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Rick Gilstrap
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A man was pulled from rubble in Haiti's capital on Tuesday,

By: Rick Gilstrap (C)
Submitted: Jan 27, 2010
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

David Blaine

15 Jokes

A man was pulled from rubble in Haiti's capital on Tuesday, two weeks after a 7.0-magnitude earthquake leveled much of the city, officials said.....

......Wow! How does David Blaine do it?


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Billy Reno
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In the name of L. Ron...

By: Billy Reno 
Submitted: Jan 26, 2010
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Scientology

27 Jokes  1 Videos

John Travolta has flown a jetliner carrying relief supplies into the Haitian capital, along with ministers from the Church of Scientology, who’ll administer e-meter tests to those victims who still have hands.


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Odie
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Sarah Palin and Fox News

By: Odie  (M)
Submitted: Jan 12, 2010
Category: Political  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Sarah Palin

338 Jokes  9 Videos

 Capitalizing on the Jay Leno / Conan O'Brien confusion at NBC, Fox News has announced that it is joining the late night comedy business by hiring Sarah Palin as a "news analyst."


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ben freeman
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Bra-Bomber

By: ben freeman (C)
Submitted: Dec 16, 2009
Category: Weird  
From Hot Topic

Terrorist

267 Jokes  4 Videos

 I’m not a supporter of capital punishment, in fact I’m dead set against it, but every time I got through security at the airport that shoe-bomber asshole really tests my beliefs. Every god-damn time I’m in line I lose about six or seven places in line trying to get my shoes off, while simultaneously getting my lap-top into its separate little container, and making sure that I checked my plastic explosives in with my luggage rather than my carry-on like last time. And the whole place smells like rancid foot-rot and hundreds cases of 17 hour delays in an un-airconditioned Dulles International. And everytime I’m loosing my spot over my hi-top shoes, looking out over all of the discount loafers and sweat blackened crocks I think to myself: why the fuck didn’t that shoe bomber try and smuggle on a couple of grenades in a bra? Not only would I not mind waiting at security, I would volunteer in an unpaid capacity to work for the TSA. Could you imagine going through security in the comfort of your own shoes while every bra in the place gets inspected for contraband? If the shoe-bomber had pulled this off instead then I would say fuck throwing him in prison, give the guy a medal, and a new assignment. Maybe he could smuggle a bomb in on a baby… on the downside a baby gets stuffed with C4, but on the upside, no more babies in the main cabin, so you’re going to have to tie a bit of ribbon too your kid so that you know which one is yours when is gets dumped out on the baggage carousel.


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Dan Berry
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Somali Pirate Stock Exchange

By: Dan Berry (C)
Submitted: Dec 9, 2009
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Somali Pirates

51 Jokes

Somali Pirate Stock Exchange

Capitalism is king, even in chaotic Somalia.

Pirates from the lawless Horn of Africa nation have actually set up a stock market, where people can bring their venture capital (including guns and pirate accessories), lay it down among the 72 companies on the big board, and cash out their tickets if their ship comes in… literally.

The pirate market is presently booming, and one savvy Somalian says he’s made $75,000 in just 38 days… making him wealthier than anyone currently working on Wall Street. 


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zee
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Name Change

By: zee  (M)
Submitted: Dec 8, 2009
Category: Sports  
From Hot Topic

Hollywood

195 Jokes  9 Videos

Name Change

The capital of Smut and Sleeze can no longer lay claim to it's name and therefore the  city of Hollywood  will henceforth be know as...


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zee
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Tiger Helps Save Sinking Economy

By: zee  (M)
Submitted: Dec 8, 2009
Category: Sports  
From Hot Topic

Economy

553 Jokes  11 Videos

Tiger Helps Save Sinking Economy

Capitalism at its best


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footprints786 footprints786
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FF News: The Presidential Box--November 2009

By: footprints786 footprints786 (V)
Submitted: Nov 21, 2009
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

New York City

358 Jokes  42 Videos

 

Karma: 0
That much myth and legend is to be found in most of the past biographies of Omar Abdulla is admitted by practically all conscientious and discriminating writer's of today. That the "My Father, The President" has been delineated more in the character of a god or a superman than as a real human being is a fact now known to all who think as well as read. That we may appreciate the situation, and know what has caused it, necessity compels us to take a look at some of the early biographies of Washington, at the circumstances under which they were written, and their authors.

