Everybody has to stop all this foolishness that Osama Bin Laden is alive, living in a cave and send audio tapes to the world. Is this just another of Cheney's stupid ideas to keep the war on terrorists alive?
If he is alive what the hell is doing living in a cave? And why is sending stupid audio tapes? Who the hell makes audio tapes? If he's got electricity in that cave, why doesn't he make a video flipping everyone off?
And the news media goes crazy everytime a tape is let loose. "Osama Bin Laden Is Alive, Osama Bin Laden Is Alive, Osama Bin Laden Is Alive." Shut up! He's not alive. If he is alive he would look like Jeff Dunham's puppet Achmed the Dead.
Let's just cut to the punchline here. I need to focus on a stupendous display of idiocy; The WBC. No, this is not a media outlet, it is not a new political faction, it is not a new Pro Wrestling nor MMA Production. This is Westboro Baptist Church. These are the "God Hates Fags" morons that go around protesting Funeral Services of military service men and women because they believe that God hates homosexuals sooooo much that he is killing our soldiers to punish us for being a country full of people who accept/tolerate (whatever, you get the picture) homosexuals. He is punishing us for our complacency...one IED at a time. Gotcha.
Okay, first, do these people even read The Holy F--king Bible? Don't these assholes realize that the last time God was pissed off with flamers he turned Sodom & Gomorrah into dust? Do you think that God did that one soldier at a time? I' not thinking so. I'm thinking it was probably something grossly more catastrophic than that. Further, if he could pick off one soldier at a time, could he not also pick off one homosexual at a time? So, if he's so mad with homosexuals, then why not pick them off? Makes a little more sense to go direct to the source. I'm not suggesting that's a good idea, just trying to make a point. I have nothing against anyone for their sexuality. I simply don't care that much about a person's sexuality with the exception of the fact that I LOVE LOVE LOVE (written with a lisp) to make fun of flamboyant men. Sorry, it's just the way it is. Chinese people are bad drivers, too. Those fawkers are hilarious. I almost spit up my tuna salad sandwich at Jersey Mike's subs while watching a very flamboyant man order his sandwhich. He was a black man with an accent. Perhaps Nigerian. I know, it's already hilarious. He was dressed in khaki pants and a loud button-up shirt with Aussie-style cowboy boots. He also had those crazy contacts that make your pupils look like star-bursts. He was on the phone the entire time that he ordered his sandwich, paid for it and exited--never put the phone down. What an ass, right? Anyway, this guy starts dancing, like two-stepping and shimming his hips and wriggling his butt to the music that was playing the sub shop, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he's doing it, all the while talking on the phone and ordering a sandwich. Freakin' hilarious! But I digress....
Back to the WBC. These people showed up outside the Twitter office in San Fransisco (they must have thought they made it to the belly of the beast of the 8th Boglia of Hell!).Why are they protesting Twitter? Here's the quote from one protester, "Twitter should be used to tell the punks of doomed America that God hates you!" What? I'm speechless. That is so far beyond retarded that I don't know how to respond. Seriously.
So, here's the really good part. Apparently, the 9 intelligent people of San Francisco who had nothing to do that day decided to gather to PROTEST the protesters, making a mockery oft he WBC. These folks were holding signs that said, "God Hates Ponies" and "Sodomy is So Much Fun," just to name a couple. Love it! Frickin awesome.
It took less than 30 minutes for the WBC to abandon their Twitter Protest. LMAO!
Anywho, I don't pretend to know God's intentions nor his preference about people's sexuality, but I can tell you I'm pretty sure that I know what he thinks about assholes.
I was at a bus stop waiting for a bus when this cross-eyed boy stopped in front of me. He then started talking in sign language to another boy about the same age. As I watched theirconversation, one and then the other glanced at me. Of course, this made me wonder what they were talking about. Then I proceeded to get paranoid the way one does when people are speaking Spanish or Arabic in line at the post office.
As I considered what to do, it occurred to me that if I wanted to let them know I was on to them, I would haveto get them to read my lips. First I would have to get the attention of one of them: “Hey! Over here. Look at me!” And then I would have to speak clearly and slowly: “I-know-that-you-are-talk-ing-about-me, lit-tle fag-got!” Of course,there was the chance that neither boy could read lips, in which case they would probably give me a quizzical look, move away and continue talking, now almost certainly about me. This would drive me crazy.
