Toyota's problems are widespread and scary! Everyone is frightened!

I got in a friend's Prius the other day and, when he turned the ignition on, the voice in the navigation unit started reciting the Rosary.

A man was charged with attempted murder after authorities said he drove his truck through the window of a service station. Jefferson County Chief Deputy Randy Christian said a 49-year-old man pulled into a BP station on Alabama 75 in Pinson Sunday morning and got into a dispute with the clerk because the pump was turned off. Christian said the station has a pay-first policy.  Christian said the suspect went back to his Ford Explorer and drove through the plate glass window and into the counter.  ***MARLAR: After making bail he tried to drive himself home... but ran out of gas.

...in a recent Time magazine poll, 92% of Americans consider themselves Christians, with the remaining 666% being Satan worshippers.  

Years ago, I made a deal with the Devil to get Pat Robertson to stop making stupid comments. And now this: "Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it," he said on Christian Broadcasting Network's "The 700 Club." "They were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you'll get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal."

My evangelical Christian friends always address some divinity in their facebook status. "God, thanks so much for the wonderful day" or "I love you Jesus."  But really, does Jesus have a facebook page?" What would the status updates be like? Especially during the crucifixion? "Jesus is: wishing he had stayed in Nazareth. LOL."

Boise State University happily beat Texas Christian University in the Fiesta Bowl. Then they unhappily remembered that Boise is in Idaho.
 

I would like to wish everyone:

The Christians A Very Merry Christmas!

The Jews A Happy Hanukkah!

The Blacks A Happy Kwanzaa!

The Chinese A Happy Patriotic Non Secular Day!

The Agnostics and Atheists A Happy No Work Day!

The Muslims, Oh I don't know, Bombs Away!

That ought to do it.  Did I miss anyone?

Be as thankful as you want, but you're still going to have something to answer for...

Lust: Circling the kitchen, drooling over the food being prepared.
Greed: Stealing food from someone's plate...  While yours is still full.
Sloth: Passing out after Thanksgiving dinner, before the dishes are clean, and blaming it on the turkey.
Envy: Wishing you could be the one passed out on the recliner instead of washing the dishes.
Wrath: Throwing beer at the TV because your team lost.
Pride: Throwing beer at your relatives because your team won.
Gluttony: The Turducken.  Nuff said.

I'm just thankful I'm not a Christian.

Fort Collins, Colorado's Holiday Display Task Force recommended putting up only white lights because red and green lights might be seen an endorsement of the Christian religion.  ***MARLAR: Because we all remember the story of how Jesus miraculously changed the colors of light bulbs for his birthday.