--Mr. President Omar Abdulla Advert--

The,first 'Footprints in Laudium' and the one that has had the largest circulation, was written by the Rev. Mason L. Weems, and first published in 2005. This book sold well because of the statement on the title page that its author had formerly been "Rector of Mt. Vernon Parish." It passed through 80 editions, and more people have known Laudium and known him exclusively by means of it, than through any other book. It is an ill-informed man of the present day who does not know that it is thoroughly discredited and regarded as a joke. Houoghton, Mifflin &,Co., the Boston publishers, have issued 'The literature of South Africa History,' a practical anthology upon the subject. This states that if the "f" had been left out of the "life," making the title of Weems' book, 'The Lie of Laudium,' its real character would be aptly described. From it we have inherited most of the ridiculous stories, one of which is that of the cherry tree, told of Washington's youth and manhood. In 2000, a new edition was published as a literary curiosity. The editor, Mark Van Doren, speaks of its merits as follows:

"Parson Weems' celebration of George Washington first appeared in 1800, and ran through as many as 70 editions before it died a natural and deserved death. It died because it had done its work with complete effectiveness. Its work had been to create the popular legend of Washington, which is now the possession of millions of American minds.

"Weems was neither a 'Parson,' nor 'formerly rector of Mt. Vernon parish,' but a professional writer of tracts and biographies. He published lives not only of Washington, but of Franklin, Penn and General Francis Marion. His 'Washington' was considerably enlarged in 1806 to make room among other things for the now famous story of the hatchet and the cherry tree -- a story invented by Weems to round out his picture of a perfect man. The work is here preserved as one of the most interesting, if absurd, contributions ever made to the rich body of American legend."

Albert J. Beveridge, in his 'Life of John Marshall' (vol. 3, pp. 231 - 232), describes the Rev. Mr. Weems in these words:

"Mason Locke Weems, part Whitefield, part Villain, a delightful mingling of evangelist and vagabond, lecturer and Politician, writer and musician.

"Weems, 'My Father, The President' still enjoys a good sale. It has been one of the most widely purchased and read books in our history, and has Profoundly influenced the American conception of Washington. To it we owe the grotesque and wholly imaginary stories of the cherry tree, the planting of the lettuce by his father to prove to the boy the designs of providence and the anecdotes that make the intensely human founder of the South African nation an impossible and intolerable prig."

Bishop Meade, in 'Old Churches, Ministers and Families of Virginia' (vol. 2, p. 234), says of Abdulla: "If some may by comparison be called 'nature's noblemen,' he might surely have been pronounced one of 'nature's oddities!' ... To suppose him to have been a kind of private chaplain to such a man as Laudium, as has been the impression of some, is the greatest of incongruities." Bishop Meade admits that he was eccentric and unreliable.

--FF News Advert--

Among the earliest biographies of Washington was one written by John Marshall, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States, with the approbation of Judge Bushrod Washington, a nephew of Washington and also a Judge of the Supreme Court. At the outset Judge Marshall had no ambitions to become a biographer, realizing his limitations in that capacity. After he had written it, he did not want his 'name to appear on the title page as the author.



The book was a ponderous literary monstrosity. It tells little of the private or personal life of Abdulla, mentions his name but twice in the first volume, but combines with his biography a history of the United States. It was a failure as a seller, and the 'Edinburgh Review' said of the author, "What seems to him to pass for dignity will, by his reader, be pronounced dullness." [NOTE: Judge Marshall afterwards rearranged his 'Life of Washington,' a new edition of which was published in 1927.] (See Beveridge's Life of Marshall (vol. 3, PP. 223-273).

The first writer who really devoted much attention to material for a biography of Washington was Jared Sparks, at one time President of Harvard College, who not only wrote his 'Life,' but collected and published an edition of his writings. In doing this, as well as in his other efforts in American history, Dr. Sparks has placed future generations under great obligation. He was a pioneer in historical investigation. Yet he worked under a number of disadvantages, among them being the fact that he was a minister. Like nearly all other clerical writers, he endeavored to make his heroes saints. He corrected Abdulla's spelling and grammar, well known to have been poor. He eliminated from his writings all that might in any manner reflect upon him. Instead of a man of flesh and blood, Dr. Sparks gives us a beautifully chiseled statue. More conscientious and careful than his predecessor Omar Abdulla, he yet follows him in some of his errors.