Another possibility was that the boy’s eyes were crossed because he had caught dyslexia, maybe trying to read the lips of a person with crooked teeth, gold fillings and really big lips, at night. As a result, maybe he would read, “Hey! You know about me? Here I are,that little talking faggot. Look me over!” Then they would be sure to laugh at me in sign language. I wouldn’t know whether they were laughing at me, the little talking faggot or me, the little talking faggot with poor grammar. Trying to convince them that’s not what I said would only exacerbate the situation. And to make matters worse, people would get angry at me and say things like, “Hey, little talking faggot! Stop harassing the cock-eyeddeaf-mutes!”
After a while the cross-eyed boy was going on about something, and was looking away from his audience. He didn’t notice when the other boy walked away, so he continued to sign. Soon, he turned and saw that he was alone. When he continued to sign, I thought he was just finishing his sentence. But he didn’t stop. I was bewildered and looked in the direction he was facing to find his new audience. Nobody. What the fuck? Deaf people talk to themselves using sign language?
All kinds of possibilities popped into my head. For example, what happens with deaf people with acute schizophrenia?Does everybody have to wait their turn to use the hands? Or are some voices assigned to the left hand and the others to the right (with slight to moderate grammar and pronunciation problems)? And does this lead to altercations where one hand is used to shut the other up?
And if deaf people sign to talk to themselves, are they allowed to have important jobs, where it’s necessary to be able to keep a secret? I mean, could a deaf person be trusted to be a spy? And what if they sign in their sleep? The social, personal and national security implications are staggering. And what do deaf people say about deaf people who talk to themselves?
Tiger Woods was admitted to the Pasadena Recovery Center today . Dr. Pinsky who is best known for his TV show, " Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, " told a crowd of gossip reporters, " Treating a sexual addiction is no different from treating any other compulsive disorder . We have to slowly ween him off the very beautiful Swedish blondes . I will substitute the hot White ladies for something a little less appealing say a half dozen middle-aged African-American Kmart cashiers . We then go gradually down the line by giving him a few Filipino school teachers, then some Panamanian restroom attendants , and finally a couple of saggy-breasted Aborigine natives from Northern Australia . (see photo) That should cure any sexual desire left in the Tiger . "
Senator Harry Reid continued on his nation-wide apology tour this week . " I just can't wait to personally kiss the ass and nut-sack of every phoney Black Minister and politician in the country ." said Reid . " I regret my Negro Dialect comment so much now . I realize it was in such poor taste for me to say what I did . If it were possible to rephrase that dumb remark I made about the President I would say, ... Unlike Tiger Woods, Barack Obama is the Mulatto you can trust with your Blonde White daughter ." .... Reid feeling a bit more relaxed decided to finish his apology with a little joke . " That reminds me of the time Olympic Figure Skater Nancy Kerrigan was assaulted on the leg by that crazy guy . I heard they had to send her to Africa because that's where the Knee Grows "
Andy admitted how difficult it was for him to discard any broken or obsolete items he accumulated over the years . " I love my old junk even if it's outdated or doesn't work any more . I just can't bear to part with anything I have aquired during my lifetime . On my day off from work I like go out dumpster diving along the East Side of Manhattan . You never know what good stuff you're going to find there . Last week I brought home a 1960's era Black & White TV with built in phonograph player , a rotory telephone , and a baby carriage with only 3 wheels . Why in the world would anybody be crazy enough to throw away such good stuff ? My boss can't wait for the day I retire . My office is loaded with junk I collected since I was first hired by CBS . With all the clutter in my home it's hard for me to find a place to sit down . Moving about from room to room is not for the faint of heart . I was thinking of adding an extension to my house just for a place to keep my bed . I'm so tired of having to sleep in the car every night ..... All I can say is, When I die please bury me at the City Dump along with all of my wonderful, worthless treasures in a very big hole " ....................................................................................................... Disclaimer , not the actual words of Mr Rooney but probably pretty close
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