A recent study proports to estimate how long you have to live based on various life-events and life-style habits.

Unemployed or underemployed for the past 9 years. Check.  Former alcoholic. Check. Glass half empty frame of mind. Check. Married but miserable. Check. Male. Check.  Economic-disaster area of the country. Check.  Full of rage. Check.

I guess I have about 12 minutes to live.  Quick.  Rate this joke so I can die happy. 

Democratic re-election slogan. Due to popularity decreases, they're hoping to pick up some Barry Manilow & Lynyrd Skynyrd fans, as well as all of the  Irish.

Chelsea Clinton is getting married this weekend. Chelsea will be wearing a Vera Wang-Bill will be trying to wang Vera.

 A Federal judge has blocked key provisions of the infamous Arizona anti-immigrant law, SB 1070, from being implemented. For Jan Brewer instead of  deporting a dirty Sanchez, she received one.

The Catholic Church says it will be streamlining some of it's procedures including reporting abuse and financial reporting between dioceses and parishes. If they really want to streamline procedures in the Catholic Church, put in a 10 sins or less line for confession.  

While "(Sittin' On) the Dock of the Bay" with her brother Michael 

France has declared war on Al Queda. French manufacturers are gearing up to meet the anticipated demand for White Flags. 

Obama is to be the first sitting president to appear on a daytime talk show but this historic event won’t cross airwaves in Arizona since the President still hasn’t shown his birth certificate papers

The NYPD arrested rapper/actor Ice-T on accusations that he was driving with a suspended license after being pulled over for not wearing a seatbelt.  In addition to that infraction, Ice-T was giving the officer Lip-ton and then Snapple-d at him.