Teachers in Milwaukee are fighting to get Viagra drug coverage back.  Gee, I wonder why teachers would need Viagra.

The CEOs of Dell and Hewlett Packard are fighting like mad over a company called 3Par. Although recently cash-strapped, analysts report that a third party will soon enter the contest; a ruthless competitor in desperate need of a 3 par...Tiger Woods!

Milwaukee teachers union is taking a peculiar stand by fighting to get their taxpayer-funded Viagra back. They feel it is job related because it is getting more difficult to keep up with the students.

Long standing member of Congress Charlie Rangel says he’ll keep fighting despite worries that it’ll turn into a full blown spectacle

PETA immediately warned that the parading of a Donkey amounts to cruel and unusual punishment akin to a slave auction or Lady Ga Ga video

  After attacks from animal rights groups, lawmakers have banned bullfighting in Barcelona, Spain.... Don’t worry, the out-of-work bulls will now go a place where people enjoy them the most— inside an Arby’s sandwich.

January, 22, 2010

The United States Redneck Special Forces:

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)

These boys will be dropped off in Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don’t like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt .

UPDATE (JULY 23, 2010)

News from the field:

Being a USRSF operative in the mid-east mud-flap brigade, I have to say that it feels darn good to finally get some recognition up in this Mo-Fo. Things have been getting a little dicey around these parts as of late. We ran out of Kodiak around last night and the Iraqi chew taste like something out of a Eddie Murphy Love Pump. Although, a tin of Skoal did save Cpl. Billy’s life in a most unexpected way.
We appreciate the warm Milwaukee’s Best light you all been shipping out monthly, as well as the Yosemite Sam tank tops. I will update you further in the upcoming weeks, but for now, I got me a Sherpa to molest. More later..

Did you hear Playboy and Penthouse are fighting?

This won’t have a happy ending will it?

Hands up if you agree 

You see I'm right

This is the first time where hands and sex mags are this close together and your hands are above your waist not below

Not good...Not good 

I was in the Valuu Vilage, you may know it better as ValueVillage, gettong a costume. Actually a little side story for ya before I getinto it. After VV I went over to Aren’t We Naughty, just bc, u know, its a funplace just to walk around, see who can last the longest without getting aboner... Fuck you it’s a fun game, whatever, it doesn’t matter if I play it bymyself... I just do time trials, it still works... Anyways so I was in thebrowsin and they had a plunger in a glass case, with a little red sign next toit that said “Break in case of emergency” I didn’t get it at first but then Irealized I was in the anal beads section. *Action* You know cuz if they gotstuck you’d have to, you know…yeah you got it.

Anyways back to VV, that store is amazing bc it always has what ur lookin for…It’s actually ranked #2 in the world for costumes….2^nd only to Mr. Dressup’s Tickle Trunk…God rest his sweet sweet soul…They both blow the mind tho, even at 5 yrs old you’rethinking how many fucking random outfits could possibly be in that damn trunk? (I started swearing at a terribly young age.) VV is also mind blowing tho, bc even at 23 I’m still walking in thinking how many fucking random outfits could possibly be in that damn store? I think VV might be even more impressive though… No offense to the late, great, beautiful, just wonderful really, Ernie Combs... bc instead of just needing a bear costume ur walkin goin “I don’t think they’re gunna have white face paint a white glove and a naked ten-year-old-boy.” You end up walking out goin “YES! I am gunna get to be Michael Jackson for Halloween after all!!” OU... I know I was shocked that they sold naked ten yearolds at Value Village too, that’s some fucked up shit... I think the funniest part about that joke is that I had to buy white face paint to be Michael Jackson cuz I used to be WAY whiter than him.

VV is so amazing that I’m convinced that’s where the VillagePeople were formed…. They went in just a regular group of guys lookin for Halloween costumes and came out a bunch flamboyant singers with different occupations. Some of them didn’t even have jobs…..Well you guys took pretty much all the jobs but I found this great headdress…good enough…ur in. Well what should we call ourselves? How about the Value Village Elite?? Naw, too long, not catchy enough…What about the Village people? DONE!

I love that store, it’s the only store in the world that youhave to watch out for broken glass on the ground and abandoned babies on thelower shelves. I also love that in most stores if realize u don’t want something anymore, u put it back. In VV u just drop kick it.

Remember the good old days when all the price tags were just stapled on there? If you found something over-priced u just did the oldswitch-a-roo with a price you thought was a little more reasonable. $3 for aLed Zeppelin tee? Phhh, grab me that Mickey Mouse sweater for a buck..And you didn’t have to feel bad either bc as long u put that $3 tag back on the sweater The Valuu is makin the same amount of cash…and you know some grandma is gunna find it… “Well isn’t this just the darndest little sweater, $3! What a deal!”

Their slogan is “fight boring” …real tough VV pickin a fight with an adjective…I think if they were going to fight an adjective they’d prolly have a better chance fightin “classy” or “sanitary”

Speaking of fighting classy and sanitary, how about the women’s lingerie section…. Unbelievable, I always wonder what these ladies are thinking browsin for lingerie in VV, “Well it’s Bill’s birthday on Saturday…I guess I’d better buy something nice to wear….ooo this yellow matches my teeth perfectly!”

They now have “fun bags”, they realized that they should start grouping all the random shit together and sell the “fun bag” for like 3 bucks or whatever….The one fun bag had a burger flipper, a mouse trap and like 6 bouncy balls….I guess their logic here was, if ur buying anything that touches ur food from VV then u definitely have mice and mostly likely have like 6 kids, prolly with 4 different fathers, but who are we to judge?

I think one the worst jobs in the world would be working at the return counter at VV…Yes hi I’d like to return this vacuum…it doesn’twork…What the fuck did u expect, u bought a vacuum from VV…idiot.

Detroit's Chief of Police is being heavily criticized for his paramilitary tactics to fight crime in his city. A spokesman for the police department is denying rumors that the next step in fighting crime is using "Robocop."

 Obama spoke to  the Vice President today  . In a candid conversation, this is what he said : .. " Joe, the first thing I think of when I wake up is that nasty leak in the Gulf . I just don't know what the hell to do about it ? " .....  " During the later part of the morning I worry about the war on terror and our troops fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq  " ....  " After lunch I am concerned about the deteriorating economies in Europe and Asia  "......"  By mid-afternoon my unpopular healthcare bill lays heavy on my mind ." ......"  The late afternoon brings me no relief because I don't know how to deal with those tyrants in Iran and North Korea ? " ..."  At dinner I think of the immigration and illegal alien problem . What am i gonna do about it, Joe ? " ......   " By early evening it's the high unemployment rate overhere . I pray it improves soon ." ...... " Just before bedtime I concentrate on what taxes I can raise and creating new ones . "......."  Joe , you know what I think about after I close the light and jump into bed  ? "   " It's that hot babe that crashed my dinner party !  "  (.)(.)  ....... "  I don't remember her name but I call her B.P., .. the Blonde Partycrasher ."