The New York Mets will be participating in the Yankees Word Series parade.They will be removing trash from the streets,for their only sweep of the season. 

Why do we have a legal term called a "Crime of Passion"? Is it possible to murder somebody and your heart's not into it?

"Yes, your honor, I did stab him 20 times, but honestly by the second knifewound, I was just going through the motions. Your honor, have you ever decapitated a man while freezing in the woods by a shallow grave and thought to yourself 'What am I doing with my life?' I thought multiple homicides would be fun, but really, it got old after my second victim. In fact, when I bought my duct tape, garbage bags and lime for this last murder, I didn't even bother buying one item per hardware store to cover my tracks! It was turning into a chore! Serial killing is not supposed be a damn chore! I'm really sorry, your honor...no, not for the killings. I'm sorry I'm wasting your valuable time with a run-of-the-mill murder trial."

Do you remember the commercial back in the 1970's about littering? The one with the crying Indian?  

He'd walk the land picking up the garbage that others left behind. People would throw a bag of McDonalds out at him and he'd cry.

 I never figured out...what was he so upset for? It wasn't HIS LAND ANYMORE ~ 

I've been watching the Little League World Series.When I was 12,I was a 5'10" pitcher.I scared the kids so badly,they could barely keep down their concession stand garbage.

LA finally wised up and got rid of the Clippers.

A kindergarten teacher in a Bridgeport school has been arrested for allegedly forcing a 5-year-old boy to eat his lunch from a garbage can. Parents thanked teacher for not making the child eat McDonald's.

After 17 years of research involving 38,654 murders, an FBI study, "Murder and Materials," concludes that the U.S. murder rate can be cut by 54% by eliminating those dark green (opaque) 33-gallon garbage bags, and, duct tape.

In fact, in thousands of cases, the expected perp first checked and found only clear/colorless bags and /or no duct tape and decided that killing was out of the question! 

A leak from the U.S. Secret Service indicates that VP Cheney left the White House Bunker at 3 AM one morning last week with a highly-classified CIA report:  'DO NOT INVADE IRAQ!!! THE TERRORISTS ARE IN AFGHANISTAN!'  Embarrassed, Cheney spoke up and said, "Never keep garbage for the next Bunker Man to find! I'm headed for a shredder." 

We're closed but we plan to open any day now. Keep in mind, we fired the old guard and hired a whole new board of corporate spin doctors who are now spinning a spider's web of economic stimulus packages. These include ciphering off an estimated $780 million originally earmarked for Hurricane Katrina victims in southern Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama that was inadvertently placed in a slush fund for slimy sea snail research in the Aleutian Islands. Other funding will come from a derivative package put together by a legion of compulsive gamblers who all hold MBAs and were recently released from a federal prison for insider trading deals.

Please note above everything, we fired our old CEO, CFO and Chairman of the Board, who, by the way, was the highest paid Corporate welfare cheat in not only North America, but in the entire Milky Way Galaxy. Yep, we fired the old coot (actually, he was only 29) but all he did was play golf, drink $1,000 fifths of overpriced wine by the crateful and try to accost and dismantle each and every female mammal that crossed his path.

Don’t worry, we have it all covered. We’re blaming George W. Bush and the first and only Ed MacMahon of all U.S. VP's, Dick "Chainsaw" Cheney for all of this, friends. It’s all their fault!!! They’re responsible for the recent hurricanes, recent tectonic plate explosions and the mysterious win, place and show tickets that have placed a slew of losing trotters and pacers in the winner’s circle in recent weeks at Yonkers, Northfield Park, Meadowlands and other equine fantasy fields. That pair of Machiavellian Voodoo doctors! Hyaaaa!

We at the Global Goodtimes Bank say "Good Riddance to Bad Garbage!" Come on in & sit (or set) a spell. We've got the coffee on, er- ah- actually we have hot water, bring `yer own java beans. Actually, we’re in need of a little coffee maker, do any of you have an extra one?

- Global Goodtimes Bank Inc., a community-oriented global Savings and Loan Society

"Are you kidding me, the mayor of Wasilla, Alaska? Yeah, that’s who you want in the White House during a time of crisis. When she got a phone call at 3 in the morning, it was because a moose had gotten in the garbage can."

Bill Maher