In Virginia, death row inmates get to choose between execution by electric chair or lethal injection. This limited number of choices reflects poorly on the state's creativity. How about death by fireworks, where the criminal is zapped by fireworks from Lady Gaga's bra? Or how about death by boredom, where a prisoner is forced to read the entire 2,000 page House of Representatives health care bill? (Oops, we forgot that "cruel and unusual punishment" is ruled out by the Eighth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.)

Oprah has announced today that her show will be ending in September of 2011…or 15 months earlier than the Mayans predicted.

   America's young people seem barely able to make change; understand almost nothing about government; hardly read and, certainly, can't write.

   Yet, they talk, text and tweet incessantly.

   About what?  

San Diego police are still trying to find the suspect in what they’re calling the “This Ain’t No Joke” robbery series: A Cold Stone Creamery, one Pinkberry and one TF Yogurt robbed within 90 minutes Sunday. The crime method was the same in all five cases. The robber burst through the door and yelled something like “This ain’t no joke:

I’m serious. This is a robbery.” Later that day, comedian Louie Anderson surrendered without incident.

I went into Mc donalds the other day  and theve got all this mc cafe shit, mc cafe le cafe

im like, really? thats what kids want now?  A fucken fritatta and a latte?

I guess its all just money at the end of the day tho, but i mean couldnt you come up with something better then a fucken cafe? seriously? you are a multi billion dollar company and your idea is to put another food outlet...in your..... food.... outlet? wtf

Personally my idea.....Mcwhore house..im serious,it would work, just dont get confused about where you are,thats all im saying... walk up to the madaam and order a quater pounder with cheese, cause ull end uop with an anorexic chick with thrush sitting on ya face 

What have we done to our kids tho seriously?, things were alot different when i was growing up, Fast food is now healthy, video games now have fucken fitness programmes, have you seen that shit. Wii Fit.got this fucken board that you stand on and it tells you how fat you are...wow, thanks...im glad i bought this game.

Seriously dont buy this game for your girlfriends if you EVER want to get laid again. Here you go honey its fun,stand on this..calculating body mass....Oh wow you got.... the high... score...yaaaaaaaay :s ..the couch?....ok :(. 

There is a severe shortage of Eggo Waffles,due to excesive rain and listeria bacteria.Although,I suppose you could close your eyes and munch on some Legos.

The economy is so bad that Eggos are now facing rationing! 

 I was golfing the other day and one of my feet was feeling cold.  I took off my shoes to investigate and realized that after years and years of walking the course, I had finally made a hole in one.

A news article revealed today that there's a staggering shortage of Eggo Waffles. Kellogg will start rationing supplies, while Aunt Jemima Syrup will be brought in via The Underground RailRoad.