James Cameron's AVATAR has just sailed past James Cameron's TITANIC to become the highest grossing movie of all time, domestically and internationally.

Wait a minute Avatar is not the grossest movie of all times. John Walters movie PINK FLAMINGOS is. It’s suppose to be funny but it’s grotesque, sick and disgusting. If you don’t believe me Google PINK FLAMINGOS.

Oh, hold on. They didn’t say “grossest”, they said “grossing”. SORRY. My Bad.

An Appleton, Wisconsin woman who tried to extort money from The Seasons restaurant by putting a rat in her lunch has entered no-contest pleas to two criminal charges. Debbie R. Miller planted the rat at The Seasons on April 17, 2008, and then demanded $500,000 from the owners. She threatened to alert the media, but instead of paying, the owners turned the rat over to investigators for their insurance company. They determined it was a domestic rat that had been cooked in a microwave, and the restaurant doesn't use microwaves.  ***MARLAR: Which is too bad because micro-rat is very tasty. 

US Customs caught a man at LAX smuggling in 15 exotic birds all stuffed down his pants.

Actually, only 14 of them turned out to be exotic birds; the 15th turned out to be a domestic dicky bird. 

Katrina Mayor Ray Nagin called the President today and offered some help to homeless people of Haiti . Nagin told Obama , " Mr. President we can take in about 30,000 refugees in New Orleans' lower 9th Ward . We can also house about another 60,000 people at the Superdome Stadium .

Hanes is ending its advertising campaign featuring Charlie Sheen because of domestic violence charges filed against the actor.  Here's an idea:  Why not drop the Hanes sponsorship deal with the guy who put the bomb in his underwear?

Hanes has suspended Charlie Sheen as spokesman following his arrest on domestic violence charges.  Sheen will instead become the new spokesman for Fruit-of-the-Loon. 

About a million of the e-mails dealt with domestic and foreign affairs.  The rest were e-mails Bush sent out to make a little extra money selling penis enlargement pills.  

Elsie Egan, a Florida woman, 53, is facing a felony domestic abuse charge for allegedly striking her boyfriend several times in the head with a raw steak, according to police.

She just wanted to help soothe the black eye she was giving to him.

Tiger, Tiger, bleeding bright
In the driveway of the night
What small Swedish hand or wrist
With a three-wood your head kissed?

What the anger, what the fire
Was so stoked by the Enquirer?
Twas there motive, twas there goal?
Did you play an extra hole?

Couldst thou not appease her
After bedding a skeezer?
Was your mom of no aid, though
Batt’ling that white tornado?

Were you chased from hearth and home
A golf club aimed at your dome?
Did the instinct come to pass
“My caddy will save my ass”?

When Elin did swing her club
Did you cower like a cub?
Did you know she’d hit a ton
And put you on the green in one?

When the impact made a thud
Wat’ring the lawn with your blood
Did she smile her work to see?
And did the pain make you pee?

And as neighbors heard your snores
Did you dream about your whores?
Complete defeat, is this true?
Beat you and your caddy, too?

Now as you try to clean up
Have you reread that pre-nup?
Is hush money a small price
For avoiding Elin’s slice?

Were your sponsors caused great stress
By the words of that waitress?
Or is the deal perm’nent now
With “Nike” marked on your brow?

Tiger, Tiger, bleeding bright
In the driveway of the night
What small Swedish hand or wrist
With a three-wood your head kissed?

–DTM