A JetBlue Airways plane blew a tire while landing in Sacramento, California, on Thursday, triggering an emergency evacuation . Each passenger cussed at the flight attendants, grabbed a beer and then exited the plane by the emergency slide. Each passenger was charged extra for use of the slide. 

The tires of a JetBlue airplane caught fire Thursday during a hard landing in Sacramento that left 15 people with minor injuries and sent passengers down emergency slides to escape the aircraft.  It happened so fast no one even had time to grab a couple beers.

   I've been working in this stuffy old CBS office for over 60 years now, if you can really call this work . We get all eight major newspapers delivered here every day .  I never read any of them but I keep them all neatly piled up on the floor . Some of these stacks are even taller than I am . I never throw any away because recycled newspapers are worth about $6 a ton these days . You should see my empty soda can and beer bottle collection I have at home .

     Reading is one of the high points of my day . I don't do much here at CBS anymore except watch TV, take several naps, and wander around the building looking for people to annoy . You should see them all scatter when they see me coming . Just because I like to goof-off doesn't give anyone else the right to do so .

      In the past I used to read classy newspapers like the N.Y. Times, Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today . I gave all that boring stuff up years ago . I'm tired of reading about the bad economy, people out of work, tar balls in the Gulf of Mexico, Obama, politics, and current events . I couldn't care less if some Third World Country is building an Atom Bomb .   These days I really do enjoy reading all the trashy tabloids they sell in the supermarket like The National Enquirer, Star, The Globe, and The National Examiner . I'd rather know about important stuff like : What Lady Gaga will wear at the Grammy's,  or  Who will be Paris Hilton's new BFF, or What Snooki from the Jersey Shore is up to . I wonder who the next big celebrity will be that enters rehab or goes to jail ?      Dr Laura Schlessinger said the N Word 11 times on her  radio program yesterday . She said she will retire from radio at the end of the year but I think they already fired her .  I still have all her nude photos from when she was young, about 50 years ago .  Her old boyfriend must have been such a thoughtful guy to download those pictures of her . I always wondered about the expression on that person's face who developed those photos so many years ago ?

   The Kardashian girls are very popular on TV these days . I don't know exactly what the're famous for except having a first and last name that begins with the letter " K ".  Kim Kardashian has a pretty face and a very fat ass . I think she was married to a Black record producer several years ago . Since then she has dated many other Negro celebrities including NFL Football player, Reggie Bush .  I wonder why Black men can't resist a White woman with a plump behind ? 

     I still have not caught up with the other Kardashian sisters Kourtney and Khloe'  .   However, I do know quite well who their father was .  Robert Kardashian was about as low as a human being can get .  He was a lawyer who helped O J Simpson beat a double murder rap several years ago .   Kardashian was a little guy like me . He only stood about 5'5" tall . Kardashian was O.J. Simpson's good friend . It was well known that Robert Kardashian disposed of O.J.'s garment bag containing the murder weapon and bloody clothing .  Kardashian also assisted Simpson's legal Dream Team and sat next to him every single day during his trial .    Unfortunately, Kardashian got sick and died almost 7 years ago at the early age of only 59 .  I guess right now Robert Kardashian is serving the Devil in Hell by shoveling hot coals for eternity while his daughters enjoy being the the little media whores they are  .  ....................................................................................................................................... Disclaimer ....Disclaimer ........ Disclaimer !  This was not written by Mr Andy Rooney nor does it reflect his opinion nor that of CBS in any way . It is only meant to be satire written by the Evil Genius Kascha Kwan who's initial's are also K.K .   

  In regards to building a mosque on  Ground  Zero  law makers have called for a root beer summit.   Jobless claims  fell as politicians misunderstood " we got more Hire's " for '" we got more hired." 

An unamed source said she cursed her superiors, grabbed a couple beers, and exited the barracks by means of an inflatable ramp. 

A nearly naked Lady Gaga was performing at Lallapalooza in Chicago recently.In her skimpy fishnet outfit,she dove into the crowd and surfed.One lucky fan was even able to keep abreast.

Chris Martin does an extended version of his five-minute set at the Fallout open mic in Richmond, VA August 10, 2010. He muses about performing stand-up comedy in Colonial Heights and Charlottesville, Virginia, the heat wave in Richmond and all over the country, Purple Martins and shrimp, and Farmville and Mafia Wars. Other hot topics: synthetic marijuana, Seven-11 beer and the French legislature’s ban of the full veil. He takes some swipes at Sooki and Snooki and cerebrates his birthday. Recorded live at the Fallout open mic in Shockoe Bottom August 9, 2010. MC is Joshua Saucier.

A Jet Blue flight attendant yelled at some passengers, took a couple beers, and exited by means of the emergency chute.  The flight attendant was arrested, suspended without pay, and added to the government's "no fly" list. 

Authorities later charged him with defamation of a wedding song.