He’s likely to face tough questions: How to create jobs? How to pass healthcare legislation? What, pray tell, was Lady Gaga wearing to the Grammy’s?

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I couldn't care if Lady Gaga has a penis. I'm more concerned if Adam Lambert has one.

Tiger Woods sent in his Christmas list to Santa today .  " Oh please Santa if I promise to be a good Boy will you please send me all those hot chicks from the Girls Next Door - Kendra, Bridget, Holly, Kristina, Karissa, and Crystal . Also Santa I would love to have  Carrie Prejean, Lady GaGa, Heidi Klum, Charlize Theron, and the tall Blonde that crashed the White House party last week ." ... A very annoyed Santa wrote back , " Tiger, because you have been such a naughty Boy this past year I'm sending you Oprah Winfrey, Whoopi Goldberg, and Gabourey 'Gabby' Sidibe "

In Virginia, death row inmates get to choose between execution by electric chair or lethal injection. This limited number of choices reflects poorly on the state's creativity. How about death by fireworks, where the criminal is zapped by fireworks from Lady Gaga's bra? Or how about death by boredom, where a prisoner is forced to read the entire 2,000 page House of Representatives health care bill? (Oops, we forgot that "cruel and unusual punishment" is ruled out by the Eighth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.)

Kanye West abruptly canceled his tour with Lady GaGa yesterday.  Something about him not wanting to share the tour bus men's room with her.

"Gaga, ooga, magda, figda, slumdoo, and foomah." This joke was so good that it caused the Staff to pick their noses. Usually, they're pretty snotty, but not this time!

Lady Gaga and Michael Bolton will team up on Bolton's upcoming album, One World One Love.

Bolton says that "between the two of us, I think we'll find just the right mix of mediocre and bland." 

Y'think Lady Gaga was popular in high school?

I think she was. In fact, I bet her yearbook had scores of entries...

...and by "yearbook," I mean her uterus. 

I'm not saying Lady Gaga comes off like a nightclub skank, but I'll bet anybody a Happy Meal that when she came up with "Poker Face," she was in a men's room stall...

...and her knees were sore the whole next day...

...and that was just three more guys who'd never call back. 

I happened to catch Britney Spears' "If You Seek Amy" followed closely by Lady Gaga's "Just Dance" and then the Pussycat Dolls' "Buttons" on the radio, and y'know, I have a feeling that it won't be too long before we see a female pop group with a truly honest stage name:

"And now, performing their smash hit single 'I Swallow So You'll Like Me' from their debut album titled 'Self Esteem' - give it up for DADDY ISSUES!!"

I think it would make for a nice change of pace, don't you?