I'm convinced that my flat screen tv has anorexia.The feed I'm getting is erratic at best. 

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. I'm rapper T.I. The mother of two of my children has sued me for more child support. She claims that she's having a hard time supporting the boys with the $2,000 she gets from me every month. I think she's getting plenty of money, but she said she wants an amount that is equal to my success. What should I do?


Dear T.I.,

I hate to see you pay $2,000 a month for two kids, but there's a lesson in this: When it comes to having kids, it's best to stock up. You should have more kids with your ex so you can get a bulk discount on your child support.

Your project should be to get your ex's baby count way up there. Since you're no longer together and you're engaged to someone else, there's only one way to do it: You'll have to basically coat her entire world with your sperm.

The goal is to hit everything that comes within striking range of her uterus. Hit her furniture with a layer of sperm, and make sure to get both sides of the couch cushions. Load her underwear with sperm. Pack it into her shower head. Spermify all of her feminine products, and you'll have a baby that's fresh and ready to ride horses.

But if you need more of a quick fix, focus on making the existing kids cheaper to maintain. I recommend depression. It's a great cost-cutter.

If your kids are depressed, they'll eat less and their mom will need less money for food. And the kids will lose weight, which is perfect for you, since you can pay child support by the pound, now that obesity is so popular. To make sure the kids don't turn to stress eating, try to push them into some body-image issues. It turns out that anorexia is great for grocery savings. And it never expires.

The Star Savior

Anorexia means fat profits for the fashion world.

The fashion industry claims to be against eating disorders but with the crap they come out with, a weak confused shopper is definitely their best customer.

In a battle of food, bulimia wins. Its the only disease where you can have your cake and eat it too

After Nicole Richie’s DUI bust, Paris Hilton was upset at her former best friend for copying her. “First Anorexia, now this. Next thing you know she’s going to be blowing guys for cocaine, too.”

New York radio station 103.5 KTU reported today that Orlando Bloom has broken up with Kate Bosworth, this time because he was tired of telling her she has to eat. Indeed, Bosworth's disappearing body has gone beyond Nicole Ritchie's celebrated emaciation, and appears to be the most extreme case of Hollywood anorexia.

This confirms my theory about why relationships in Hollywood never last: because there’s no eating going on--and food is what sustains most relationships. What does a date look like in Hollywood? Movie and a movie? 

I guess if Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt are any indication, it seems that doing drugs together just isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Besides, how are you going to be nice to someone when your stomach is always empty?

It's an irony: boys don't like fat girls, so we starve ourselves to attract the boys, but once we get them, we don't have the strength to have sex with them.

It's also ironic how many starlets over the years have expressed a desire to solve world hunger. They must just believe that starvation should be a choice people can make for themselves.