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Search "Animals" returned 102 Jokes
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Matthew Wilding
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sexy animals

By: Matthew Wilding (C)
Submitted: Feb 8, 2010
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Animal

1183 Jokes  36 Videos

Dutch authorities have officially banned beastiality in the Netherlands. Bad news for HornyHorses.com. Great news for HorseFacedSingles.net. 

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DARREN MARLAR
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PETA Wants a Robot Groundhog

By: DARREN MARLAR (C)
Submitted: Jan 27, 2010
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

PETA

35 Jokes

An animal rights group wants organizers of Pennsylvania's Groundhog Day festival to replace Punxsutawney Phil with a robotic stand-in.  People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals says it's unfair to keep the animal in captivity and subject him to the huge crowds and bright lights that accompany tens of thousands of revelers each Feb. 2 in Punxsutawney, a tiny borough about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh.  ***MARLAR: The rest of us think it’s unfair to keep us captive to PETA’s freakish opinions.


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will
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Talking Doll

By: will  (C)
Submitted: Jan 27, 2010
Category: Weird  
From Hot Topic

Animal

1183 Jokes  36 Videos

Steve Irwin, The Croc Hunter, died a tragic death several year's ago.  Now his daughter, Bindy has her own talking doll.  It says upbeat phrases like: "Let's save planet Earth!" and "All animals are our friends!"

I think it ought to say: "Dad, watch out!  It's a giant stingray!"


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Jimmy Canale
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Okay Kids...START DIGGING!!!

By: Jimmy Canale (C)
Submitted: Jan 4, 2010
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Animal

1183 Jokes  36 Videos

In recent news, investigators dug up more than 18 dead animals in the backyard of the Selden home of Sharon McDonough.  She is charged with multiple counts of animal cruelty and lost temporary custody of several of her children.  In McDonough's defense, she told the press she was simply planning for her son's next birthday party, an educational archeological dig in her family's backyard!


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DARREN MARLAR
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Pooper Scooper Law

By: DARREN MARLAR (C)
Submitted: Dec 19, 2009
Category: Weird  
From Hot Topic

Wisconsin

126 Jokes

Badge? Check! Gun? Check! Pooper Scooper?  Maybe not. Officials in Madison, Wisconsin, are considering a proposal that would exempt police from the local pooper scooper law.  For now, officers who are part of mounted patrols or K-9 units have to pick up after the animals, just like every other pet owner.  The measure to be considered by the city council would drop the droppings requirement for officers while on duty. One alderwoman notes that picking up the droppings can be difficult for the mounted officers who do crowd control at the University of Wisconsin football games.  ***MARLAR: Actually, if you left the doo on the ground, wouldn’t the crowd size be a lot more manageable?

 


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timmy Lassie
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Vick vs. Woods

By: timmy Lassie (M)
Submitted: Dec 14, 2009
Category: Sports  
From Hot Topic

Michael Vick

103 Jokes  1 Videos

Why is it that Professional sports will let Michael Vick score touchdowns after abusing animals but won't let Tiger Woods get 1 ho in one, 2 ho's in one, 3 ho's in one, 4 ho's in one, 5 ho's in one, 6 ho's in one, ect....

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DARREN MARLAR
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Don't Stare at the Chimps

By: DARREN MARLAR (C)
Submitted: Nov 18, 2009
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Animal

1183 Jokes  36 Videos

Don't stare at the chimps! That's the new rule posted at the zoo in Antwerp, Belgium. Of course, you can't feed them, either. Zoo officials are particularly concerned about a male chimp named Cheetah. They worry that people staring at Cheetah will prevent him from bonding with the other apes at the park. He was raised by humans, but the zoo keepers say Cheetah is now making contact with others of his kind. ***MARLAR: So, in other words, go ahead and pay the big bucks to get into the zoo – but whatever you do, DON’T LOOK AT THE ANIMALS!

 


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DARREN MARLAR
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Puppets Get H1N1

By: DARREN MARLAR (C)
Submitted: Nov 16, 2009
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Swine Flu

78 Jokes  5 Videos

Looks like the stuffed animals and hand puppet industry may be the latest casualty of H1N1. In Minneapolis, Hennepin County libraries say plush toys and hand puppets will no longer be available for checkout or play, partly because of H1N1 flu concerns. Puppets have been available at less than half of the 41 libraries in the suburbs and in Minneapolis and some are allowed to be checked out. And while there's no way to know if anyone has gotten ill through the puppets, the libraries are sensitive to the real threat and public sense that puppets might be germy. So for now the kids will only have toys that can easily wiped down.  ***MARLAR: Miss Piggy is insistent it has nothing to do with her.

 


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Flannigan McGaffigan
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WANTED: VOLUNTEERS FOR RESEARCH

By: Flannigan McGaffigan (M)
Submitted: Nov 16, 2009
Category: Weird  
From Hot Topic

Animal

1183 Jokes  36 Videos

WANTED: VOLUNTEERS FOR RESEARCH

Rodell Vereen was sentenced on Wednesday, November 4, to three years in prison after being caught, on video, having sex with a horse.  He admitted to buggery and pleaded guilty, for the second time in two years, to abusing the animal.

In a related story, on Tuesday, November 10, British scientists announced the beginning of a new study on using human DNA in animals!

Is the timing of these two news events is just a coincedence, or do the Brits have a study participant in mind?


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DARREN MARLAR
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Snakes in the Basement

By: DARREN MARLAR (C)
Submitted: Nov 4, 2009
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Animal

1183 Jokes  36 Videos

It was pretty creepy and crawly – even for New York’s Bravest.  Firefighters in the New York City borough of Queens found snakes and creepy critters galore when they responded to a small basement fire.  Lieutenant Ed Ireland says it was like something out of a science fiction movie.  After the smoke cleared, Ireland says he saw a ten-foot python slithering near his feet.  There were also two cobras, tarantulas, two small alligators, and other creatures.  The animals’ owner was cited for health code violations.  ***MARLAR: Samuel Jackson has already signed on for the movie.

 


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