Police in Lima, Peru claim to have busted a human-fat trafficking ring.. Allegedly, fat tissue was harvested from the victims and sold to European cosmetic labs for as much as $60,000 a gallon...
At that price, Jennifer Lopez and Kim Kardashian are literally sitting on gold mines...

Proctor-Silex, maker of the world's best toasters, is getting into the automobile industry.  The first cars have rolled off the assembly line, look great, and get 35 miles to the gallon.  The only downside so far is that they pop you out of your seat every 8 minutes.  

A cat who rode two miles through New York City while stuck in the engine compartment of an SUV has lived to meow about it. Wilfred Rodriguez heard rattling while he was driving Monday in the Bronx. After he parked, he spotted a bushy tail and a paw sticking out of the SUV's front end. He was relieved when the paw moved. Detectives with the New York Police Department's Emergency Service Unit freed the grease-covered kitty by removing the SUV's battery and other vehicle parts. Richard Gentles of New York City Animal Care & Control says the tan-and-white stray appears to be in good physical shape.  ***MARLAR: He now boasts his SUV gets nine lives a gallon.

Sioux City has a message for smokers. The city is no ashtray. In an effort to clean up the cigarette butts tossed on sidewalks and streets, the city is offering businesses 4-gallon trashcans as it kicks off an anti-liter campaign. In a similar move, Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Apario informed businesses that in order to erase the unsightly scene of illegal immigrants gathering around businesses such as Home Depot and Lowe’s, the sheriffs office would be handing out 55-gallon containers and adult body bags, no questions asked.

Sioux City has a message for smokers. The city is no ashtray. In an effort to clean up the cigarette butts tossed on sidewalks and streets, the city is offering businesses 4-gallon trashcans as it kicks off an anti-liter campaign. In a similar move the city of New York has a message for its smokers, listen crack heads, the city is no ashtray. Smokers across the city responded by telling the city of New York bite me!

General Motors made headlines with the new Chevrolet Volt electric car.

Among its amazing features, it is said to get 230 miles per gallon, and, because of its amazing gas millage, is rumored to run on gas companies tears.

Navy Captain Scott Gureck of the Pacific Fleet said he would have informed the public of the USS Port Royal discharging 5,000 gallons of raw sewage off the coast of Hawaii, but that he didn’t know about it.  Making the scrambled eggs on his hat appear more like egg on his face.  The Navy divers who were inspecting the ship’s hull when the discharge took place, could only WISH they had egg on their faces.

The USS Port Royal discharged about 5,000 gallons of raw sewage when the warship was grounded a half mile off Oahu.  The Captain admitted that the Ship's sudden grounding, “Scared the shit out of us!”

President-elect Barack Obama will take his first ride as president in a custom-made heavily armored Cadillac limosuine.  The vehicle is remarkably fuel effecient--getting an EPA estimated 32 feet per gallon.  

The choice of vehicle is a likely show of support for GM, the beleaguered Detroit automaker that received a $13.4 billion government loan last month.   In a nod to Chrysler,  Vice President-elect Joe Biden will be riding in a 1986 Plymouth Voyager.

After 17 years of research involving 38,654 murders, an FBI study, "Murder and Materials," concludes that the U.S. murder rate can be cut by 54% by eliminating those dark green (opaque) 33-gallon garbage bags, and, duct tape.

In fact, in thousands of cases, the expected perp first checked and found only clear/colorless bags and /or no duct tape and decided that killing was out of the question!