Alaska makes Craig an honorary citizen. The Governor of Alaska (now John McCain's 2008 running mate) sends Craig Ferguson a personal video offering honorary citizenship to the host. From June of 2007.

Republican Senator, Rick Santorum, giving his concession speech on election night, surrounded by his family, all wondering why God hates their dad.

Written by Joe Wilson

WASHINGTON D.C. (PoopyCaca.com) – Some have accused Democrats of gloating after the election day win of both the House and Senate and if sales of the hottest new ring tone are any indication, gloating has never been more profitable.

Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, who lost to Bob Casey this past Tuesday, made a concession speech, surrounded by his wife and crying children, and now that speech is the number one selling ring tone in the country.

According to Billboard, Santorum’s ring tone speech has outsold all others, a first for a spoken word ring tone. “It’s usually musicians at the top of the list, not conservative Republicans,” said Bill Ferguson, Billboard Ring Tone Analyst.

Santorum, whose conservative, religious political positions included his argument that if gay marriage was allowed in this country, making sex with animals legal would be next, lost his bid for re-election in Pennsylvania, but sales of his ring tone speech are a national phenomenon.

“I hate that guy,” explained Cookie Williams, a hair stylist in West Hollywood, California, “I Tivo’d his speech and burnt DVD’s of it for all my friends, I’ve got a picture of him giving the speech as my screen saver and the ring tone is like a birthday present every time I get a call.”

Hey!  Did ya like that opening? Just "hey" not hello, or good evening or good morning...a nice simple entre...I'm always impressed with someone who uses that as a greeting, instead of the more traditional "Hi" or "Hello" or "How are Ya?" It's probably not high on the politeness scale, but it has a nice relaxed, comfortable ring to it, and somehow it just seems more well...informal. I am going to pass a motion to adopt that as the official "Silverhorn Lodge Hi Sign"....err..well..I guess we will have to call it the official "Silverhorn Lodge Hey Sign." Whew...there is a paragraph of complete fluff for ya.....

Well it was back to the grind today following two weeks vacation...I know, it seems like I am on vacation all the time, and although that may look like the case, in reality I am working all the time...thinking...yes I think for a living...but so far it hasn't been all that good a career choice for me....perhaps my other career choice, cowboy, might have been more profitable...if I only could have got over that fear of cows...

Moving right along, frequent readers of this diatribe...eh..crap...eh..I mean blog, know that my team of Silverhorn Lodge Researchers led by the infatigable Marcello, who is also our Chief Garden Gnome and t-shirt star, know that we have been closely following what looks to be a conspiracy...yes, I know what you are thinking and you are correct, I am referring to the animal conspiracy, Boo the Bear, Crusty the Croc, and Hoppy the Irish Kangaroo, not to forget that guard dog who attacked Elvis Presley's favorite teddy bear...

Well lock up your dogs and cats folks, the raccoons are getting organized. Yup, those cute little fellows are not so cute any more. Gangs of them are attacking and killing cats and dogs in Olympia, Washington, and if it can happen in Olympia, it can happen anywhere. So far the gang has been credited with killing 10 cats, attacking and trying to carry off a dog as a prisoner and biting a dog owner. They're called "Urban Raccoons" and if you live in an 'urban' you could be a target. So far they have stymied all attempts to catch them, with the exception of one caught by a trapper, but he isn't talking. Witness reports are sketchy at best, apparently everyone in the raccoon gang was wearing a black mask....(I bet Leno or Letterman use that one...or if they don't Craig Ferguson on the late late show won't let it go unused)

Here at Silverhorn Lodge, we used to have trouble with raccoons, we tried stationing Alonzo on top of the the garbage cans with a pellet gun but he wasn't much of a shot, then we gave him an air horn but that didn't work, he ran out of compressed air doing God knows what...but finally we succeed by playing some recordings of the wife singing "Paper Roses" at the annual Silverhorn Lodge Kareoke Idol Competition held each year at the Silverhorn Lodge Kareoke Lounge,Bar and Grill.....

I was going to tell you about Willy the Tourtoise, who, to the uninitiated, is a really big turtle, who escaped his confinement in South Carolina July 1st. He got five miles before he was caught....But I have decided to save that story for a slow news night....

And speaking of Ireland, 50 Irish Companies have signed a pledge to not spend company cash at lap dancing clubs. Apparently lap dancing is pretty dam popular in Ireland, (who knew) and it is getting pretty pricy, so the companies have signed some kind of a charter...leave it to those Irish...our reporter on the scene says they are going to use credit cards instead and get the air miles and bonus points...besides, it is apparently much more fun to swipe your credit card than stick a pound note in a thong....

I recently inquired about buying a ticket to fly to Britain, and was asked if I would be carrying a musical instrument...I smiled and asked if the lovely ticket agent had heard about some of my kareoke stylings, and if she had, she would know my voice is an instrument..some would say of torture, but I digress...anyway, it seems musicians are no longer allowed to carry their instruments on planes as carry on baggage, they have to be stored as a security measure....now I don't know how you feel about this, but it sure makes me feel much safer knowing the bluegrass band in first class isn't going to start playing midway to London....that could be a long flight.....

We love to keep you informed here at Silverhorn Lodge, and our team of researchers are going nonstop finding stuff that you need to know, and they have stumbled on a big one...apparently Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadingad, which is pronounced, Mr. President, has a blog...and you thought it was just me doing this....in fact Iran is the blogging capital of the Middle East...I'm trying to get a link, I think that might drive traffic through the roof....

The Mayor of New Orleans, Ray whathisname..or yeah Nagan, is urging folks to come on home...apparently they got things mopped up a bit down there and they are putting out the call to get folks back...interestingly they are calling people home just two weeks before the anniverary of Katrina, and September, the worst month of hurricane season....there is talk that everyone who returns gets a complimentary rubber boat and a life jacket....

<em>"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." - Napolean Bonaparte</em>

<em>"Hey!" Robert Parker</em>

I am trying to understand what is wrong with Tom Hanks' hair lately, but haven't been able to put my finger on it. Last I remembered, he didn't have much left and it looked pretty normal. Now there's this kind of John Travolta in "Pulp Fiction" weave. There are lush bangs but then there is this kind of burn victim thing going on which I feel awful for saying but I feel worse when I see that follicular charade, especially now that he's done with his movie and he's still keeping that thing instead of taking it behind the log cabin and puttin' it down with one bullet in the roots. That hair needs some frontier justice is what I'm saying.

I just don't understand why actors come to the conclusion that "this part I am playing needs for me to have hair." How did Sean Connery benefit from that white toupee in "The Hunt For Red October?" We didn't know it was him? That fucker's been bald since after his first Bond and no one cares! I love him just the way he is. Who told him to suddenly sprout hair—like the audience is suddenly going to think: "Who is that? Looks a little like...naaah, it's Craig Ferguson."

At least Connery got rid of the hairpiece when he was done, but Tom Hanks is sporting his, which is a completely different texture of hair. He used to have curls in "Punchline" and shit like that. Now all of a sudden he's got this Jackie Chan "Rush Hour" do.

It is so distracting as a movie-goer to see the fake hair. I can't suspend my disbelief and say to myself, "Tom is that character," when he's got those goddamm swooshy bangs flopping around in the wind like epileptic pigeon wings. Plus I feel bad for all the balding guys out there that are going to adopt one of these things from the fake hair shelter, thinking it's going to be their ticket to getting laid more. Tom, the truth is, you looked better at the end of "Philadelphia" with like 2 t-cells left than with that sideburn-less feathered Brothers McMullet. Remove it. Stomp it. Bury it.