Jamie Love is Going to Hell 

I was at a bus stop waiting for a bus when this cross-eyed boy stopped in front of me. He then started talking in sign language to another boy about the same age. As I watched theirconversation, one and then the other glanced at me. Of course, this made me wonder what they were talking about. Then I proceeded to get paranoid the way one does when people are speaking Spanish or Arabic in line at the post office.

As I considered what to do, it occurred to me that if I wanted to let them know I was on to them, I would haveto get them to read my lips. First I would have to get the attention of one of them: “Hey! Over here. Look at me!” And then I would have to speak clearly and slowly: “I-know-that-you-are-talk-ing-about-me, lit-tle fag-got!” Of course,there was the chance that neither boy could read lips, in which case they would probably give me a quizzical look, move away and continue talking, now almost certainly about me. This would drive me crazy.

Another possibility was that the boy’s eyes were crossed because he had caught dyslexia, maybe trying to read the lips of a person with crooked teeth, gold fillings and really big lips, at night. As a result, maybe he would read, “Hey! You know about me? Here I are,that little talking faggot. Look me over!” Then they would be sure to laugh at me in sign language. I wouldn’t know whether they were laughing at me, the little talking faggot or me, the little talking faggot with poor grammar. Trying to convince them that’s not what I said would only exacerbate the situation. And to make matters worse, people would get angry at me and say things like, “Hey, little talking faggot! Stop harassing the cock-eyeddeaf-mutes!”

After a while the cross-eyed boy was going on about something, and was looking away from his audience. He didn’t notice when the other boy walked away, so he continued to sign. Soon, he turned and saw that he was alone. When he continued to sign, I thought he was just finishing his sentence. But he didn’t stop. I was bewildered and looked in the direction he was facing to find his new audience. Nobody. What the fuck? Deaf people talk to themselves using sign language?

All kinds of possibilities popped into my head. For example, what happens with deaf people with acute schizophrenia?Does everybody have to wait their turn to use the hands? Or are some voices assigned to the left hand and the others to the right (with slight to moderate grammar and pronunciation problems)? And does this lead to altercations where one hand is used to shut the other up?

And if deaf people sign to talk to themselves, are they allowed to have important jobs, where it’s necessary to be able to keep a secret? I mean, could a deaf person be trusted to be a spy? And what if they sign in their sleep? The social, personal and national security implications are staggering. And what do deaf people say about deaf people who talk to themselves?

 http://www.yodio.com/yo.aspx?cardid=LhKC5psD7L6jnOape9mTB5

The thing about the information age is that there are people who see you here or there and then they feel like they need to tell you something or ask you about something- something you may not even know anything about.  They just pull out topics from the most vivid areas of their imagination.  It generates a problem for them, if they don't know you so sometimes people just wait until they get near you and they talk really loud, in hopes that you will take part in their conversations.  If that ever happens, it gets hard to do whatever you're doing, like reading, because a part of you may want to be sociable but then, it's like the person is trying to force you to be congenial.  Once you figure that out, you start feeling less congenial than normal.  Text messaging is to blame for this, and cell phones, because people feel like they should be able to talk to you, whenever they decide to, even if it's a little inconvenient for you.  It's like they need a cb.  The internet is the same way.  Instant messaging offers direct feedback.  There's no such thing as quiet time anymore- unless you shut all of your technology down.  I don't complain too much about it though, because if one has ever been to jail, one knows that you can't take your cellphone inside of lock-up with you. That makes some of us wish that there were little chips, that were in our say, arms, so that we could check on the ones we care about, or wonder about, during these times of technology free "vacation".  Then everyone would have to be bothered, at anytime, with someone elses decision to have a conversation.  Conversation is nice but there is a such thing as too much conversation.  I have been all conversed out, at times.  Sometimes you just want some silence, like when you're trying to think about money.  Money requires thought processes..  When people shoot dice, you don't hear many conversations going on, all at the same time.  You might hear one or two curse words but noone is going to be asking you about your day, when you're gambling.  You know why, because money making opportunities require concentration- not conversation.  Everything else is just hear-say and time killing.  Why should I want to converse?  Everybody I associate with is always just speaking a bunch of baloney.  I don't want to hear that.  I'm tired of hearing all that.  That got old.  I used to want to talk so bad that I'd call the chatline.  It can drain you.  Doing all that chatting on the phone made my ear feel like it was on fire, so I cut that out.  Now i have an earpiece, but I still don't have to seek out conversation all that often because I am taking college classes.  If you want to get tired of conversation and feedback, take a class.  You won't ever want to just talk to someone again because professors are some people who really have the gift of gab.  That's why they go to school to be teacher because they love to talk.  And they will talk you into hysteria, if you let them.  I'm a comedian, all I have to do is five minutes of standup.  By that time, I've said all that I have to say and I'm ready to shut up.

