During an appearance on “Larry King Live”, singer/awful actress Mariah Carey revealed that she was “emotionally abused” in a past relationship.

That’s funny… I said the same thing after seeing “Glitter”. 

An elderly couple in Lapland were treated at a hospital after they were attacked by a reindeer.  ***MARLAR: Well now, that "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" song doesn't seem all that funny anymore, does it?

That day was long and hard and very difficult for the lawyer. He came home and the wife didn't say anything, just brought him dinner and left him alone.

After dinner, the lawyer went upstairs to take a bath and go to bed. His wife was listening to the radio, when the news said the Governor was commuting Wright's sentence to life imprisonment! 

you know what doesnt go down well

a prostitute with a neck injury

some people play music all the time 

i hate stereotypes

how many retards does it take to make a cup of tea 

only one as this is their only skill

Richard Heene, father of "balloon boy", Falcon,  will have a big announcement to make : "David Letterman is my son's TRUE Father!"

 Toyota announced that they are introducing a new sportscar, along with a new version of the color red. The red color of a Japanese monkey’s backside. Yeah, I want to own a "Monkey Ass Red" car...and that "new car smell"...yeah, that'll really sell it! Or Smell it!

When you're too depressed to participate in National Depression Screening Day.

Stephanie Birkitt's diary is allegedly so full of hot details about her affair with Dave Letterman, "Girls Gone Wild" producer Joseph R. Francis is taking an option on it, movie to be titled " Laid Night With David Letterman".