9-1-1 is closed -- "because everyone is at the doughnut shop." That's the bogus audio message an Easton, Pennsylvania, firefighter heard when he clicked a link on the city's Web site. City officials say the file was accidentally left on the site by a former fire chief, who was hired to improve Easton's Net offerings. The consultant thought the audio links didn't work and believed he had deleted them. The message has now been taken off-line. But firefighter Terrance Hand, who discovered the bogus doughnut shop message, says the city's firefighters and police officers deserve an apology.  ***MARLAR: Which they will receive once they return from Krispy Kreme.

In a new audio tape, Osama bin Laden openly taunts Americans.  Apparently by claiming they'll never find him, because he has disguised himself as a job.

In a new audio tape, Osama bin Laden openly taunts Americans.  Apparently by claiming they'll never find him, because he's disguised as a job.

If a portion of the federal stimulus package goes towards a health clinic for audiologists, is that considered an "Ear-Mark?"

First, listen to the opening chant in this video:

Now, compare audio:

An American farmer was undecided on who to vote for on November 4.  Out of complete desperation, he decided to ask his chickens, "Should I vote for John McCain or Barak Obama?'  The chickens all answered, "BARAK! BARAK! BARAK!"

Claudio from Toronto Canada

Via Action News

Turns out the Fisher-Price "Little Mommy Real Loving Baby Cuddle and Coo" doll has a special message for your child.  Parents are outraged to hear it mumble "Satan is king" and clearly speak "Islam is the light" instead of saying things like "I love you and my etrade account."

Target eventually took them off the shelves when they were caught on video tape flying remote control planes into the soda machines.  One of the dolls was asked why they were acting like this, and he said, "Uh... maybe you haven't heard... but there's like 70 friggin virgins up there waiting for me." (Ok, this last part I made up, but the first paragraph is true!)

Remember Teddy Ruxpin?  It was a talking bear and it would say whatever was on the audio tape you put in it.  I used to make Teddy sing "Relax, Don't do it.... when you want to go to it..." which I thought was funny, but I was still too young to know what the words meant.  I asked my older sister... "Relax, don't do what?".. and she said "Don't pick your nose."

This week on "Dear Star Savior," the first audio version of the celebrity advice column:

-- Rapper T.I. gets advice about his child-support lawsuit

-- Lance Bass gets advice about a potential ‘N Sync reunion, and

-- I reach out to Star Jones after her divorce is finalized

If you see or hear about a celebrity in need of help, leave me a message on the Celebrity Rescue Line at 206-426-5796 or contact me here or through StarSavior.com.

Download "Dear Star Savior: Ep. 1" (MP3, 6:29, 3 MB)