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 Dear Listeners, thank you. You are logging on in such great numbers that we have exceeded our bandwidth and are being forced to upgrade to keep up with demand. So, if you are having trouble, just keep trying and we will remedy this as soon as possible. If you were lucky enough to hear the show today you learned some important shit. If not, this is what you missed:
Andrew Schulz came on today for “The Woman Whisperer” to address Greg the Intern’s issues with his girlfriend’s inability to orgasm. It was decided that Greg was not taking enough risks in bed, and Andrew suggested choking her and other more risque behaviors to focus his girlfriend’s libido. Of course, this paralleled Myka’s orgasm problems and in the interest of solving the matter a new contest has been designed. All the men out there, this is your chance. Call in and suggest the way you think you can make Myka orgasm, and if it has not been tried on her already, you move on to the next round. From there, Danny and the crew will determine who they think would stand the best chance at making Myka ejaculate across the room, and pit him against Myka’s current boyfriend. If you can get him to admit that you could do a better job at getting her to orgasm than he has tried, you are cleared to have a go at it. Good luck, lovers!
The Sklar brothers made their appearance towards the end of the show and were pleasantly surprised when Danny knew which Sklar was which. (Jason= glasses, Randy= no glasses.) The twins discussed their popular Andrew “Dice” Clay bit and Danny molested Jason about being the “Edgy” brother. While both are married, Randy has a couple offspring while Jason has none yet, and in a plea to keep the status-quo, Danny wished for Jason’s pregnant wife to miscarry. Jason compromised and promised to give his baby away for adoption once born. Good guys, those Sklars. Check them out tonight and Saturday night at Comix, they are doing two shows a night with excellent guests.
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 Ok. Enough is enough. Kasten came into the show whining like a little bitch because that slut in Florida decided that she would rather have some balding fat guy invade her lady parts. Big deal. The money Dave would have spent on a plane ticket would have only been half what he would have spent on a prescription to cure the resulting syphilis. Now the only contagious disease is the bad attitude, which Chris Iacono contracted immediately from then sex talk and declared a moratorium on Kasten’s love woes until he at least makes it to second base with a living human girl.
The crew agreed to move onto more realistic goals, and decided to start a team in the comedy softball league. Chris held hope that The Comical could rally in the sport despite not even having enough players, while Danny was determined to make The Comical the most losingest softball team in history. The main objective: To waste the other teams time in the same way he does his guests on the show. When losing is the aim, victory is always a sure thing. Take note, Kasten!
In the News with a Punchline Update from Dillon: A new album of previously unreleased Mitch Hedberg material is slated to be released. Chris seemed concerned that coroprations were making money off the genius post-humously, maybe the bigger issue is that Iacono’s career is dead presently. Just buy the album and enjoy it. Also coming back to standup from the dead is Eddie Murphy. Can he come back from the hatred he has sewn from years of fat suits and talking animal bits? The comical crew waits on bated breath to hate him.
In an attempt to close the issue forever, Myka surprised Dave Kasten with a reenactment of his wet dream about her. She appeared in a white dress, white knee-high stockings and twirled around the room ala the nymph fantasy that had him cumming in his sheets less the a week earlier. Did he lose his shit? Did he turn his pants into a set of use bedroom sheets? No! He sat there uninspired and loathing his state of existence. Despite reservations, Myka was coaxed into sitting on his lap to complete the fantasy, and fortunately did not detect the immediate erection that resulted. Final Score: Fantasy gag: 0. Minutes of masturbation fodder: Thousands
The last hour of the show was graced with comedian Greg Proops, most famous from the original “Whose Line is It Anyways”, in town performing standup a Comix. Members of the crew took turns sharing the “Do you remember when you met me?” stories, and each of them was returned by Proops with a resounding, “No.” Proops spent the rest of the time fielding questions on the ramifications of exposing a personal life on stage versus not, and generally being smarter than everyone in the room. By the end everyone agreed that he show went pretty well for being recorded in 1948.
And that was the show! Make sure to listen this Monday, The Comical will return with Ray Allen, Dan Naturman, and Dominick Dierkes.
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 stand up jokes. So come see some sublime ones.
Thursday May 24th at 8 pm check out the SEASON FINALE of the
critically-acclaimed comedy variety show, "Fresh Meat with Catie
Lazarus". In the first half, Catie Lazarus (Daily Show, Time Out NY, Fox) hosts Judy Gold (Emmy Award winning writer, Author of 25 Questions for a Jewish Mother), Tom Shillue (Daily Show, Comedy Central Special), Reggie Watts (SuperDeluxe, Andy Kaufman award winner), Dean Edwards (SNL), Bonnie McFarlane (HBO Special) and special guest Bill Burr (The Chappelle Show, Comedy Central Special). In the second half, the stars confess their worst experiences in the biz & first jokes.
GET $5 OFF FOR ONLINE ADVANCE PURCHASES WITH THE CODE FMST!
