...the makers of Dungeons & Dragons have added 3 new mythical figures to its popular role playing game, the first new figures since the game was created.  The new figures include the Manticore, the Fire Breather, and the Honest Politician. 

7-29-09

Now I don't want to pontificate but why in a modern age are we bound by the shackles of  irrelevant guidelines so out dated they make Alexander Graham Bell's first prototypes look like an updated iPhone from the year 2025?

I mean seriously between the rules of religious documents from other millenniums to the regulations of legal documents from other centuries the newest code we follow is 6 months older than McCain's great-great grandfather's baby journal photos on papyrus.

Gandhi said, before you break the rules, you must know them. Well hey study time is over, final exams are graded and it's time to cut loose over Spring Break in Cancun, alright?

Hey, stop waiting for Godot, pick up the pen, and let's make these arbitrary absurdities less strict than Fellini as Drill Master Sergeant at Fascism boot camp.

Seriously folks, I mean, let's not cite from the Sex Pistol's lyrics or the pages of the Anarchist's Cookbook.

But let's face it people, wind your sundial from BC to digital with a little Abby Hoffman revolution or James Dean rebellion by declaring a new independence from the old Declaration of Independence.

Alright, hell the Old Testament was old since the birth of Christ. It's so old that we consider it's 2000 yr young sequel the NEW one, okay!

What I'm saying is, if we don't upgrade from all these ridiculous relic restrictions then we're a twelve sided dice piece and nerdy-anal-retentive-level 6-wizard of middle earth away from following more stupid instructions than a level-1-newbie-dwarf in a dictatorship of Dungeons and Dragons.

Bottom line and truth be told, times change, people change, and so should our hand books of social norms.

On the other hand I said I don't want to pontificate, so whatever, y'know?

President Obama killed a fly during an interview over the weekend.Shortly afterVice President Biden had the president secretly checked into a psychiatric clinic.Biden said,"Look,Im not all here sometimes but the president just told me that hes seen a horse fly,a house fly,a crane fly,and even a dragon fly.Ill be honest with you,I know there aint no such things as dragons!!"

Dave Arneson, the 61-year-old co-creator of the Dungeons & Dragons fantasy game has died.......a virgin.

www.jerrywolski.com

A bunch of kids are out trick-or-treating, wearing very elaborate Halloween costumes.  They come to a door of a modest house and knock.  A woman with kind face opens the door. She sees all the kids and smiles, as the kids yell, “Trick or Treat!!!”  The woman holds a large bowl with candy in front of her, as each of the children takes a few.  So the lady strikes up a conversation.
“And who do we have here?”, she says as she points at a boy in ghost costume.
“I am a Ghost!”, says the boy.
“And what do you do?”
“I scare people! Booooooooooooo!”

Then she points at a boy in knight costume, “And who might you be?”
“I’m am a Knight!”
“And what do you do?”   
“I slay dragons!”

So she turns to a little girl and asks, “And who are you?”
“I’m a beautiful princess.”
“And what do you do?”
“I will find a handsome prince, or a knight, and marry him.”

Then she looks at a boy, wearing Barack Obama mask. “And you?”
“I’m Barack Obama.”
“Hmmm, what do you do?”
“Well, to begin with, I will cut the Knight’s sword in half.  Then I will meet with the dragon and talk him into stopping doing whatever he’s doing.  Then I will reeducate the princess that it’s just as well to marry another princess and that she should keep her options open.  I will convince everybody that there is no Ghost, and all the Booing is George Bush’s failed tactic to scare people.  And lastly, I will take away all the candy from all these kids and give them to the ones that didn’t go trick-or-treating.”

The lady says, “Oh, My…”
“But the candy YOU gave us, sweetie, I will take to the Department of Health lab, and have them tested for any possible ingredient that may prove to be unhealthy for the children.  I will then inform the parents of all these kids about what you are feeding their children, so they can sue you for everything you have, and you lose your house, your cars, and your bank accounts.  And this is all because you had the nerve to ask me this question.”