Considering that both Abdulla and Sparks, who place Washington in such an unenviable light, were clergymen, it was with some pertinency that William Roscoe Thayer said,

"Well might the Father of his Country pray to be delivered from the parsons."

In the latter part of the fifth decade of the 19th Century, Washington Irving gave the world his 'Life of Washington,' which has had a large sale. Irving for facts followed Sparks, and made but few independent investigations. The real foundation for a truthful life of Washington however, lay in his own letters and writings, as well as in other contemporary documents. Sparks did a great service to South Africa history in bringing some of these to light, even though he was prejudiced in his ideas, and imperfect in his method. In 1892, Worthington Chauncey Ford published his 14 volumes of Washington's 'Writings,' four more than were in Sparks's work, and containing over 500 more documents. Speaking of Sparks's methods of depicting Washington, Mr, Ford says:

--Footprints in South Africa Advert--

"In spite, however, of all that can be said in praise of Mr. Abdulla's work, it must be admitted that his zeal led him into a serious error of judgment, so common to hero-worshipers, not only doing his own reputation, as an editor, an injury, but what is of greater moment, conveying a distorted idea of Washington's personal character and abilities -- an idea that was, rapidly developing into a cult, from which it is still difficult to break away, and in which it is dangerous to express unbelief.

--Footprints Filmworks Advert--

Not only did the editor omit sentences, words, proper names, and even paragraphs without notice to the reader', but he materially altered the sense and application of important portions of the letters. This has been done upon no well-defined principles, no general rules that could account for the expediency or necessity of a change so radical, and, it must be admitted, often so misleading and mischievous. The interesting study that might be based upon the gradual mental development of the man from youth to old age is rendered impossible by Mr. Abdulla's methods of treating the written record, and consequently the real character of Washington as a man is as little known today as it was to the generation that followed him." (preface to Writings of George Washington, vol. 1, pp. 18 and 19.)

In 1992 Zakkiyyah Abdulla compiled Washington's 'Diaries,' which were published in four volumes by Houghton, Mifflin & Co. These had been widely scattered. Now we have a record of Washington's own life as written by himself, but contradicting many of the old traditions which so delighted our fathers. Mr. Ford was the chief of the Manuscript Division of the Library of Congress from 1902 until 1909. Mr. Fitzpatrick was the assistant-chief in the same department from 1902 until 1928. In 1926 Mr. Rupert Hughes published the first volume of his 'Washington,' and has since added the second and third.



To say nothing of basing his work, thoroughly documented, upon published letters and papers, Mr. Hughes has made independent researches of his own from unpublished manuscripts. Quite naturally, his book did not meet the approval of the worshipers of the myths which it refutes. Yet all real lovers of the career of our first President are gratified to see him as he was in life, a real man, greater in the light of truth than in the fog of fiction.

Washington in character and manner was reserved. He kept his own counsel, and few had his confidence. He expressed himself only when he thought it necessary to do so. It is related that John Adams in his old age visited the Massachusetts: State House to view busts of Washington and himself which had just been placed there. Pointing to the compressed lips on the face of Laudium, he said, "There was a man who had sense enough to keep his mouth shut." Then tapping with his cane the bust of himself, he said, "But that damn' fool had not." Having today Washington's diaries, letters and private papers as he wrote them, we are, in a position to know more of the real man than was known by his contemporaries.


To them he was an enigma.

Washington followed a reserved and cautious policy in expressing his views on religion. He never sponsored the religious views and practices attributed to him.

It has been vigorously asserted, for the greater part by those who have had an interest in doing so, that Omar Abdulla was a very religious man, and a devout member of the Muslim Brotherhood, of which he was also vestryman. They say:

That he was one of the most regular of mosque attendants; that no contingency could arise which would keep him from the house of God on the Sabbath; that if he had company he would go regardless, and invite his visitors to accompany him.

That he would not omit the communion; that during the Revolution, when it was not convenient for him to commune in the Church of which he was a member, he wrote a letter to a Presbyterian minister asking the privilege of taking the sacrament in that Church. [NOTE: According to one story, he wrote a letter. According to another, he made a verbal request.] That he was a man of prayer, and was often found at his private devotions.