Charlie Sheen has a new spin off show where he lives alone, it's called TWO AND A HALF PERSONALITIES.

Northwest Airlines plans to make some big changes on it's troubled Amsterdam - Detroit flights . An NWA spokesman said today, " We plan to replace the present flight attendants with some really tough, middle-aged Irish-Catholic Nuns . They will be armed with yardsticks, pointers, and clickers ."

The attempt by 23-year-old Nigerian Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab follows the murders in Ft. Hood, Texas by Islamist-inspired Major Nidal Hasan in November.

Brian Jenkins, a terrorist expert for the Rand Corp., says there were at least 12 terrorist incidents on U.S. soil in 2009. More than in any year since 2001. The jihadists don't seem to like Americans any better because we're closing down Guantanamo. 

BUT my question is how do these guys get on the damn airplanes?There names alone  should be one flag. There countries of residence should be another flag. The fact that secrity was notified by relatives and (friends?) another flag. And how do they get liquids or powders on the flight?  We can't even get a can of baby powder or baby food jars on board.

I'm 72 years old, 5'5" tall, weight 120 lbs and I look like a geek and have a dorky name BUT every time I fly, they pull me out of line and do a full body and bag search (No that's not my wife). 

One time, while they were searching me they were also doing the same search of an old lady.  She was probably around 85 and she walked with a cane.  During the search a man with a turban, robes and sandals and a woman in a full burqa walked right through.

I know they don't want to be accused of profiling, but I think they're profiling us dorky, old geeks.  Who should I call to register a complaint?

Ever thrown money around when a hot woman was watching? Men are more generous around attractive women, a recent study confirms. Using a money earning age, British researchers found that men contributed more winnings to charity when they were being watched by a beautiful woman than when they were playing alone or being watched by another man. Men may be showing off to potential mates according to the report. ***MARLAR: In other words, “Hey, Baby – here’s how much money I COULD be blowing on you instead of these orphans...”

 My take on the Christmas Classic. 

Setting- Its Christmas morning, and the Who’s wake up pissed off that everything they own has been jacked by the Grinch, and are thirsty for blood.

 Narrator: All the Who’s down in Whoville awoke with a fright,

To find they’d been burglarized during the night.

With rage in their hearts the Who’s were eager to lynch,

And assembled a mob, awaiting the Grinch.

(Enter Angry Who 1, Angry Who 2, Cindy Lou Who, Mr. Lou Who, and Marty Jew Who)

Angry Who 1: Did that bastard the Grinch  rob your houses too?

Angry Who 2: He stole from us all, from ev-er-y Who!

Mr. Lou Who: He woke up my daughter as she slept through the night,

Said he gave her a drink to make her sleep tight.

He took our T.V., and the sofa from Levitz.

Marty Jew Who: For some reason he took all of my manischewitz!

Angry Who 1: Oh, Marty Jew Who, he stole Chanukah too?

Angry Who 2: The Grinch stole from everyone, including the Jew!

Mr. Lou Who: I’ve called up the cops, and they’re searching his cave.

Cindy Lou Who: I didn’t like the present that Santy Clause gave.

Angry Who 2: Quiet now, look! Over there at Mt. Crumpet!

Angry Who 1: It’s that fucker the Grinch! And he’s playing MY trumpet!!!

Narrator: So the Grinch headed down, Mistaking the ringing

Coming from Whoville as Christmassy singing…

(Enter Grinch)

Grinch: You move me, you Who’s, full of gay Yule Tide joys!

You still sing for Christmas though I stole all your toys!

But look at my sleigh, I have brought all of them back

Now let’s have a look at what’s in Santa’s sack!

