Arnold Schwarzenegger broke his leg while skiing. Said the governor, "Pretty good, considering I'm only a Kennedy by marriage."

People around the world were devastated this week by the passing of beloved American icon, Homer Jay Simpson.

Waitaminnit...

Back in the days of dial-up, I once was spending an inordinate amount of time online when my mother wanted me to untie the phone line.

"Get up offa that thing," she barked.

"And dance til you feel better," was my reply. She wasn't amused.

Farewell, Godfather. You taught us the only real way to live. Hit it and quit it, baby. Hit it and quit it.

Deposed Iraqi Dictator Saddam Hussein was hung last night.

His mysterious last words: "I'm no scar. Dot com."

Witnesses report the faint refrains of a ukelele playing in the wind.

An Illinois couple bought their young daughter a Microsoft Zune media player from Wal-Mart. The gadget, they said, came preloaded with raunchy pornography. But when they went back to Wal-Mart to complain, the store manager blamed the situation on Microsoft. The couple disagreed, saying “there was nothing micro or soft about it.”

A Vermont Police department is distributing beer mugs with police logos on them to local bars to help remind patrons not to drink and drive. They also plan to distribute crack pipes with Whitney Houston's picture to remind people not to smoke crack.

The sound you now hear is the sound of a thousand garage bands quickly changing the names of their new videos to "Saddam's Execution" and uploading them to YouTube.