What have we done to our kids tho seriously?, things were alot different when i was growing up, Fast food is now healthy, video games now have fucken fitness programmes, have you seen that shit. Wii Fit.got this fucken board that you stand on and it tells you how fat you are...wow, thanks...im glad i bought this game.

Seriously dont buy this game for your girlfriends if you EVER want to get laid again. Here you go honey its fun,stand on this..calculating body mass....Oh wow you got.... the high... score...yaaaaaaaay :s ..the couch?....ok :(. 

Hector Medina, one of Argentina's wealthiest men, had his body cryogenically frozen until medical science can develop a cure for gunshot wounds. 

My dad heard a Bob Marley cover on TV and shook his head saying "Nope. Only Bob Marley can sing that song."

I disagree. Anybody but Bob Marley can sing that song, because he's dead. 

As part of the British government's campaign against obesity, UK candy makers have agreed to phase out king-size chocolate bars. Critics assailed the move as an assault on freedom of choice and said it's pointless because if somebody wants to eat a double helping of candy, they can just buy two candy bars.  ***MARLAR: Also, from now on, bags of M&Ms can contain only one M.  (I actually love the “fun size” candy bars.  Although to me, any size candy bar is a fun size.)

10. You are sitting around when a girl you know is a real bitch comes up to you and says, “You look really put together. Like you aren’t on drugs today.” Your response, “Well, that’s normally the way I tolerate you. Too bad I don’t have that buffer today. Damn those twelve steps.”

9. You have been ranting and raving on the phone about a sucky day you are having when this woman, who is publically breast feeding and has her tits hanging out for all to see, tells you to be quiet because this language will corrupt her child. That’s when you hand the homeless crackhead ten bucks and tell him to grab her tits. That will put her in her place.

8. A rich snob that lives in your neighborhood is putting you and your buddies down again for hanging out on the stoop and laughing loudly. Tell the junkie ex-con who you know has committed a string of robberies in the neighborhood she has twenty bucks on her…..

7. Your roommate has a lady friend you can’t stand that is always making backhanded comments about how you dress when she is a bleach blonde with a bad die job. Casually mention your cousin is getting out of prison after twenty years because he strangled his girlfriend with her bra, stuffed her panties in her mouth, and dumped her body by the train tracks. Then tell he wants to come visit next week to see how much you have grown, and likes platinum blondes.

6. You know this girl who is always doing things for attention. Lately she is claiming a Jamaican guy sexually assaulted her just to see a guy infatuated with her beat someone up. Look at her pretending to be concerned and mention, “I know plenty of Jamaicans. And they never assault anyone with a flat chest. At least not as far as I know.”

5. You are at a gathering when a girl who is dressed like a treasure troll in drag continually makes jokes about you being a slut. Turn to her, smile, and say, “Why? Jealous I get some and you don’t. Im sure if you looked under the draw bridge your Froto would be there for you.”

4. A crazy girl who has been sending you nasty notes on myspace and making your life hell blogs about how she is a responsible mother and how people don’t understand how hard it is. Meanwhile the slut had the four kids to three guys at sixteen. You should comment on the blog, “Wow, must be hard work being a breeding lump. I mean , you lay down on your back a lot but still, gold star for a job shamelessly done.”

3. You recently got a promotion at your job and this girl who is clearly jealous of you is bad mouthing you saying she can’t believe you got it and she didn’t. That’s when you say, “You can’t believe it. Oh ye of little faith.”

2. You see a girl you went to high school with that is a total princess in every respect of the word. When she sees you after years of having not had contact, acts as if she is disgusted by your appearance. That’s when, as you calmly sip your coffee say, “By the way, I contracted Hep C not long ago. Want a sip?”

1. If any of these responses illicit a challenge for a cat fight by any of these party’s tell them you would fight except it is against your policy to assault the mentally handicapped. And then summon the nearest officer of the law when they are yelling and screaming and say you believe they wandered out of a group home and could he help them find their way back. And walk off into the sunset.

Looking to beef up your mojo this year? Burger King may have the answer. The home of the Whopper has launched a new men’s body spray called Flame, The Flame is described as “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat.” The fragrance is in stores and online for a limited time for $3.99. For an additional 50 cents you can purchase an upgraded body spray Flame Out, which captures the scent of the gaseous fumes, which follow your consumption of the Whopper Meal Deal.

News Headline: Protester calls former Australian PM ‘racist’ then throws boot at his head 

Well, that guy's screwed, now. Everybody knows that throwing a boot at a former prime minister is a bootable offense!

Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder told reporters that the team is letting everybody down. Except, of course, Nationals fans.

I've heard that not even rich people consider themselves to be rich. But I think I've finally found a test to prove that you're rich. If you can afford to EAT GOLD, then you are pretty well off, wouldn't you agree?

A restaurant in Duesseldorf has put gold-covered sausages on its menu. The restaurant owner claims eating gold is healthy. In addition to traditional tomato sauce and curry powder, the sausage comes with a piece of 18 carat leaf gold on its skin and diners at Curry restaurant pay handsomely to get it. How can it be healthy? Well, according to the restaurant manager, "It has been done in Greece for hundreds of years. One of our customers always brought in his own gold and asked us to cover his food with it, that's how we got the idea." The restaurant's manager also suggests ordering the gold-covered sausage for somebody instead of flowers if you're in love. ***MARLAR: Yeah, that'll work. "Baby, I love you so much I'm giving you a long cylindrical meat object wrapped in intestine and covered in metal."