Several avid fight fans were arguing about who was the dirtiest boxer of all time.

   The winner named a little-known journeyman, Kirk "The Toe" Kowalski, who was involved in twelve stoppages on cuts--to his opponent's shins. 

Senator Robert Ryrd (D-WV) is the longest-serving congress member. Apparently he's
been fighting for a public option before there was even a public.
 

Authorities in a small North Dakota coal mining town want bar owners to install surveillance systems after a rush of brawls that some people liken to those seen in John Wayne’s western movies. Oliver County State’s Attorney Mike Liffrig’s proposal includes requiring owners to report fights immediately. Some bar owners oppose the surveillance, one bar owner Tom Merion said it would violate his patron’s right to speak freely. Mr. Merion was then cold cocked by a customer having a drink at his bar. The customer was heard yelling “Who you calling a patron.”

Manny Pacquiao weighed in at 144 pounds, his heaviest ever, while Miguel Cotto came in at the contract limit of 145 pounds for their scheduled 12-round fight Saturday night.   Also much anticipated is the preliminary bout on Saturday night between Mike Tyson and a TMZ paparazzo.

Two students claim they were recently pushed by Michigan athletic director Bill Martin. It's never a good sign when your AD has more fight in him than your football team.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has revealed that he is fighting a rare form of leukemia.I,for one,think it should be renamed Lew Alcindor Kemia.By the way,Lou Gehrig ghost wrote this joke.

Joe Jackson is asking a judge to award him an allowance from the estate of Michael Jackson, even though he's not mentioned anywhere in the will.. The judge responded, "You?.. want an allowance?.. from your deceased son??... Alright, I'll give you 10 bucks a week.. but you have to sweep up the giraffe pen at Neverland and help Prince Michael with his math homework."

President Barack Obama signed a joint resolution of the Senate and the House that made Casimir Pulaski an honorary citizen, 230 years after the Polish nobleman died fighting for the American colonies against the British.   In a statement released today, Senator John McCain said, "It was a privilege and honor for me to fight along side this brave man."

10. You are sitting around when a girl you know is a real bitch comes up to you and says, “You look really put together. Like you aren’t on drugs today.” Your response, “Well, that’s normally the way I tolerate you. Too bad I don’t have that buffer today. Damn those twelve steps.”

9. You have been ranting and raving on the phone about a sucky day you are having when this woman, who is publically breast feeding and has her tits hanging out for all to see, tells you to be quiet because this language will corrupt her child. That’s when you hand the homeless crackhead ten bucks and tell him to grab her tits. That will put her in her place.

8. A rich snob that lives in your neighborhood is putting you and your buddies down again for hanging out on the stoop and laughing loudly. Tell the junkie ex-con who you know has committed a string of robberies in the neighborhood she has twenty bucks on her…..

7. Your roommate has a lady friend you can’t stand that is always making backhanded comments about how you dress when she is a bleach blonde with a bad die job. Casually mention your cousin is getting out of prison after twenty years because he strangled his girlfriend with her bra, stuffed her panties in her mouth, and dumped her body by the train tracks. Then tell he wants to come visit next week to see how much you have grown, and likes platinum blondes.

6. You know this girl who is always doing things for attention. Lately she is claiming a Jamaican guy sexually assaulted her just to see a guy infatuated with her beat someone up. Look at her pretending to be concerned and mention, “I know plenty of Jamaicans. And they never assault anyone with a flat chest. At least not as far as I know.”

5. You are at a gathering when a girl who is dressed like a treasure troll in drag continually makes jokes about you being a slut. Turn to her, smile, and say, “Why? Jealous I get some and you don’t. Im sure if you looked under the draw bridge your Froto would be there for you.”

4. A crazy girl who has been sending you nasty notes on myspace and making your life hell blogs about how she is a responsible mother and how people don’t understand how hard it is. Meanwhile the slut had the four kids to three guys at sixteen. You should comment on the blog, “Wow, must be hard work being a breeding lump. I mean , you lay down on your back a lot but still, gold star for a job shamelessly done.”

3. You recently got a promotion at your job and this girl who is clearly jealous of you is bad mouthing you saying she can’t believe you got it and she didn’t. That’s when you say, “You can’t believe it. Oh ye of little faith.”

2. You see a girl you went to high school with that is a total princess in every respect of the word. When she sees you after years of having not had contact, acts as if she is disgusted by your appearance. That’s when, as you calmly sip your coffee say, “By the way, I contracted Hep C not long ago. Want a sip?”

1. If any of these responses illicit a challenge for a cat fight by any of these party’s tell them you would fight except it is against your policy to assault the mentally handicapped. And then summon the nearest officer of the law when they are yelling and screaming and say you believe they wandered out of a group home and could he help them find their way back. And walk off into the sunset.

9-1-1 is closed -- "because everyone is at the doughnut shop." That's the bogus audio message an Easton, Pennsylvania, firefighter heard when he clicked a link on the city's Web site. City officials say the file was accidentally left on the site by a former fire chief, who was hired to improve Easton's Net offerings. The consultant thought the audio links didn't work and believed he had deleted them. The message has now been taken off-line. But firefighter Terrance Hand, who discovered the bogus doughnut shop message, says the city's firefighters and police officers deserve an apology.  ***MARLAR: Which they will receive once they return from Krispy Kreme.