In Virginia, death row inmates get to choose between execution by electric chair or lethal injection. This limited number of choices reflects poorly on the state's creativity. How about death by fireworks, where the criminal is zapped by fireworks from Lady Gaga's bra? Or how about death by boredom, where a prisoner is forced to read the entire 2,000 page House of Representatives health care bill? (Oops, we forgot that "cruel and unusual punishment" is ruled out by the Eighth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.)

I went into Mc donalds the other day  and theve got all this mc cafe shit, mc cafe le cafe

im like, really? thats what kids want now?  A fucken fritatta and a latte?

I guess its all just money at the end of the day tho, but i mean couldnt you come up with something better then a fucken cafe? seriously? you are a multi billion dollar company and your idea is to put another food outlet...in your..... food.... outlet? wtf

Personally my idea.....Mcwhore house..im serious,it would work, just dont get confused about where you are,thats all im saying... walk up to the madaam and order a quater pounder with cheese, cause ull end uop with an anorexic chick with thrush sitting on ya face 

 I try to keep things in my sex life fresh between me and my Girlfriend.  I actually created a new move the other week, I call it "Rape."  The key is, we do it when she doesn't feel like it!  She really gets into though, like when I'm about to finish she usually gets me in the face with some pepper spray, which REALLY doesn't even burn anymore, it's just like a light seasoning to sex!

Sarah Palin told Oprah between commercial breaks about her relationship with Levi Johnston ." I'm really so sorry he didn't marry my daughter Bristol . We had so much fun together . Levi and I would play many games whenever he came over to our house . My favorite game was,  " Guess what book I'm gonna read next ? "  If I stumped him I would grab him by the crotch and yell " Gotcha ! "  ***  Oprah broke the news to Sarah that Levi was going to pose nude in Playgirl Magazine next month . " Oh I didn't know that Oprah," confessed Palin . " I'm gonna fetch me a copy just as soon as it comes out . I can't wait to see Levi's titties ! "

According to research at the Centre for Health and Society in Copenhagen, Denmark, babies who weigh six pounds or less at birth or more than 9.4 pounds are far more likely to die earlier as an adult than babies of average weight.  ***MARLAR: And what exactly are we supposed to do with this information – tell the unborn babies at six pounds that they’d better bulk up?

Manny Pacquiao weighed in at 144 pounds, his heaviest ever, while Miguel Cotto came in at the contract limit of 145 pounds for their scheduled 12-round fight Saturday night.   Also much anticipated is the preliminary bout on Saturday night between Mike Tyson and a TMZ paparazzo.

Brett Favre is reportedly dealing with ankle, knee, foot, hip, and groin issues. On the positive side, his uvula has never felt better.

H1N1 is such a menace these days that it's put a dung topping on American Health Care. Yes, the Swine Flu is such a harbinger of doom that human experimentation of the drug seems to be best left alone. If pigs can fly, let's just say a better health care system for U.S. Citizens seems as close as shoving a 1,000 pound sow through the eye of a hypo-needle. 

Queen Elizabeth, because if the kids really started to act up, she could lock them up in the Tower of London and have their heads cut off. Now, that's reality tv!

Vegas is giving odds that the recent marriage of Khloe Kardashian and Los Angeles Laker Lamar Odom will meet its ultimate demise within six months, one year, or three more road games. 

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