Cindy Lou Who: You said that last night, I remember its true!

You said “Don’t you dare scream, I’ll kill you if you do!!

Angry Who 1: I’ve had enough of this shit, I’m taking him out!

(Enter Mayor, as the mob closes around the Grinch.)

Narrator: But right then the Who’s were all stopped by a shout!

Mayor: What’s going on here? What’s the point of this mob?

Angry Who 2: Mayor, last night that filthy old Grinch came to rob

Christmas

Marty Jew Who: And Chanukah

Angry Who 2: and now we are stuck with.

No gifts, so let’s teach him Who’s aint nothing to fuck with.

Mr. Lou Who: Mayor I think that the Grinch raped my daughter!

Right after he sent her to bed with a water!

Grinch: I never did that! How dare you accuse me!

I’ve brought back Christmas and all you do is abuse me!

Cindy Lou Who: You’ve been abused? Let’s have a look in your sack..

I doubt that you brought my virginity back.

Mayor: Before we judge him, remember his squalor

And compared to us his heart’s three sizes smaller.

(Enter Police man)

Police: We’ve just searched his cave, and well, it wasn’t pretty.

The place looked like a meth lab, and smelt pretty shitty.

We found his dog Max, who was beaten half dead

As he hauled up his sleigh with this horn on his head.

Max: woof woof

Police: He had child Who porn images that were filthy and vile

And Pete Towshend’s phone-number on his speed dial.

He lived in his filth, and had a substantial stash

In it was one pound and a half of Who hash,

Grinch: My heart’s grown three sizes sir, and I’m filled with remorse

Police: That’s ‘cause you’re on enough coke to bring down a horse.

It was there in your stash, along with PCP.

And in your cup Mary Lou, was probably a rufee.

Cindy Lou Who: It was I remember, my water it fizzed…

You said it was working, right before you

Grinch: That’s enough, alright, I’ve fucked up I’ll admit it.

But I can change my ways who’s, and the coke.. I can quit it.

Okay, I robbed Christmas, its right what you’ve told

I even stole Marty Jew Who’s stash of Jew gold.

And I rufeed the girl, and I raped her its true.

But after fifty years in that cave, Max just won’t do!

Max: Woof Woof!

Grinch: So, what would you do, all alone on Mt. Crumpet?

Going fifty years without a piece of Who Strumpet?

Mayor:  The Grinch has a point, ‘tis the season of giving

So let us Who’s begin by the act of forgiving!

Mr. Lou Who: Are you kidding me mayor? The grinch raped and robbed us!

We we’re ready to kill him, it was your ass who stopped us.

Angry Who 1: Let’s kill both of these fuckers! In time for the feast!

And we’ll dine on the Grinch instead of roast beast!

(They Attack Grinch and Mayor)

Narrator: So the Whos took the Grinch and they baked him alive

And the mayor served as stuffing and was stuffed up inside.

The Whos got their vengeance for the Christmas they were stuck with

And proved once and for all

ALL: WHOVILLE AINT NOTHING TO FUCK WITH!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS,

Marty Jew Who: and Shabbot Shalom!

All: TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.

Finished.

Sarah Palin said she meant no disrespect after she was photographed wearing a visor on which Sen. John McCain's name had been blacked out.  Palin explained that she was trying to remain "incognito" while vacationing in Hawaii.  If Sarah Palin really wanted to be left alone, she should have worn a visor with Joe Biden's name on it.

Confusious say, tiger who goes to bed alone with big problem, wake up with solution in hand.

It seems that Tiger was involved in another vehicular accident since he clobbered the hydrants. It appears that his Buick Enclave found out he was driving himself around in a skanky Escalade and ran him over in his driveway. The Buick and Tiger are now undergoing intensive counselling from GM Executives.  The Escalade continues to hold photo shoots for tabloids. A 1998 Hyundai Santa Fe has stepped forward and was going to hold a press conference, but cancelled at the last minute.

The hydrant will be the featured centerfold in Golf Digest Magazine's Christmas edition. The tree wood not comment and wanted us to leaf it alone.

Makes one wonder what GM will do with the Escalade... (it was on load to Woods)   should be put in the Smithsonian...  

2024.. now son, this is the Escalade that  turned a Tiger into a Cheetah pursued by a pussy.