Barbara Walters asked Sarah Palin what her first reaction was after she learned her baby was going to be born with Down's syndrome .  Sarah replied,  " I told my husband Todd to switch babies with Bristol after she gave birth . Nobody would suspect anything 'cause Levi Johnston is the biggest retard in Alaska ."

   A local guy is in the process of forming a group to promote breast feeding--for adult men.

   His tentative slogan:  "Human breast milk, a super-nutritious food--and udderly delicious!"

   A defensible viewpoint, to be sure.  Though it does seem an awful lot like taking candy from a baby. 

A two year old Tennessee boy helped his mother deliver her fourth baby on their living room couch.  When a reporter asked him if he'd been scared or nervous, the toddler replied, "Ha!  No way; the last two were C-sections!"

The doctor slapped the baby and then he slapped Cheney to restart his heart.

The green movement is claiming that "diaper-free babies" will help save the planet.  That’s right – no diapers on babies at all.  They say disposable diapers create landfill waste, while washing cloth diapers pollutes the water.  So what is their solution?  Their "retro, cutting-edge, environmentally-friendly" idea is to encourage moms to let their babies go diaperless and carry tight-lidded buckets with them. They suggest parents get in tune with the baby's bodily signals, and when it's ready to, well, “let fly,” hold the baby over the bucket, a toilet, bushes, or any convenient receptacle.  ***MARLAR: How about holding the baby over the head of anyone who suggests this?  You think sitting next to a baby on an airplane is bad now…

According to research at the Centre for Health and Society in Copenhagen, Denmark, babies who weigh six pounds or less at birth or more than 9.4 pounds are far more likely to die earlier as an adult than babies of average weight.  ***MARLAR: And what exactly are we supposed to do with this information – tell the unborn babies at six pounds that they’d better bulk up?

Isn't it ironic that the same people who completely oppose abortion, wake up every morning and eat scrambled eggs? Well, I guess that's more hypocritical than ironic....  "Ya know, Jessica's going to hell for getting rid of that baby, however these half born chickens are DELICIOUS!" 

Unemployment is now 10.2 percent. How bad is the economy? The economy is so bad that Archie is pimping Betty AND Veronica. The economy is so bad that people are using the DMV as a portrait studio. The economy is so bad the former Miss USA, Carrie Prejean, had to pawn her implants. The economy is so bad, Donald Trump had to fire himself. The economy is so bad, the Three Little Pigs can't afford to get swine flu. The economy is so bad, the GEICO caveman ate the GEICO Gecko. The economy is so bad, Madonna adopted a baby from Detroit.

Calderdale Royal Hospital in England banned visitors from cooing over babies because it might insult the babies' dignity.  ***MARLAR: How much dignity do you have to start with when you're sucking your thumb wearing dirty diapers?

The World Meteorological Organization is running out of assigned names for hurricanes.  ***MARLAR: How is that possible?  Do they not read the Hollywood baby announcements?  We could use the names Scout, Rumor, Dweezel, Moon Unit and Apple!