Academy Award winning actor Nicolas Cage says he is broke.

I guess this means he won’t be reimbursing me for the $12.50 I wasted on “Knowing.” 

An upstate New York high school senior suspended for 20 days because of a two-inch knife is fighting back. Matthew Whalen's family has retained a lawyer to appeal the suspension and clear his record. Lansingburgh Central School District Superintendent George Goodwin punished Whalen for having the small utility knife in a tool kit that was locked in the teen's car. Goodwin ruled it was a weapon that is forbidden on school property under Lansingburgh's "zero-tolerance" policy on weapons. Whalen -- an honor student, Eagle Scout and National Guardsman -- is scheduled to return to school Wednesday. He wants the suspension expunged because he's worried it might hurt his chances of gaining admission to the U.S. Military Academy.  ***MARLAR: These zero-intelligence policies leave no room for logic.  Why would you have to go out to your car to go get your knife when you could just as easily use a sharpened pencil to get the job done?  And pencils aren’t banned!  And if you really want to inflict pain on someone in the classroom, go for a paper cut with lemon juice – those aren’t banned yet either. 

The Sun's enormous plasma balls may wipe out our technology-driven civilization, says  NaturalNews.com.

"Natural fluctuations in the sun's atmosphere could cause it to fire a giant plasma ball at Earth, shutting down the planet's electric grids and leading to widespread social collapse, according to a report from the U.S. National Academy of Sciences (NAS).

In other words, if the sun decides to "teabag" us, we're dead.  Thought you'd want to know. 

Parenthetically, what's the contribution to the men in blue from the copper cartoonist that traces chalk outlines of homicide victims, alright?

Really, is a giant sized gingerbread man silhouette the pivotal point in cracking a cold case, huh?

I mean c'mon, has the alum from Stencil Art Academy gotten shelves full of citations from the mayor for his hop scotch detective digging?

Truth be told, I think in the past the commissioner probably encouraged the absurdity of the armature artistic arrester and I assume he adhered to it arrogantly, right?

 "Detective on behalf of the dept. I want you to know that…"

"Know that???"

"…That sure the DA had a signed confession, eye witness, and prints on the murder weapon but..."

"But???"

"…But your John Doe doodles on the pavement canvas beneath our feet is what keeps scum off the streets. You're the only thing standing between chalk and chaos."

"Yeah. Being a hero isn't a choice. It's just what I do."

Lets face it folks, from now on in the future the chalk chasers should color them in after they scribe the surrounding edge, you know?

Yeah that’s right, so it doesn't compare to a Salvador Dali homage to Casper.

Seriously how much of a clue could it be when it resembles a white shadow flattened by a steam roller, huh?

Look how are you going to get a hunch when they all mimic a pale power ranger Putty after being squeezed through a mail slot, okay?

Incidentally, listen nowadays who hasn't seen on TV when a police Picasso carbon copies the corpse with a thin white border before the carcass is hauled off to the morgue?

Bottom-line, if they are veraciously viewed as the star studded silver surfers of the squad then I would commit a crime on an enormous chalk eraser, boom!

Hey, it's the perfect crime, yeahhh!

And subsequently, you wouldn't even need an alibi, badabooyashaka!!!

PREFACE: The BCF is planning a roast for Tony V. and they wanted submissions for roast jokes. One guest was Bobcat Goldthwaite who is a funny comic in my eyes. I submitted a bit regarding him, but it was already rejected. But I might as well share it with my 2 fans on this site.lol

Bobcat Goldthwaite-Your acting range is amazing. You went from playing a slurring retarded guy in three Police Academys, to playing a slurring retarded guy in Destiny Turns On The Radio, and then that incredible performance opposite of Bill Murray in Scrooged, you know, the one where you played the slurring retarded guy. Gary Oldman has nothing on you. 

Heath Ledger won the Oscar for his performance as the Joker at last night's Academy Award ceremonies, beating out Robert Downey Jr. among others. Even though this proves that Ledger was the superior actor Downey remains the superior drug-taker.

To stay true to the spirit of the film, the Academy has agreed that if it wins Best Picture, it will win it as the first award of the evening, while winning an unimportant technical category to close the night.

Joseph Boone, Academy Award winning song writer of You Light Up My Life has turned director and has been accused of sexual assault by several wannabe actresses. Apparently he invited them over his house to audition, told them they would be playing a prostitute, gave them a few shots, and then had them perform sex acts on him. He defended himself by saying, "Hey, I just wanted to make sure they were right for the part."