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 The Brobylonian Empire stretched from Western Asia to the verdant valleys of the Mediterranean. Their culture boasted many achievements, from the Tower of Brant, the Hanging Gardens of Brobylon, and a sexigesimal mathematic system, which included an understanding of the Pythagorean theorem long before Pythagoras. Too bad Pythagoras can’t use math to find the clit….where the f**k is that thing? However, the Bros are best known for the application of astrology.
F**king read the Wikipedia dude, f**k make you smart.
Horoscopes for the Week of July 4th:
Aquarius: You’re so original dude. I wouldn’t be surprised if you make the most original movie ever. Then you can just coast and hang with Ryan Reynolds and get bl**jobs with champagne.
Pisces: Dane Cook! What a f**king BRO!
Aries: Bro, listen. You need to shave the ‘stache. This is a Bro-ocracy, not a Cheer-ocracy. Read a book.
Taurus: Trent’s at 8. 31 Ave A. Don’t get confused and go to the Black Anus Bar and Grill again – even though that bar has those sweet BBQ wings and some really friendly dudes. Always a bro when you need one.
Gemini: Keg. Stand. Keg. Stand. Keg…stand. Keg stand, keg stand, keg Stand, KEG STAND KEG STAND KEEEEGGGG STTTTAAANND! Yeah! I f**king love this guy!
Cancer: Blue Moon? Where the f**k is the PBR? She’s changed you.
Leo: I read in Chloe’s astrology book that you’re independent. Which is totally true, you always leave the party to start the ghost riding competition. Watch out dude, because once I saw this kid run over himself on Youtube. F**k, dude.
Virgo: Lady Justice is blind, but Bro Justice is not. Remember that when Steve’s being a cunt about the microwave burritos again. Fucking NOT on the stove! They don’t taste better that way! F**king c??t.
Libra: Musical theater is kind of gay. But keep doing your thing man. That chick who played your wife in that last thing was pretty hot…I think…I don’t know. We showed up pretty blitzed. Was she a dude?
Scorpio: You say your going to the bar, but then you don’t call and go out with some muff-top bitty? I don’t mean to drag balls about this, but come on. Hershey highway?
Sagittarius: A centaur? That’s a sweet logo dude. I took my cousin to see Narnia, I thought it was going to be gay, but it’s almost better than Troy. Speaking of Troy, Brad, I heard you’re a Sag. You were f**king cut in that movie. Lets hang.
Capricorn: What? No. Naw dude. Naw. Woah….No.
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