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Search "Archie" returned 3 Jokes
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Chris Martin
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Unemployment reaches double digits

By: Chris Martin (C)
Submitted: Nov 7, 2009
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Unemployment

118 Jokes  1 Videos

Unemployment reaches double digits

Unemployment is now 10.2 percent. How bad is the economy? The economy is so bad that Archie is pimping Betty AND Veronica. The economy is so bad that people are using the DMV as a portrait studio. The economy is so bad the former Miss USA, Carrie Prejean, had to pawn her implants. The economy is so bad, Donald Trump had to fire himself. The economy is so bad, the Three Little Pigs can't afford to get swine flu. The economy is so bad, the GEICO caveman ate the GEICO Gecko. The economy is so bad, Madonna adopted a baby from Detroit.


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Anthony DeVito
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Stuff This!

By: Anthony DeVito (C)
Submitted: Nov 20, 2006
Category: Entertainment  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Paris Hilton

250 Jokes  10 Videos

Thanksgiving is approaching, and basic cable is choked with cooking shows offering different takes on preparing a holiday feast.

Too many of these shows have mentioned that most upsetting of culinary abominations: THE TURDUCKEN. As you know, this monstrosity, this offense to nature, is a turkey stuffed with a duck, which itself is stuffed with a chicken. Come on, that's gross. It's like something out of a Hellraiser movie. Obscene and just plain wrong.

What if there were some faraway planet, where intelligent poultry ruled and humans were raised in cages as food? What might they eat to celebrate their national Sun-cycle of GratitudeTime? I offer this partial list:

MAWOMBY: A man, stuffed with a woman, stuffed with a baby.

KELPARCHIE: Kelly Osbourne, stuffed with Paris Hilton, stuffed with Nicole Richie.

KARDIZZA: Karl Rove, stuffed with Dick Cheney, stuffed with Condolezza Rice.

ARKRAVINCE: Aretha Franklin, stuffed with Lenny Kravitz, stuffed with Prince.

CAMMERUNT: Camryn Manheim, stuffed with Meryl Streep, stuffed with Linda Hunt.

CROSTILLASH: Crosby, stuffed with Stills, stuffed with Nash.

 


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DC BENNY
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Nick Minucci/ batter up

By: DC BENNY (C)
Submitted: Oct 1, 2005
Category: Blogs  
From Hot Topic

Al Sharpton

32 Jokes  1 Videos

Daily Comedy has found out that "Fat" Nick Minucci, who is on trial for attacking two African-American men in his Howard Beach neighborhood with a bat, has signed with the William Morris agency. Here is a internal memo that has been circulating, detailing the agency's plan to build Minucci up as the next Joey Buttafuouco.

TO ALL AGENTS:

re: Plans to Market "Fat" Nick.

1) Have Nick release rap album. Get in fight with Vanilla Ice. Show solidarity. Play up street cred by hiring authentic-looking posse ( Bobby Brown, Al Sharpton?).They angrily pose on cover with Nick. Vanity plate of Escalade reads: “I Lv N-Words”. Correction. Make that “N-wordz”.

2) Plan to move Nick out from mom's basement by 40th birthday so he can have a love interest other than painting his dick black and beating it.

3) Send Nick to etiquette school. Have him learn that those little spoons on the table are not for coke and to stop saying “yous” as a plural of the word “you”.

4) Make him resume his education so he can learn how to read and eventually how to write, so that one day he’ll be able to lie about his past to Oprah.

5) Tell Nick to stop beating the P.R. guy. Explain that P.R. doesn’t stand for Puerto Rican.

6) Get him meeting with Dreamworks so he can pitch his reality show idea about hanging with his friends. It’s like "Entourage" with hate crimes!

7) Take Nick on a sensitivity tour to the place where all black people came from...Sicily. Call Dennis Hopper to verify historical accuracy so Nick doesn’t hit you with a bat.

8) Pitch sitcom where Nick is the young Archie Bunker called “Fuck You, You Fuckin’ Fuck”. Merchandise pre-grease-stained wife beaters with network logo.

9) Ask Marky Mark how he got out of that whole situation with the Korean grocer.

10) Speaking of Marky Mark, talk to Calvin Klein about developing Nick-el Bags nut-hugger underwear campaign (note: Liposuction may be needed for Nick to model).


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