A woman pleaded guilty and will spend five days in jail after letting her daughter ride in a cardboard box on top of their van. She was charged with being the coolest mom ever.

The makers of the hit "Slumdog Millionaire" have bought a new home for one of the child stars of the movie. Made of the finest cardboard.

Sales of building materials like brick, lumber, and concrete are down becuase of the sharp drop off in the housing market.  The only building material to have an  increase in demand is cardboard. 

Why to Love the Homeless in NYC

1. They have creative ways to beg for money such as sitting on the church steps as the people are coming out. They get them at their guiltiest.
2. They have signs that say, “Stranded and away from home and lost everything in a fire.” We don’t know if it is true for sure but it gets the change going
3. Some are honest with signs that say, “Give me a buck, I need a beer.” At least they are honest.
4. Some get clever with their signs. One guy was world’s sexiest bum. Hey, at least he has something he is good at. Cant say the same about people with houses.
5. Some have skills like singing, dancing, rapping and writing poetry. They are better than a lot of folks who audition for American Idol.
6. Most obviously have drug habits but they do clever things to support their addiction. One guy stole some flowers and tried to sell them to me. At least he was a nice crack head.
7. Some are their own radio stations and they play better stuff than some of the crap on the air.
8. Some insists they are being followed by the government and know George W. Bush’s plots. Perhaps they are right.
9. They live in a cardboard box. Therefore they don’t have to pay any bills
10. When people like me make fun of them there is always some self righteous anal retentive jackass who will give me the smack down.

Today Bums and Beggars came out of the woodwork(and the woods) to rewrite their cardboard signs to exhibit the American spirit and take advantage of new opportunities. Their new signs read:

'I'm a candidate for change, can you spare any?'

They just nod as they walk up to you and mouth the all familiar "Yes We Can"

IRAQI MALES SAY PATRIOTISM'S THE REASON THEY WATCH BEACH VOLLEYBALL

DOHA, Qatar. Beach volleyball, which features bikini-clad female players, is a novelty in this Muslim country where women are draped in all-enveloping cloaks called burkas, but the stands were filled as Iraq played Japan in opening round action of the Asian Games yesterday.

"Allah be praised!"

"I told my wife to stay home," says Salim Al-Nabit, a native of Iraq. "It is outrageous that women appear in public this way, but we must be here to cheer on our national team."

"Disgusting!"

His friend, Dhia Adnan Saleh, seconds that sentiment. "I personally find the whole thing disgusting," he says as he returns from a trip to the concession stand with a cardboard beverage container stuffed with two hot dogs and four beers. "But I will force myself to watch for the greater glory of our nation," he says, before leaping up to shout "Allah be praised--another kill for Islam!"

"Nice raq!"

The two men say they would prefer not to sit in the hot sun but the lack of cable coverage forces them to attend in person. "If we had ESPN2 as you infidels do, we wouldn't have to watch the beads of sweat form on the player's breasts, or run in rivulets down their spines into their panties," he says.

"Yes, we could stay home with our families," Al-Nabit says. "Instead, we are forced to travel many miles to Qatar, which is to the Mideast what Cleveland is to the Midwest."

"Get your ice-cold liquids banned by the Koran right here!"

The two men settle into their seats as play heats up. "Nice raq on that Iraqi spiker," Saleh says, and Al-Nabit agrees as he sips his beer. A reporter points out that the Koran prohibits the consumption of alcohol, and asks how the two men square that tenet of their faith with their beverage of choice.

"The Koran prohibits the consumption of all forms of liquor," Saleh says, "but I don't consider the light beer you get at a sports event alcohol."

Copyright 2006, Con Chapman

QUEEN GREETS NATIVE AMERICANS, PROMISES TO VISIT CASINO

LONDON. In a belated attempt to right a long-standing historical wrong, Queen Elizabeth II met yesterday with representatives of a Native American tribe to receive a letter from their 18th century chief, who died of smallpox before he could deliver it to King George II.

"There is three pence postage due on this letter."

"I often have trouble with the mails myself, especially around Christmas," the Queen said as she received the letter, which complained of encroachments by English colonists on tribal lands in Connecticut which are now the site of a gambling casino.

"Mum--the natives are making fun of me."

"O Great White Mother of Prince Elephant Ears," said Bruce "Two Dogs" Bozsum, spokesman for the Mohegan tribe, "we beseech you to give us the rest of Connecticut we do not already own as we are just about out of parking lots for our high-rollers."

"Two Dogs" Bozsum:  "You don't own Connecticut?  That's not what the guy who sold Manhattan back to us said."

"You realize, do you not," the Queen replied, "that I don't own Connecticut anymore?"

"Actually, we didn't, O Monarch Who Was Indifferent to the Death of Diana, the Great White Bimbo," Bozsum replied. "Would you mind coming to our casino anyway as we are just about out of suckers in the U.S. and may not reach our billion dollar profit target for the fourth quarter."

Herman's Hermits:  "We're going to sing the bloody song until you say we're better than the Beatles."

The Queen paused before responding with a question of her own. "Would--would I be welcome there, given the Revolution and the pain we inflicted on your people through Herman's Hermits and 'I'm Henry the VIII I Am'?"

"Most assuredly, She Who Runs With Corgi Dogs," Bozsum assured the Queen. "We have many elderly women who bring adult diapers so they can play the slot machines for hours without going to the ladies' room."

"Forget it Ethel--I'm not leaving 'til I win."

"How ingenious," the Queen replied. "And do you have a sufficient number of round card girls for the boxing matches that I understand you hold there?"

The Queen would add a touch of class. 

"Yes, although we could maybe work you in on the undercard to the James 'Bonecrusher' Smith-Everett 'Bigfoot' Martin comeback fight," Bozsum explained.

"That would be superb," the Queen replied. "Have your people call my people."

After a ceremony in Southwark Cathedral, the members of the tribe received autographed "Prince of Wales" cardboard crowns and gift certificates for the Fish 'n Chips Basket at the Black Lion Restaurant in London, and were escorted out of Buckingham Palace by M16 personnel.

Copyright 2006, Con Chapman