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Search "Alcoholic" returned 58 Jokes
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will
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How Long Will You Live?

By: will  (C)
Submitted: Jul 29, 2010
Category: Weird  
From Hot Topic

Unemployment

163 Jokes  2 Videos

A recent study proports to estimate how long you have to live based on various life-events and life-style habits.

Unemployed or underemployed for the past 9 years. Check.  Former alcoholic. Check. Glass half empty frame of mind. Check. Married but miserable. Check. Male. Check.  Economic-disaster area of the country. Check.  Full of rage. Check.

I guess I have about 12 minutes to live.  Quick.  Rate this joke so I can die happy. 


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Marie
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Don't be a victim

By: Marie  (C)
Submitted: Jul 13, 2010
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

LOST

40 Jokes  4 Videos

Don't be a victim

 

Study: Many docs don't blow whistle on colleagues
  •  AP – Dr. A. Clark Gaither is seen at his family medical practice office in Goldsboro, N.C., Tuesday, July …

    CHICAGO – Your doctor could be drunk, addicted to drugs or outright incompetent, but other physicians may not blow the whistle.

    A new survey finds that many American physicians fail to report troubled colleagues to authorities, believing that someone else will take care of it, that nothing will happen if they act or that they could be targeted for retribution.

    A surprising 17 percent of the doctors surveyed had direct, personal knowledge of an impaired or incompetent physician in their workplaces, said the study's lead author, Catherine DesRoches of Harvard Medical School.

    One-third of those doctors had not reported the matter to authorities such as hospital officials or state medical boards. The findings, appearing in Wednesday's Journal of the American Medical Association, are based on a 2009 survey of 1,891 practicing U.S. doctors.

    Reporting a problem doctor can trigger important changes. Twenty-one years ago, a colleague smelled alcohol on a young physician's breath and anonymously reported him to the head of the residency program. A now-sober Dr. A. Clark Gaither is grateful.

    "I wish I knew who reported me," Gaither said. "I'd like to give them a big ol' hug and thank them for saving my life."

    Programs exist for retraining doctors with weak skills and getting addicted ones into treatment. But the survey results suggest doctors are not confident in the system, DesRoches said.

    The American Medical Association and other professional groups say doctors have an ethical obligation to make such reports. And many states require doctors to tell authorities about colleagues who endanger patients because of alcoholism, drug abuse or mental illness.

    Despite that, many doctors do not know what to do or where to start, DesRoches said.

    In an accompanying editorial, one ethics expert called the findings "jarring."

    "I don't think there's any excuse for less than 100 percent of physicians holding true to these ideals," said Dr. Matthew Wynia, director of the AMA Institute for Ethics.

    He called for better protections for whistleblowers and more education for doctors on how to report a colleague.

    The survey did not specify the type or severity of the impairment or incompetence, asking: "In the last three years, have you had direct, personal knowledge of a physician who was impaired or incompetent to practice medicine in your hospital, group, or practice?"

    Most states have programs that not only get doctors into treatment but also advise their colleagues how to intervene. Most will keep reports anonymous. Some use the threat of medical board sanction to persuade doctors to go to rehab.

    For Gaither, the first confrontation with concerned colleagues was in medical school. He reassured his fellow students he was fine. Even the second confrontation, from the program head who had heard the report of Gaither's alcohol-scented breath, did not take. Gaither signed a contract promising to stay sober, go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and submit to testing.

    "I went home and drank that night," he said. "I was thinking with an addicted brain, and I was an alcoholic."

    Finally, a third confrontation and the temporary loss of his training license forced Gaither into what he calls "a state of surrender." With help from the North Carolina Physicians Health Program, he got into a residential rehab program.

    His last drink was Jan. 21, 1990. Gaither, now 55, finished his residency and became a family doctor. He practices in Goldsboro, N.C., where he started a free mobile clinic for the uninsured.

    In 2002, the North Carolina Academy of Family Physicians named him Physician of the Year. He thanked AA and all the colleagues who confronted him and supported him in his acceptance speech.

    He now urges others to report what they know. "It is our duty," he said.

    Dr. Warren Pendergast runs the North Carolina program, which cooperates with the state medical society and state disciplinary board. About 200 doctors a year are referred for alcoholism, drug addiction, anger-management problems and depression.

    Ninety percent of addicted doctors who've been through the program remain clean and sober five years after treatment, Pendergast said.

    "They're motivated. They have a lot to lose," he said. Their reputations and careers depend on their participation in treatment. Colleagues of troubled doctors "can feel comfortable getting peers help rather than sticking their head in the sand," he said.

    Gaither, who speaks publicly about the program, said doctors worry that their troubled colleagues will lose their licenses and livelihoods if reported.

