A company planning to open the first hotel in space says it will be able to accept its first paying guests in 2012.  The hotel amenities will include high-end toiletries, a mini-bar, and a beautiful view of the Earth’s demise.

Economy experts claim that the threat of swine flu has drastically lowered hog prices, costing the industry more than $1 billion.  As a result, scientists in New York City are desperately searching for a new strain of virus they can call the “rent flu”.

Wal-Mart has introduced a line of caskets for sale in its online store.  To better serve the typical Wal-Mart consumer, they’ll offer three sizes – large, extra-large and “We’ll have to remove a wall.”

Watching the Halftime show at the Superbowl, "The Who" should have been billed as, "The Was."  I didn't know if they were going to smash their guitars or their walkers.  Afterwards, they were seen chugging Red Bull laced Metamucil.

Atlanta Shriner officials said thieves stole seven mini-cars from a storage facility in suburban Atlanta, leaving the charity short on vehicles for upcoming parades.  The car-nappers have been taunting the Shriners by sending them tiny carburetors in the mail.

What did Bill Clinton say when asked whether he would have sex with Palin?

"You betcha!" 

Bill Clinton, John Edwards, Mark Sandford and Tiger Woods walk into a bar and there's one woman there.    

Edwards says, "I'm trying to look better in the public eye - can't do it."

Sandford says, "I've got this hot latin babe. I've gotta pass."

Tiger says, "Next time Elin's using a 2 iron and aiming lower. Can't risk it."

Clinton breaks out into a broad smile and turns to his secret service agents: "Boys - make sure Hillary's still in Afghanistan."