An elderly local sign-maker found that he had in stock over 20,000 somewhat dated placards, declaring :  "The Customer Is Always Right."

   The oldtimer was not optimistic about selling these signs --until he got an idea and made a quick phone call.

   Fox News bought them all. 

Relax folks......This is a song of mine played over the radio. I am a loveable trainwreck I know. Some people use Match.com. Others use EHarmony. I say screw that. I use the methadone clinic.  

In related news, Barack Obama announced he will increase funding for PBS and will appoint Elmo as his new media czar.

Sources close to the negotiations say that if Obama will agree to be interviewed, Fox News headquarters will allow an inspection of their nuclear program. 

An Obama administration official said consideration would have had to been given to bringing down the plane unless it was deemed to be headed straight toward Fox News headquarters.

...Ozzie Guillen will join the Fox sports network as on-air commentator during the World Series.  However, Guillen will be on a 7-profanity delay.   

Foul-mouthed Ozzie Guillen will be an analyst on Fox during the World Series. Guillen is already looking forward to mispronouncing, "Fox."

An Obama administration official said that Fox News is only interested in making money.  How ironic, the one business to make money because of the actions of the Obama administration is Fox News.

The nearly 50-year old 'actress' now claims her tell-all book about her sexual playtimes with daddy are all a hoax to try to get money for her Unpox-A-Face Foundation, à la  Michael J. Fox's shaking it up with Parkinson's donations. Oprah will even soon start up her own charity, teaming up with that famous cellist. Hers will be known as, 'The Be No Yo-Yo Fat Fund!' Note: Mackenzie still claims that Mick Jagger gives really good head!