    "I ask them, 'Would it be better if they lost their money, their marriage, their home, their cars, their license and then their life?'" he said. "Does that sound better than getting them the help that they need?"

     See the Heidi Montag picture for first hand results of these tragic situations - -


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    will
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    Alcoholic Memories Brought To You By The Letter "F"

    By: will  (C)
    Submitted: May 26, 2010
    Category: Entertainment  
    From Hot Topic

    Bar

    759 Jokes  26 Videos

    Some of my best memories are of my childhood.  Nothing like Seseme Street with Snaufulusagus. Who could forget a day brought to you by the letter F?  Now that the ecomony is snuffed, I drink iced tea and tell jokes for kinks:

    So, the wife catches me sniffing her panites.  I tell her that I was just getting ready to do a load of laundry, yeah right, like she'd ever believe that...  

      


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    Steve Stout Jr
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    Burger King Brunch

    By: Steve Stout Jr (C)
    Submitted: Apr 29, 2010
    Category: News  
    From Hot Topic

    Burger King

    32 Jokes  1 Videos

    Burger King wants to start serving brunch The menu is set to feature a breakfast sandwich of eggs, cheese, tomato, ham, bacon and smoky tomato sauce served on Ciabatta bread, Whoppers and the BK Mimosa -- a nonalcoholic version of the classic cocktail with Sprite standing in for the traditional champagne. Standing in the corner to scare the hell out of you will be the Burger King himself.


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    Jacob Simon
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    "Just leave it open honey"

    By: Jacob Simon (C)
    Submitted: Mar 14, 2010
    Category: Weird  
    From Hot Topic

    Bar

    759 Jokes  26 Videos

    Telling a server to leave your tab open does not mean you're an alcoholic. Unless the server is a stewardess.


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    will
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    Killed a Pig!

    By: will  (C)
    Submitted: Mar 8, 2010
    Category: Weird  
    From Hot Topic

    Marriage

    2012 Jokes  27 Videos

    I got a midnight phone call from my alcoholic wife. "I just killed a pig with my car!" she screamed. "What should I do?"

    "Just kick it to the side of the road," I told her. "No big deal."

    "Okay," she replied. "But what about his motorcycle?" 


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    DARREN MARLAR
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    Officers Get Drunk For Drunk Driving Tests

    By: DARREN MARLAR (C)
    Submitted: Feb 27, 2010
    Category: Weird  
    From Hot Topic

    Bar

    759 Jokes  26 Videos

    Law enforcement officers in southwest Ohio were chugging down alcoholic drinks this week as part of a training exercise on how to give field sobriety tests. Several police officers and deputy sheriffs in Montgomery County volunteered to drink so colleagues could practice conducting the tests given to suspected drunk drivers.  ***MARLAR: Cops have to be drunk in order to give sobriety tests?


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    DARREN MARLAR
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    Chimpanzee Enters Drug Rehab

    By: DARREN MARLAR (C)
    Submitted: Feb 26, 2010
    Category: Weird  
    From Hot Topic

    Animal

    1472 Jokes  43 Videos

    Zhora, a chimp in a Russian zoo, has become addicted to smoking and an alcoholic after visitors gave him too many "treats."  "We asked visitors not to give him [alcohol and cigarettes], but it was all in vain," the deputy head of Rostov zoo, Nadezhda Yeutushenko, said. Yeutushenko told Russian press that Zhora was kept behind three rows of fences, but visitors still managed to throw him alcohol and cigarettes.  Zhora has now been transferred to a different city for rehab treatment.  ***MARLAR: There is no word as of yet from his roommate, David Hasselhoff. 


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    Dasher
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    Tiger Woods Challenge

    By: Dasher  (C)
    Submitted: Jan 23, 2010
    Category: Sports  
    From Hot Topic

    Tiger Woods

    1071 Jokes  18 Videos

    Tiger Woods Challenge

    Q: Why did Tiger Woods go to Hattiesburg, Mississippi to a sex clinic?

    Answer A: Because he had run out of white trash to pick up in Florida.

    Answer B: One state down; forty-nine to go.

    Answer C: Because Mississippi women like multiple partners. That's why they always say "Y'all come!"

    Answer D: A sex clinic? Dude! That's like an alcoholic moving in at Jack Daniel's house!

    Answer E: Because he thought the word "grits" meant a new sexual position. 


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    Scot Marinick
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    Valentines Day

    By: Scot Marinick (C)
    Submitted: Jan 14, 2010
    Category: Sports  
    From Hot Topic

    Valentine's Day

    61 Jokes  3 Videos

    They say the holidays are a hard time for Alcoholics to Stay sober. I would venture to guess for a sexaholic Valentines day would be a trigger. That is the day Tiger Woods is being released from his Sex rehab. I wonder if they have marathon meetings on that day? 


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