Comix, 353 West 14th Street (East of 9th Ave.) (A/C/E/L to 14th and M23) $10 and $5 for students. www.comixny.com or 212.524.2500
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RESERVE YOUR TIX NOW www.comixny.com for Fresh Meat, 353 West 14th Street, NYC 10014 (east of 9th Ave) Every Tuesday, comedian and writer Catie Lazarus hosts Fresh Meat, an original 90-minute comedy variety show. Come see comedians do stand up and sketch, actors and writers do storytelling and read from their books, cartoonists show poetry (I mean cartoons), singers show cartoons (joke was not funny the first time) and filmmakers show their short films. They will also reveal their worst experiences in the biz and 1st joke they ever thought up.... Stick around for a "press conference," a Q & A where you can ask these sublime comedians, actors, and writers anything your tender heart desires. SEPTEMBER 19th at 9 pm Debut Show and Catie Lazarus hosts:
* Patrick Borelli (ESPN's Cold Pizza, Late Night with Conan O'Brien,
www.patrickborrelli.com)
* Livia Scott (Late Night with Conan O'Brien, UCB www.livialand.com)
* Dave Hill - (Court TV's Smoking Gun, HBO, www.davehillonline.com)
* Tom Shillue (1/2 Hour Comedy Central Presents, The Daily Show, www.dailycomedy.com AND www.tomshillue.com)
* Tony Zaret (Chanel 101, www.supermasterpiece.com ) SEPTEMBER 26th at 8 pm, Catie Lazarus hosts:
* Pete Holmes (VH1's Best Week Ever, Comedy Central's Premium Blend,
www.peteholmes.com.)
* Ann Carr (Comedy Central's "Motherload", www.myspace.com/anncarr
www.peteholmes.com.)
* Ann Carr (Comedy Central's "Motherload", www.myspace.com/anncarr
* Mike Daisey-(NPR's Day by Day, 21 Dog Years: A Cubedweller's Tale (Free Press) www.mikedaisey.com)
* Ted Alexandro (2 Comedy Central 1/2 Hour Specials, HBO's Oz
www.tedalexandro.com)
* Betsy Wise (Vh1, Groundlings, www.betsywise.com) and Becky Donohue (Comedy Central's Premium Blend, www.beckydonohue.com) 8 pm October 3rd, Catie Lazarus hosts:
Baron Vaughn (Live at Gotham, HBO Aspen Comedy Festival) www.myspace/baronvaughn
David Rees (character) (Rolling Stone and The Guardian comic strip, Get Your War On, HBO Aspen Festival) www.getyourwaron.com
MEAT (UCB, DC Sketch Fest and more) www.meat.com
Film by Eric Drysdale (writer, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show) www.edrysdale.com
and a surprise guest I can't announce but will be AMAZING! NO SHOW OCTOBER 10th  October 17 at 8 pm
Amy Sohn (NY Magazine columnist, Run Catch Kiss, My Old Man, HBO Aspen)
www.amysohn.com
Ben Karlin (Co-writer America (Democracy): A Citizen's Guide, Exec Porducer for The Daily Show and Colbert Report)
* Mike Daisey-(NPR's Day by Day, 21 Dog Years: A Cubedweller's Tale (Free Press) www.mikedaisey.com)
* Ted Alexandro (2 Comedy Central 1/2 Hour Specials, HBO's Oz
www.tedalexandro.com)
* Betsy Wise (Vh1, Groundlings, www.betsywise.com) and Becky Donohue (Comedy Central's Premium Blend, www.beckydonohue.com) 8 pm October 3rd, Catie Lazarus hosts:
Baron Vaughn (Live at Gotham, HBO Aspen Comedy Festival) www.myspace/baronvaughn
David Rees (character) (Rolling Stone and The Guardian comic strip, Get Your War On, HBO Aspen Festival) www.getyourwaron.com
MEAT (UCB, DC Sketch Fest and more) www.meat.com
Film by Eric Drysdale (writer, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show) www.edrysdale.com
and a surprise guest I can't announce but will be AMAZING! NO SHOW OCTOBER 10th October 17 at 8 pm
Amy Sohn (NY Magazine columnist, Run Catch Kiss, My Old Man, HBO Aspen)
www.amysohn.com
Ben Karlin (Co-writer America (Democracy): A Citizen's Guide, Exec Porducer for The Daily Show and Colbert Report) www.comedycentral.com
Kevin Allison (The State, Magnet Theater) www.magnettheater.com
Dan Naturman (own 1/2 hour Comedy Central Presents, Letterman, Conan) www.dannaturman.com
Short Film by Leo Allen and Eric Slovin (writers SNL and Comedy Centrals Night of a Thousand Stars) www.slovinandallen.com GRACIAS and if you wish to be removed from this mailing list simply write "you are fat" in the subject line. If you have really funny, truly funny short films please also let me know as I have had to turn MANY down. (and yes this photo is meant to be ironic, unless you know of some Latin soaps that need a brilliant but modest, passionate but down to earth, wise but youthful star.....) www.lazarusrising.com catie@lazarusrising.com www.comedycentral.com
Kevin Allison (The State, Magnet Theater) www.magnettheater.com
Dan Naturman (own 1/2 hour Comedy Central Presents, Letterman, Conan) www.dannaturman.com
Short Film by Leo Allen and Eric Slovin (writers SNL and Comedy Centrals Night of a Thousand Stars) www.slovinandallen.com GRACIAS and if you wish to be removed from this mailing list simply write "you are fat" in the subject line. If you have really funny, truly funny short films please also let me know as I have had to turn MANY down. (and yes this photo is meant to be ironic, unless you know of some Latin soaps that need a brilliant but modest, passionate but down to earth, wise but youthful star.....) 
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