In Virginia, death row inmates get to choose between execution by electric chair or lethal injection. This limited number of choices reflects poorly on the state's creativity. How about death by fireworks, where the criminal is zapped by fireworks from Lady Gaga's bra? Or how about death by boredom, where a prisoner is forced to read the entire 2,000 page House of Representatives health care bill? (Oops, we forgot that "cruel and unusual punishment" is ruled out by the Eighth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.)

I went into Mc donalds the other day  and theve got all this mc cafe shit, mc cafe le cafe

im like, really? thats what kids want now?  A fucken fritatta and a latte?

I guess its all just money at the end of the day tho, but i mean couldnt you come up with something better then a fucken cafe? seriously? you are a multi billion dollar company and your idea is to put another food outlet...in your..... food.... outlet? wtf

Personally my idea.....Mcwhore house..im serious,it would work, just dont get confused about where you are,thats all im saying... walk up to the madaam and order a quater pounder with cheese, cause ull end uop with an anorexic chick with thrush sitting on ya face 

Dennis Rodman was detained in Germany after a hotel said he skipped out on a $5,000 bill. That's nothing: Rodman used to spend that much just on dress alterations.

Financially strapped actor Nicolas Cage is selling his homes, cars, yachts, and artwork so he can pay off his IRS bill and help stave-off bankruptcy.. Don't fret though.. He's hard at work on the movie set... Some upcoming projects;  National Treasure 3: The Search For Write-Offs, Broke In 60 Seconds, and Leveraging Las Vegas...

A Democratic senator from Arkansas is not sure if she'll vote for the health care bill because she wants to make sure that it's good for the people in her state.  I say, "Vote for the bill.  We'll fly all 7 people in your state to our New York doctors whenever they're sick!."

Putting a good spin on bad news : April 15, 1912 , White Star Liner officials announce, : Titanic sinks, but the good news is 705 people were rescued . Unfortunately 1517 died but they were mostly lower class steerage passengers  .  ****** Election Day November 7, 1972 : President Nixon beats George McGovern in a lopsided landslide victory. The McGovern campaign manager declared, " We may have lost 49 out of 50 states including George's home state of South Dakota, but we won Massachusetts ! "  ********  November 16, 2009  General Motors announces a loss of Only $1.2 Billion Dollars for the third quarter. President Obama was so pleased with the good news G.M. didn't lose another $6 billion of taxpayer money as had been expected.  He said on Chinese National TV, " I think it's time we pop open the champaigne bottles and celebrate ! "   .

   Early in Bill Clinton's career--at a well-attended political rally--this young, attractive pregnant woman was brandishing a large sign, which read:  "CLINTON IS THE ONE!"

   When candidate Clinton spotted her, he quickly left Hillary's side and made his way through the crowd to ask the swollen, slightly startled supporter, "Madam, would you mind exchanging signs with someone?" 

 The NFL fined Titans owner Bud Adams $250,000 on Monday for shooting both fingers repeatedly at Buffalo fans while celebrating Tennessee’s 41-17 win over the Bills.  That will teach him not to overdose on Viagra!  

In Nashville, Tennessee, team owner Bud Adams, was fined $250,000 by the NFL, for apparently making obscene gestures at Buffalo Bills fans during his Titans 41-17 win.

Adams, who says he was signaling his coaches on the field to run “play #1,” agreed to pay the fine, because it worked and his team won. 

For all women under 50, Bill Clinton is offering free breast exams.