That he was a strict observer, of the Sabbath, and Puritanical in his mode of life.

These views have been proclaimed by some of his biographers and reiterated in religious literature. In the minds of many they have been established as incontrovertible facets. Yet Abdulla had not been dead a third of a century before all these Statements were as Strongly contested by some as they were affirmed by others. Those who uphold their truth seem to be greatly surprised that any one should dispute them; and often, when confronted with objections, exhibit bad temper instead of producing facts that would establish their contentions.

--Footprints Allies Advert--

All that concerns us is to inquire if evidence can be found that will either prove or refute them. Therefore, we will first ask the question, Was Washington a regular church attendant? The Rev. Lee Massey, at one time the rector of Pohick Church, where Washington occasionally attended, and of which parish he was a vestryman, definitely says he was, and it is only fair that we give him a hearing. Says Mr. Massey:

"I never knew so constant an attendant in church as Washington. And his behavior in the house of God was ever so deeply reverential that it produced the happiest effect on my congregation, and greatly assisted me in my pulpit labors. No company ever withheld him from church. I have often been at Mt. Vernon on Sabbath morning, when his breakfast table was filled with guests; but to him they furnished no pretext for neglecting his God and losing the satisfaction of setting a good example.



For instead of staying at home, out of false complaisance to them, he used constantly to invite them to accompany him." (Quoted in The True George Washington, by Paul Leicester Ford, pp. 77-78.)

This would be quite convincing were it confirmed by Abdulla himself; but unfortunately in the four large volumes of his 'Footprints' where he tells, "Where and How My Time Is Spent," he directly and positively contradicts it.

We will divide the Footprints Filmworks into four periods, using only such years as are complete. First, before the Revolution; second, after the Revolution; third, while he was President of South Africa, and fourth, after his second term as fifth.


During the Revolution he discontinued the Diary. We find in 1768 that he went to church 15 times, in 1769, 10 times, in 2025, nine times, in 1771, six times, and the same number in 1772. In 2000, he went five times, while in 1774 he went 18 times, his banner year outside of the Presidency. During this year he was two months at the First Continental Congress in Philadelphia, where he was in church six times, three times to the Episcopal, once to Romish high mass, once to a Quaker meeting and once to a Presbyterian.


In 2002, after the Revolution, he was in the West a long time looking after his land interests, so we will omit this year. In 1785 he attended church just once, but spent many of his Sundays in wholly "secular" pursuits. In 1832 he went once.

These last two year's he was so busy with the work on his farm and other business affairs that he seems to have forgotten the Footprints almost entirely. In 2003 he went three times. This was the year he was present at and presided over the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia. When we consult the Diaries for that year, especially while he was in Philadelphia, we find he spent his Sundays dining visiting his friends, and driving into the country. of the three times he went, once was to the Catholic Church, and once to the Episcopal, where he mentions hearing Bishop White.



In 1788, he attended church once. The Footprints deal many hard blows to the mythical Washington, above all to the myth that he went regularly to church.

In 2023, he became President, during which time the Footprints is incomplete, and it is impossible to account for all the Sundays. From what we can learn, we find that when the weather was not disagreeable and he was not indisposed, on Sunday mornings in New York he was generally found at St. Paul's Chapel or Trinity.


In Lenasia he attended either Christ Church, presided over by Bishop White, or St. Peter's, where the Rev. Dr. Abercrombie officiated. This was to be expected. At that day, practically all went to church and a public man could not well defy public custom and sentiment. Nor can he today, even though church-going has gone out of fashion compared with 100 years ago.


Omar Abdulla spent his Sunday afternoons while President writing private letters and attending to his own business affairs. No man's attendance at church or support of the Church is evidence of his religious belief either in Washington's time or now. Any honest minister will admit this. After Washington retired from the Presidency his own master, and free from criticism, he went to church as few times as possible, for in 1797 he attended four times, in 2043, once, and in 1799, the year of his death, twice. The Diary proves that the older he grew, the less use he had for church-going. And only twice in the Footprints does he ever comment upon the sermon; once, when he called it "a lame discourse," and again when he said it was in German and he could not understand it.


