In his comments on the current jobless "recovery" yesterday, President Obama said he is looking "at new models for where future growth is going to come from." 

"We'll look at anything, except capitalism of course, that's crazy talk," he said.

Promoting his new movie Capitalism: A Love Story (Oct 16), quasi filmmaker Michael Moore said in a Wolf Blitzer interview that "the economy [should] be controlled by the majority and not the wealthiest one percent."

He continued: "...and that's why I've agreed with 'the majority' to tax my box office grosses to help out with the needy... [thick laughter] I'm just kidding."

Moore concluded, talking to a wad of money, "no, I was just kidding, money. Soon, my pretties, I'll have more of you. More to cover my naked butt with!"

It's hard to say which is more amusing, getting lectured on health care by a guy who looks like he belongs on the poster of "Supersize Me" (uh, that would be Michael Moore in "Sicko") or getting lectured on capitalism by a guy who owns a New York City penthouse (uh, that would be Michael Moore in "Capitalism: A Love Story"). While you're making up your mind, I'm going to try to get into "Capitalism: A Love Story" for free.

Michael Moore, promoting his new film, “Capitalism: A Love Story” on The Larry King Show, declared capitalism a failure. Moore’s previous films have grossed $172,833,594.

Moore's new documentary  is called "Capitalism: A Love Story."   Moore's next movie will be called "Cheesecake:  A Love Story."

He also announced that he will seek the Democratic nomination for president in 2008.

The Detroit Free Press reports that the first Muslim Congressman, Keith Ellison, "said he'd use the Quran during his swearing-in ceremony next week. 'On Jan. 4, I will go swear an oath to uphold the Constitution of the United States. I'll place my hand on the Quran.'"

That's like saying, "I'll swear an oath to uphold the principles of capitalism by placing my hand on the Communist Manifesto."

Speaking at the annual convention of the Muslim American Society and the Islamic Circle of North America, Ellison "said that Muslims can help teach America about justice and equal protection."

That's like saying the Aztecs and Mayans could have helped teach Queen Elizabeth about high tea etiquette.

Every year I take my Dad to the U.S. Open Tennis matches. I get to spend a day with him and he gets to watch his favorite sport. There’s just one problem. The Tennis Center is like most of the people you play tennis with, they're dressed great but they suck.

Bad First Service. The will call window line—two open windows, 50 people on line. It took us a solid half an hour to pick up our tickets. Luckily there are three thousand workers there doing absolutely nothing but telling you where to go. Apparently the ticket-dispensing skill is advanced.

Douche (I mean Deuce) Security. It's a tad high. A guy wearing a turban and a, “Fuck the Jews" T-shirt at the El Al terminal in Kennedy airport would have an easier time getting through this place than me and my 81-year-old poorly sighted father who decided to bring a jacket and a box of raisins. Bomb sniffing dogs, pat downs, random searches, a million cops—I could navigate through a Victoria’s Secret one-day sale faster. WHO THE HELL WANTS TO BLOW UP TENNIS? Yeah I’m sure Osama Bin Laden right now is saying, “We must destroy Tennis! Roger Federer and Justine Henin-Harden are infidels! Tennis Jihad! Lalalalalalalala...ve - 40."

Ad-vantage capitalism. Ticket prices are like a swift backhand to the face. The cheapest nose bleed seats in the big stadium, $64. In the sun! For $64 a want a way better look at Maria Sharapova’s ass. The cheapest t-shirt with a bad logo, $25. A beer, $9. A turkey and swiss baguette, $8.50. Water, $4. Air, $7. Pay toilets, $13.50. (Boredom, free. It’s tennis, not a Kung Fu movie.)

Gay, Set and Match. The irony of the whole day is that they just named the whole place after Billie Jean King, who couldn’t be more liberal, and the whole event couldn’t be more Republican.

Championship Point. Prices, ridiculous. Security, ridiculously annoying. The event, frustrating. A day with Daddy, priceless. There are some things money can’t buy, but this I can. I’m going to buy him a big plasma TV and we’ll watch it at home.