I wonder if Native Americans celebrate Columbus day...It'd be like Detroit celebrating slavery.

There was a sign in the road that said no "U" turns, too bad it left out the cursive "V" turn....or upside down “n” turn......I think I'll take the cursive "V".

I know a genius....to bad he's retarded. 

When I was a kid, soccer was my anti drug, now that i'm all grown up, marijuana is my gateway drug. 

Cocaine is just sugar all grown up....Have you ever had the all grown up frosted flakes? ...............THEY'RRRRRRRRRRRREE... addictive

My girlfriend is so clingy and obsessed, i have a better chance getting rid of herpes than her.

Flies are like the herpes of insects, you can get rid of them for a while, but they always come back...ant's are like crabs....fucking everywhere.

Edible underwear are just fruit roll ups tied into a pretzel.

I'm pretty sure i'm good at drinking....but i don't remember.

I got a golden glove, not in baseball, in boxing....I always caught a good punch...with my face

I hate male porn stars, they make me feel shitty about myself.... and last time i tried to choke a girl like they do, she just kicked the shit out of me.

I tried hard in school....until the second day came.

Guys, I figured out what turns a girl on, the power button.

I'm good at sex, I've gotten every girl I've had sex with to scream “Get Off!!!” interpret that anyway you please.

My mind sucks at wandering....it always gets stuck in the gutter

I live life in the fast lane....of a traffic jam.

(talking to the crowd)Over the years, i've realized i'm a lot funnier the drunker you are......to an extent.

I approach every math problem with the same thing... a blank stare

I was late for work the other day, and my boss asked me why i was late, so i told him i got lost....He asked where....

I don't think prostitutes ever got the bird and the bees talk.

People say God is flawless...Have you ever seen the people from Kentucky??? The big guy forgot to double check that one.

If Jesus was the greatest man to walk the earth, can I be the second best?

I don't think Hitler was loved enough as a child.

After having afternoon sex with Peaches Brown, a well known 42nd Street prostitute , Dave called his wife and said , " Honey, don't buy any fish for tonight's supper , I'm bring home plenty of crabs ! "  

As part of his "King for Kids" charity bike-a-thon, LaBron James traveled through the streets of Ohio this week, which really isn't much different than what he does during the basketball games he plays in Ohio during the NBA season...

That tv show called Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel sounds like an STD.It's all seamen and crabs. 

I went to a nudist beach in Atlantic City and ended up with hermit crabs. 

THE WORLD'S MOST CURMUDGEONLY CURMUDGEON
(with a bullet)

"The next person to say something about my Mac is getting kicked through the motherfuckin' window."

THE WORLD'S MOST CURMUDGEONLY CURMUDGEON
(damnation)

"Remember when you were young? Yeah, those were good times. Now stop living the past and grow the fuck up."

"Losers always whine about their best. Then they are forced to extinction because evolution favors winners."

THE WORLD'S MOST CURMUDGEONLY CURMUDGEON
(makin' moves)

"A bunch of crackheads fuck up their lives.


You just saw Requiem for a Dream."

THE WORLD'S MOST CURMUDGEONLY CURMUDGEON
(parentheticals rock!)

"If evolution is really true, then within the next 100 years, Horses should have built-in horseshoes."

For the fifth year in a row, unusual wind patterns off the coast of Oregon have produced a large “dead zone,” an area so low in oxygen that fish and crabs suffocate.

Scientists are doing further studies on exactly where they can buy tartar sauce and melted butter in the area.

NY Times, 8/7/2006

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

According to MSNBC, there is some controversy over whether or not to give 11- to 12-year-old girls a shot that can prevent them from contracting sexually transmitted diseases. Some parents are afraid it could be construed as supporting their daughter's decision to have sex at a very young age. Others know that they are raising a little slut, so they may as well protect her.