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(Reupload of Sept. 2006 item)
The U.S. Congress passed a bill yesterday giving President Bush the expanded war powers he requested.
Provisions of the bill include reclassifying terror suspects as "the usual suspects," disallowing torture except when no one's looking, and replacing the Geneva Conventions with the Sadr City Conventions.
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According to the Associated Press, a high calorie diet combined with prison life is producing some corpulent combatants, forcing Rumsfeld to rethink his torture strategy. 
(Shown: Donald Rumsfeld giving reporters a visual of the latest form of torture: Man-boob groping It seems as though meals total in an excess of 4,200 calories per day, thus proving that they don't just hate us for our freedoms, but also for our hydrogenated oils 
(Shown: hordes of angry pakistani demonstrators venting their hatred of the evil culprit behind the current weight problem at Gitmo) Human rights groups attributed the spike in weight to lack of exercise. Indeed, many NGOs (non gargantuan organisations) say the Bush Administration is either flouting or dismissing the Jazzercise clause stipulated in the Geneva Conventions. If there's anything more terrifying than a religiously indoctrinated person with a "clash of civilizations" mentality, it's one that can sit on you, as well. No hunger strikes for 9/11 mastermind, Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, in the foreseeable future. 
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The U.S. Congress passed a bill yesterday giving President Bush the expanded war powers he requested.
Provisions of the bill include reclassifyng terror suspects as "the usual suspects," disallowing torture except when no one's looking, and replacing the Geneva Conventions with the Sadr City Conventions.
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Facebook MySpace Twitter Email | Comments (0) | Rate it:  |
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Copyright 2006-2008 © International Mining and Steel, Inc.
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Bao Xishun, the world's tallest man, saved the lives of two dolphins in his native country. A witness at the scene stated how lucky everyone was that the worlds tallest man was walking by when the dolphins started choking. When Bao is not punching dolphins in the throat, he spends most of his time at Star Trek conventions as "The World's Tallest Spock(check his website for dates and locations)". When Bao pulled his arm from the last choking dolphin, the crowd that had gathered, cheered and cried and chanted his name. When the cheering finally subsided, a reporter walked up to Bao and asked "How long is your wiener?"
