You probably should not own a gun if:

   You consider road rage to be a viable philosophy.

   Your wife's longtime lover is becoming obnoxious about it.

   You think Russian Roulette is a stimulating parlor game.

   You've physically attacked a Jehovah's Witness, Mormon or girl scout for ringing your doorbell.

   You are convinced the anti-Christ keeps breaking into your car.

   Finally--and most concerning--a raspy voice in your head keeps telling you to seek immediate employment at the nearest post office.  

The top news yesterday was the finding that Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad may be Jewish.

I guess this means that the anti-Christ is a Jew after all. 

"Eddie Murphy has reportedly told a Dutch TV station, that he is not the father of Scary Spice's child-to-be.  Great news for people concerned with the coming of the Anti-Christ, terrible news for manufacturer's of silver bullets."

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez took his verbal battle with the United States to the floor of the U.N. General Assembly on Wednesday, calling President Bush "the devil."

---probably a simple translation issue.  I'm sure he just meant to say "anti-christ."