In related news, Joan Rivers cancels big Democratic fund raiser.  

 NEW MOON? Vampires? Werewolves? lol! Give me a break! I saw the first Twilight movie and it was one of the gayest, most stupid movies I've ever seen. What ever happened to the old vampires... Big, Mean, Scary? The ones now look like anorexic Backstreet Boys! The Count from Sesame Street would have been scarier!..lol "One, one sissy little werewolf...Two, two sissy little werewolves...THREE, THREE SISSY LITTLE WEREWOLVES! AH! AH! AH! AH! AHhhh!"

Barack Obama goes home to the big butt of Michelle Obama.

6'8" 275-lb Mike Sweetney signed a deal to play in China. Now comes the hard part: designing a plane big enough to take him there.
 

Don't stare at the chimps! That's the new rule posted at the zoo in Antwerp, Belgium. Of course, you can't feed them, either. Zoo officials are particularly concerned about a male chimp named Cheetah. They worry that people staring at Cheetah will prevent him from bonding with the other apes at the park. He was raised by humans, but the zoo keepers say Cheetah is now making contact with others of his kind. ***MARLAR: So, in other words, go ahead and pay the big bucks to get into the zoo – but whatever you do, DON’T LOOK AT THE ANIMALS!

(WTVG-TV News) Whoever just robbed Henry's Jewelers in Toledo, Ohio is going to be in for a big shock. All those gold rings you stole are worth about 25 cents apiece. Owner Henry Triplett says oh sure -- they looked to be worth thousands of dollars. But the "gold" rings in his display case are actually just brass dummies-- mere samples of the real gold rings he keeps safely locked up and out of view. So the real cost of the robbery will only be the expense of replacing his store's front window and the shattered glass on 13 display cases.  ***MARLAR: It won’t be hard to find the culprits.  Just go immediately to the boyfriends of girls you see with green fingers.

A New York judge ordered a clown to change out of his colorful costume during his trial.  Judges hate when people dress weird in court; goofy white curly wigs, big black robes-stuff like that. 

...Carrie Prejean says making her infamous sex tape was the biggest mistake of her life.  The 2nd biggest was making the other 6 sex tapes.  

In Southwest Ranches, Florida, Rob Falk must really love his pig. Town officials ordered him to get rid of his 300-pound Yorkshire pet pig named Strawberry, but Falk says he'd rather leave town than give up the animal. City Council members cited Falk's landlord for a code violation in July. Last week, officials gave Falk 30 days to remove Strawberry from the home, saying that the town allows only one Vietnamese pot bellied pig per household. Officials are also worried that the pig will get bigger and grow large tusks. Falk says his family will move because "the pig is like one of our children."  ***MARLAR: Oh yeah... Rob’s children have also been banned from town.

Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis appears to be on the chopping block. We had no idea they made chopping blocks that big.