If Tiger laid all his Bimbo's in a row (both meanings apply) it would make a nice golf course or two,

and easy for Tiger to go from hole to hole.

That's why Tiger is having so much trouble,

it seems his Bimbo pool is drying up. 

Tiger Woods' wife Elin Nordegren said she had enough of her two-timing, bimbo-chasing, no-condom wearing, son-of -a-bitch-bastard husband . " I want to put as many miles between us as possible . I don't feel like getting the same gifts he is giving to all his slutty girlfriends for Christmas, herpes, crabs, h.i.v., and the clap . "    

Tiger Woods Christmas Carol

(By DD and  RG)

I'm dreaming of a white Mistress
Just like the ones I used to know
Where her implants glistened…
and cell phones listened…
To hear “This is huge, she knows!”

I'm dreaming of some cheap bimbos

To meet in hotels for the night
May their lips be silent and tight…

Better hide the golf clubs from my wife

I'm dreaming of a white Mistress
With every waitress I invite…

May my endorsement contracts remain…

And a “sex addiction” I will blame.

Tiger Woods bangs these nine bimbos, goes home, and then invites two of his buddies over to the house. The phone rings. It's Johnny Miller. Johnny asks Tiger how his game is coming along. Tiger says; not too good. I just had two over after nine ho's.

...Britney Spears says her next album will be in Spanish.....she has already recorded the first single for the album.....a remake of "La Bimbo" 

QUEEN GREETS NATIVE AMERICANS, PROMISES TO VISIT CASINO

LONDON. In a belated attempt to right a long-standing historical wrong, Queen Elizabeth II met yesterday with representatives of a Native American tribe to receive a letter from their 18th century chief, who died of smallpox before he could deliver it to King George II.

"There is three pence postage due on this letter."

"I often have trouble with the mails myself, especially around Christmas," the Queen said as she received the letter, which complained of encroachments by English colonists on tribal lands in Connecticut which are now the site of a gambling casino.

"Mum--the natives are making fun of me."

"O Great White Mother of Prince Elephant Ears," said Bruce "Two Dogs" Bozsum, spokesman for the Mohegan tribe, "we beseech you to give us the rest of Connecticut we do not already own as we are just about out of parking lots for our high-rollers."

"Two Dogs" Bozsum:  "You don't own Connecticut?  That's not what the guy who sold Manhattan back to us said."

"You realize, do you not," the Queen replied, "that I don't own Connecticut anymore?"

"Actually, we didn't, O Monarch Who Was Indifferent to the Death of Diana, the Great White Bimbo," Bozsum replied. "Would you mind coming to our casino anyway as we are just about out of suckers in the U.S. and may not reach our billion dollar profit target for the fourth quarter."

Herman's Hermits:  "We're going to sing the bloody song until you say we're better than the Beatles."

The Queen paused before responding with a question of her own. "Would--would I be welcome there, given the Revolution and the pain we inflicted on your people through Herman's Hermits and 'I'm Henry the VIII I Am'?"

"Most assuredly, She Who Runs With Corgi Dogs," Bozsum assured the Queen. "We have many elderly women who bring adult diapers so they can play the slot machines for hours without going to the ladies' room."

"Forget it Ethel--I'm not leaving 'til I win."

"How ingenious," the Queen replied. "And do you have a sufficient number of round card girls for the boxing matches that I understand you hold there?"

The Queen would add a touch of class. 

"Yes, although we could maybe work you in on the undercard to the James 'Bonecrusher' Smith-Everett 'Bigfoot' Martin comeback fight," Bozsum explained.

"That would be superb," the Queen replied. "Have your people call my people."

After a ceremony in Southwark Cathedral, the members of the tribe received autographed "Prince of Wales" cardboard crowns and gift certificates for the Fish 'n Chips Basket at the Black Lion Restaurant in London, and were escorted out of Buckingham Palace by M16 personnel.

Copyright 2006, Con Chapman