Lance Armstrong signed a deal with Michelob Ultra. Mainly to make the mountain stages of the Tour de France a lot more interesting.
 

NASA crashed a rocket and a satellite into the moon at a cost of $79 million in hopes of finding water.  Wouldn't it have been cheaper to send Neil Armstrong back to the moon with a divining rod?  

 In Cincinatti, Ohio- a 38 year-old man named Neil Armstrong is constantly bombarded with letters and requests for autographs since he lives near the 78-year old famous astronaut with the same name.

The younger Armstrong stresses that the two are entirely different, and that the only similarity is that they both never really landed on the moon.

Lance Armstrong conceded he can not beat teammate Alberto Contador in the Tour de France. That's a ballsy thing to admit. Or in Armstrong's case, "bally."
 

Lance Armstrong is on the verge of winning the Tour De France for the 8th time. Just in case the French don’t hate us enough.

Lance Armstrong is on the verge of winning his eighth Tour de France. If this continues much longer, he'll be winning it with his left blinker on.
 

 Lance Armstrong, despite having battled testicular cancer, is on the verge of regaining the Yellow Jersey in the Tour De France.  He, after ending a 3 1/2 year retirement, is poised to win for the eighth time.  Word is he is in negotiations to sign a book deal with a major publisher after retiring, from cycling, for good.  The memoir “Having A Ball And Winning Too” promises to be an inspiration to all.

This is a “can’t wait for” read from the man who is to bicycle racing what John Henry was to horse racing: A MOST SUCCESSFUL GELDING!

Shaquille O'Neal has challenged Lance Armstrong in a bike race. Shaq plans on carrying his.

"We don't wanna bust his ba...spirit."

A team manager said that a broken collarbone won't keep Lance Armstrong from competing in the Tour de France. Though if he gave up in France, he would be a local hero.