This is a fictional account of a Chris Rock stand-up about Bernie Madoff that I wrote while under the influence of Ambien CR and Wellbutrin XL .
" I just watched a Tv program on American Greed called " Bernie Madoff Behind Bars : What prison life is like ." " Madoff is serving 150 years at the Butner Medium Security Correction Complex in North Carolina . From what I saw I'd say life is pretty Godamn good compared to some of his victims . "
" What the fuck is wrong with you White people anyway ? Bernie Madoff didn't steal your money . He didn't stick a gun in your back and hold you up . He didn't sneak into your house and rob you while you were out . He didn't get your bank account and withdraw all your money ..... You gave it to him ! That right you gave it to him to invest . And that's what the muther effer did ! He invested it in expensive homes, and furniture, and cars, and boats, and furs, and jewelry, and vacations . He even invested your money in some old White Pussy that just wrote a book about him ! "
" Let's be honest people , you wouldn't give all your money to Madoff if he looked like me . If I called you up and said I can get you 5% on your money you'd call the S.E.C. , the A.T.F., the F.B.I. and the F.C.C. " That negro tryin' to steal all my money officer . " ... " You would never trust all your money to a Black Man even if he was an Ass-kissin' buddy of Jim Cramer from CNBC's Mad Money . "
" Black People don't hate Bernie Madoff , we love him ! We love seeing you rich White folks lose all your money to another White person . Now you know how we feel ! In my livingroom I got an oil painting of Barack Obama , Martin Luther King jr., Malcome X , and Bernie Madoff . "
" Don't blame the victim , Don't blame the victim , Don't blame the victim . That's what I hear all the time ." " Boo hoo, boo, hoo, I gave 5 million dollars to Bernie Madoff and now I'm broke ! " " You know why you're broke ya dumb-ass ? It's because you're greedy ! Didn't anybody ever teach you people you gotta diversify your money ? " " Didn't anyone ever tell you about getting a Bank Cd that is FDIC insured ? " .. " Another old lady said she lost $250,000 , her entire life savings . " " I gotta live on my social security and eat cat food for the rest of my life ." ........... " You know what Bernie Madoff promised them, 9% interest per year . Shit , I'll give you 25% ! You won't collect it because I'm leaving town just as soon as your check clears ! "
" Another old broad and her husband lost $ 1,500.000. to Madoff and may be homeless by next year . She is very bitter and wants Bernie to suffer in prison . I heard her say on the program, " I gotta go back to work now . I must get up at 4am and drive people to the airport every morning . My back hurts from lifting those heavy luggages . Everyday I check my mailbox to see if my million dollar check is there from the Victim's Fund . " ...... " I say yeah, that's tough alright, but if you weren't so damn stupid you'd be sleeping all day just like Bernie Madoff does , and he doesn't have to worry about being homeless next year ! " 2
Not an actual account of what Chris Rock said just something my evil mind told me to write . If anyone cares to sue me , my name is Kascha Kwan , my address is under the boardwalk between the Hilton Hotel and Tropicana Casino , Atlantic City, N.J.
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