say, "Come to my place to watch tv." She is not watching tv at your place. 5. While we are on the subject of sex lets talk about birth control. If in a moment of weakness my sister lets you even go near her picture me over your shoulder smiling with a baseball bat. Its not just an image, I may actually show up with one if that test turns up positive. 4. We both know you are not simply friends with that slut you dated in high school. She is easy ass if things go south with my sister. However, if I hear you are unfaithful your dick is gone. 3. If my sister breaks up with you its because she realized she is too good for you, remember that. We both know you will be manipulative and whine. And if you attempt to smear my sister be aware there will be consequences. 2. If you make my sister cry I will make you cry. And I get a kick out of breaking men and making them cry. Ask any of my ex-boyfriends. 1. If the following threats do not scare you remember, we have an older brother.
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