Why did the condom fly across the bedroom ?

It was pissed off !

 Imagine if people could fly? We'd sure teach them seagulls a thing or two about karma.

To celebrate the Tour de France JetBlue says schwinn you travel to the Pacific Rim all bikes fly free

But you pedal act soon this deal ends at the spoke of midnight July 31^st

All kids guaranteed free pop-cycles to munch on while stuck on the tarmac

In case of an emergency lie flat on your bike and circle your feet like you just don’t care

Hey, Ho, Hey Ho

And speaking of hoes JetBlue wants to let you know hip hop artist BMX will be on the wheels of steel for your listening pleasure

 SPA, Belgium (AP) -- Lance Armstrong bloodied his thigh in a tumble to the asphalt Monday, one of dozens of Tour de France riders ensnared in crashes Monday.
With so many riders downed in crashes, organizers said they briefly considered canceling the stage altogether. Many of Lance's friends have asked him to quit. They think he's crazy, his wife thinks he's insane, and others think he's just plain nut.

Republican Senate candidate Mark Kirk apologized for exaggerating and misstating his biography in his campaign to win Barack Obama's former seat.  Kirk had incorrectly suggested that he came under fire while flying a military mission over Iraq.  Kirk corrected his statement by saying that during the war he served in the Western Iraqi town of Chicago.   

He had an unfortunate encounter with Grinder Girl. Dean wasn’t cremated. So much for “out of the frying pan, into the fire.” It was an open skillet funeral service. Dean was buried in a giant biscuit smothered in gravy. People are really upset. The flag has been flying at half mast at Cracker Barrels across the country.

The main reason that I don't like to fly is that I get freaked out anytime anything doesn't go smoothly.  We were on approach into Chicago and we started to hit a lot of turbulence and I looked out the window and saw lightening in the clouds and I was getting really freaked out.  Suddenly I heard a voice behind me yell "OH NO! and I was like Oh No, everyone is going to start panicking.  And then a minute later I heard "OH NO!"  and I was like "OH NO?", my palms were sweating and I just wanted the pilot to land the plane.  Then a moment later I heard "OH NO!"  And I was like "What the!?" and I turned around and the couple behind me was playing UNO.  Now I know there are a lot flight restrictions already, but do you think we could ban UNO cards during lightning storms, would that be alright with everyone?

If a butterfly flies into your toilet, would you call it a potty moth?

The United States training session ahead of Saturday's World Cup Group C opener with England was briefly delayed after an elephant blocked the route of the team bus. To be fair, Kirstie Alley just wanted some autographs.
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