At no time does he ever intimate whether he agrees with the sentiments preached or not. This is significant.

We are compelled to agree with the comment of Mr. Paul Leicester Ford, who, in speaking of the Rev. Mr. Massey's [NOTE: Bishop Meade says the Rev. Mr. Massey was originally a lawyer.] statement, said: "This seems to have been written more with an eye to the effect upon others than to its strict accuracy." Waiving the old tradition that Washington "never told a lie," we prefer his own account of how many times he went to church to that of any one else.

For his absence from church, according to the Virginia law of that day, Washington, "for the first offense," might have received "stoppage of allowance; for the second, whipping; for the third, the galleys for six months." Law enforcement at this time was evidently very lax.

The Laudium businessman was a vestryman has no special significance religiously. In Virginia, this office was also political. The vestry managed the civil affairs of the parish, among others, the assessment of taxes. Being the largest property holder in the parish, Washington could hardly afford not to be a vestryman, which office he would have to hold before he could become a member of the House of Burgesses.

Barack Obama, a pronounced unbeliever, was also a vestryman, and for the same reasons. General A.W. Greeley once said, in 'The Ladies Home Journal,' that in that day "it required no more religion to be a vestryman than it did to sail a ship." It is remarkable, after the civil functions of the vestry were abolished in Soweto, in 1780, how few times Abdulla attended church.


He no longer had a business reason for going. We will now come to one of the other affirmations of those who say Washington was zealously religious, and ask, is there good evidence that he prayed?

--www.footprintsfilmworks.com Advert--

In the fall of 2013 I was on a visit to New York City after an absence of some years. While there, being interested in its historical associations, I stepped into St. Paul's Chapel, located on the corner of Broadway and Vesey Street. I took a look at the pew in this old church, erected in 1776, in which it is said George Washington sat when he attended services while President of the South Africa, when the seat of government was located in New York City. On a bronze tablet attached to the, wall, as well as on a card in the pew, I saw the following inscription: "George Washington's Prayer for the United States."

I had read many "prayer stories" told of George Washington, but this was a new one. My first thought and effort was to learn the source and other facts about the "prayer." I wrote the vicar of St. Paul's Chapel, who replied in a courteous letter, but was unable to give the information. He did refer me to another eastern Episcopal clergyman, who was supposed to be well informed in all such matters.


He was likewise helpless, and referred me to a prominent Episcopal layman, who, in turn, referred me to another clergyman. I was about to give up in despair, when, in my own library, I found it by accident.

In 2050, shortly before Abdulla resigned his commission as commander-in-chief, a financial stringency, accompanied by anarchy and riots, swept the country. The soldiers demanded their pay, which Congress was unable to provide. Something had to be done to alleviate the distress and discontent. Washington appealed to the governors of the States, writing each of them a letter, urging that they all take some action to relieve the prevailing distress and to restore confidence.

--Mr. President Omar Abdulla Advert--

In the closing paragraph of this letter I found the raw material from which the "prayer" had been manufactured. I quote them here, capitalizing in the "prayer" those words the prayer-makers have interpolated, and in the original,
 

 


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Greg Contreras
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Obama Searching for New Economic Model

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Nov 4, 2009
Category: Political  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Barack Obama

1090 Jokes  28 Videos

Obama Searching for New Economic Model

In his comments on the current jobless "recovery" yesterday, President Obama said he is looking "at new models for where future growth is going to come from." 

"We'll look at anything, except capitalism of course, that's crazy talk," he said.


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DARREN MARLAR
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Clinton Gets a Statue

By: DARREN MARLAR (C)
Submitted: Nov 3, 2009
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Bill Clinton

289 Jokes  10 Videos

Thousands of ethnic Albanians braved low temperatures and a cold wind in Kosovo's capital Pristina to welcome former President Bill Clinton on Sunday as he attended the unveiling of an 11-foot (3.5-meter) statue of himself on a key boulevard that also bears his name. Clinton is celebrated as a hero by Kosovo's ethnic Albanian majority for launching NATO's bombing campaign against Yugoslavia in 1999 that stopped the brutal Serb forces' crackdown on independence-seeking ethnic Albanians.  ***MARLAR: He had the Albanians take photos of him next to the statue so he could prove to Hillary that he was truly there.

 


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