In Gossau, Switzerland, police say a 47-year-old Italian man really raised the bar on reckless driving during 11 frantic minutes when he managed to rack up 15 traffic violations! The first was speeding past an unmarked police car. He then began driving dangerously close to other cars on the highway, then ignored three police attempts to pull him over. He then ran a stop sign, sped through a construction zone, and racked up eight more violations before finally being stopped.  ***MARLAR: When interviewed by reporters, Swiss police said they had no idea Billy Joel was vacationing there.

You know how they buried Billy Mays?

With the Awesome Auger!

Billy Wagner's agent said the closer is not retiring. The only problem is his agent is Brett Favre.

Miley Cyrus appears half-naked in Vanity Fair? Who cares? Miley Cyrus bares her bra on MySpace? So what? Miley Cyrus lapdances on a 50-year-old director? Whatever. Miley Cyrus pole dances on the Teen Choice awards? Ho-hum.

 Miley Cyrus deletes her Twitter account. OMG! Now Billy Ray puts his foot down!

I can't wait to see what's under it! 

What if the expression "full of piss and vinegar" never existed? Could you describe how tough somebody is with a different combination of bodily fluids and salad toppings?

"Yeah, watch out for Billy, he's full of shit and croutons. Worse yet, his dad's full of earwax and bacon bits!" 

 Coroners revised the late pitchman Billy Mays' cause of death as:  "...initiated by a traumatic blow to the cranium, causing his head to continually slump over a mirror on the coffee table.... "

Called back from the dead, Billy's ghost will advertise Sheet Whyte..."the best whitener and brightener in the market today! But, you must act fast, as my ghost may quickly disappear! Order right now and we'll include two extra boxes of Sheet Whyte for the price of one," so goes the spiel.