10 ) Must be able to keep your mouth shut, (after sex)

9 ) Be able to work late hours after stage hands and cleaning crew go home .

8 ) Must be single, no kids, and never married .

7 ) Can not have any jealous boyfriends lurking around the studio

6 ) Prefer you have the face of Heather Locklear, the eyes of Catherine Zeta-Jones, the lips of Angelina Jolie, the fiery red hair of Angie Everhart, and the body of Cindy Margolis .

5 ) Be able to take dictation to CBS law firm while sitting on Dave's lap .

4 )  You are not allowed to wear pantyhose . Dave prefers you wear black stockings, garter belts, thong panties, and 5 inch spiked heels .  

3  Know how to do C.P.R., Letterman is no spring chicken .

2 ) Must be able to have your eyes open and keep a straight face during Dave's love-making sessions .

1 ) Stay at least 100 feet away from Paul Shaffer . He's Dave's Boy-Toy !    

Feeling confident about their bribe and extortion case against 48 Hours producer Robert Halderman, CBS and David Lettermans' production company World Wide Pants, announces a new corporate name change. 

The new company will now be known as, World Wide Guess What's In My Pants. 

Former Price Is Right game show host Bob Barker called David Letterman after the news broke of the sex scandle . Barker now age 89, being no stranger to back room sex romps with his models, had lots of good advice for Letterman .  " Dave, i had a good thing going with Diane Parkinson, Holly Hallstrom, and Janice Pennington for over 20 years . I would have kept those old broads even longer because they really put out for me . Then one day Diane decided to pose nude in Playboy and that upset the applecart for me . I had to let all three girls go and that unfortuately lead to many civil lawsuits against me and CBS . My advice to you Dave, only screw the skankiest, short, fat chicks that have absolutely no ambition of ever posing nude in a Men's magazine . " 

 After years of poking fun at the sexual indiscretions of notable personalites and politicans such as Bill Clinton, John Edwards, Elliot Spitzer, and Sarah Palin's daughter, Letterman finally got caught with his pants down . Horny Dave admitted he had sex with some female CBS employees over the years ." Can i help it if the Elevator operator, Ladies room attendant, Usherette, Cleaning lady, and the writing staff's Babysitter all find me irresistible ? "

                                                    TOP 10

              REASONS TO HAVE SEX WITH DAVID LETTERMEN

10. He is the popular host of "Late Show with David Lettermen."

9. Because he has at least 2 Million dollars.

8. Not allot of choices in sexy late night hosts.

7. His network contacts may get you a job as the new producer of the CBS show      "48Hrs."

6. Because Kanye West may steal your chance.

5. He has a Top Ten list of things to do to you in bed.

4. He admitted to having sex with female subordinates. So he's not gay.

3.  Because NBC picked Jay Leno for the "Tonight Show."(Revenge)

2. Paul Schaffer may play you on.

1. Some one that brave to admit the truth. Must be well endowed!

A CBS producer, claiming knowledge of sexual relationships between David Letterman and female staffers, has been indicted for trying to extort $2 million from him. 

Legally blind and very unpopular New York State Governor David Paterson shaved off his scruffy, unkempt beard last month .  Today he was seem clean shaven as his mustache apparently went the way of the beard . A CBS reporter asked why he removed all his facial hair.  Paterson sarcastically, replied ,  " I'm sick and tired of people mistaking me for a dirty, filthy, homeless bum ."   A heckler in the crowd yelled out  " Yeah Dave, now you only smell like one ! "

President Barack Obama, expressing his openness to a newspaper bailout bill, stated that good journalism is “critical to the health of our democracy."

Insiders report  that the proposal would allow ABC, NBC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, NPR, L. A. Times, New York Times, Boston Globe, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, San Francisco Chronicle, Newsweek and Time Magazine to copy news stories from FOX NEWS in support of said “good journalism.”

Top 10 reasons why President Barack Obama wants to be on Monday’s David Letterman Show:

10. Chance to introduce newest Secret Service Agent.

  9. Offer Dave the Press Secretary position.

  8. White House too stuffy: gotta get out!

  7. Ask Paul Schaefer “who does your hair?”

  6. Test new material from presidential joke writers.

  5. After a whole hour with him, see if you’re not in favor of “death Panels.”

  4. He just wants to say “Kanye’s a JACKASS” on live TV.

  3. Heard the CBS cafeteria food is “the bomb.”

  2. Because “HE IS THE BOMB.”

  1. Dave’s got TELEPROMPTERS!

CBS has emphatically told Letterman, "No Kennedy jokes!" Replied the late nite comic, "They can kiss my patootie, since, even Palin called me this morning and insisted that Ted could clearly see Boston from Chappaquiddick!"