Here's the deal.  I call this my Jesus Remix.  It's 2 jokes... same set up, but 2 different punchlines.  Here we go....

So I was driving down the road the other day and saw this guy holding up a sign that said, "Jesus Saves!"  And I couldn't help but think to myself, "Man, Wal Mart's got some stiff competition!"

REMIX

So I was driving down the road the other day and saw this guy holding up a sign that said, "Jesus Saves!" Which reminded me how much of a Jew he truly is!

 I try to keep things in my sex life fresh between me and my Girlfriend.  I actually created a new move the other week, I call it "Rape."  The key is, we do it when she doesn't feel like it!  She really gets into though, like when I'm about to finish she usually gets me in the face with some pepper spray, which REALLY doesn't even burn anymore, it's just like a light seasoning to sex!

Isn't it ironic that the same people who completely oppose abortion, wake up every morning and eat scrambled eggs? Well, I guess that's more hypocritical than ironic....  "Ya know, Jessica's going to hell for getting rid of that baby, however these half born chickens are DELICIOUS!" 

It takes years and YEARS for drugs to be approved for human use.  Yet, in like 20 days of the arrival of the Swine Flu they had already created the Swine Flu Shot.  Granted the shot has killed like 19 people.  But what if it DID cure you of Swine Flu, but also mutated you due to their speedy process?  Like, "Doctor, I AM feeling better now but, I'm a TALKING F*ckin' Turtle, What am I supposed to do now?  I don't even know Karate!"   

I wanna get a dog and name it "Stains."  That way, it's appropriate for me to go the park and yell out "Come Stains!"  

Stereotypes can put you in some awkward situations.  Like the other week I was out of town and getting hungry.  I didn't really know where any restaurants were, but I saw this black guy walking down the street and pulled over.  I said, "Excuse me sir, but could you tell me where the KFC is at?"  And he responded, "TYPICAL WHITE AMERICA, askin' the Black Man where the Chicken be at....  So you ASSUME because I'm a brother, that I know where the KFC's at?"  And I said, "NO Sir, you've got this ALL wrong.  I ASSUMED, since you were wearing the uniform that you could tell me how to get there!"  

2009 has been a big year for us.  We made history this year!  Got a new President... out with the Bush, in with the Fro!  President Obama declared 2009 the year of Change, but a lot of people believe we haven't seen that change.  I beg to differ.  I'm proud to say that after years of discrimination and fighting that FINALLY Taco Bell has offered us a Black Taco!  

The Cleveland Cavaliers have released center Lance Allred, the first legally deaf player in the NBA. Allred will probably be the last to hear the news.