Don't stare at the chimps! That's the new rule posted at the zoo in Antwerp, Belgium. Of course, you can't feed them, either. Zoo officials are particularly concerned about a male chimp named Cheetah. They worry that people staring at Cheetah will prevent him from bonding with the other apes at the park. He was raised by humans, but the zoo keepers say Cheetah is now making contact with others of his kind. ***MARLAR: So, in other words, go ahead and pay the big bucks to get into the zoo – but whatever you do, DON’T LOOK AT THE ANIMALS!

Looks like the stuffed animals and hand puppet industry may be the latest casualty of H1N1. In Minneapolis, Hennepin County libraries say plush toys and hand puppets will no longer be available for checkout or play, partly because of H1N1 flu concerns. Puppets have been available at less than half of the 41 libraries in the suburbs and in Minneapolis and some are allowed to be checked out. And while there's no way to know if anyone has gotten ill through the puppets, the libraries are sensitive to the real threat and public sense that puppets might be germy. So for now the kids will only have toys that can easily wiped down.  ***MARLAR: Miss Piggy is insistent it has nothing to do with her.

Rodell Vereen was sentenced on Wednesday, November 4, to three years in prison after being caught, on video, having sex with a horse.  He admitted to buggery and pleaded guilty, for the second time in two years, to abusing the animal.

In a related story, on Tuesday, November 10, British scientists announced the beginning of a new study on using human DNA in animals!

Do you think the timing of these two news events is just a coincedence?

   Ancient Al tells me that, during the Great Depression, some folks roamed local parks hunting small animals.  Apparently, hunger inspired unusual, desperate behavior.

   "It was a time of reversal," Al observes.  "The park became a place where pigeons and squirrels fed people." 

It was pretty creepy and crawly – even for New York’s Bravest.  Firefighters in the New York City borough of Queens found snakes and creepy critters galore when they responded to a small basement fire.  Lieutenant Ed Ireland says it was like something out of a science fiction movie.  After the smoke cleared, Ireland says he saw a ten-foot python slithering near his feet.  There were also two cobras, tarantulas, two small alligators, and other creatures.  The animals’ owner was cited for health code violations.  ***MARLAR: Samuel Jackson has already signed on for the movie.

A 65-year-old Maine woman was jailed for allegedly assaulting a state trooper with a stun gun during an investigation into whether she was hoarding animals at her house. The woman pleaded not guilty to multiple charges Thursday in Superior Court in Farmington. The woman was under a court order barring her from keeping animals after nearly 70 animals were found at her home in 2004 and she was convicted of animal cruelty.  ***MARLAR: Apparently she still has that problem, because now she's electrocuting pigs.

Humane officers say a Pennsylvania women marketed “gothic kittens” with ear, neck and tail piercing over the Internet. Officers with the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals removed three kittens and a cat Wednesday from a home outside Wilkes-Barre, about 20 miles southwest of Scranton. In a related story, Laura Koenig of Altoona is marketing her line of “biker bitches”. The female cats and kittens will arrive at your doorstep ready to crap on your floor, drink large amounts of beer and spread goodwill to any and all male animals.

Everybody has equal rights now a days... Animals,Women, Minorities, everybody but overweight people it seems.  When I do something, it should be referred to the same as it is with people of average weight.

 From now on, when I have sex, it will be referred to as regular old sex... not rape, and not inbreeding... I don't care if it was my unconscious cousin, it still counts!

Scientists at the University of Richmond in Virginia, studying pregnant rats, say that hormones released during pregnancy and after birth cause long-lasting changes in the brains of female rats that increase their ability to remember and learn new tasks. Although the research was limited to laboratory animals, the researchers believe it could have the same implications for humans. ***MARLAR: They expect this time next year to be able to train a pregnant woman to go through a maze to find cheese.

Malaysia has issued a list of names that parents are banned from giving their children.  It includes any name taken from animals, colors, insects, vegetables or fruits.  ***MARLAR: Apparently, their goal is to keep celebrities out of Malaysia.