...now that my dad is getting older, i am concerned about his health...i was asking him about his regularity, and if everything was ok....he said, "i pee every morning precisely at 6 am....and i have a bowel movement every morning precisely at 6:30"...i said to him, "sounds like everything's ok, right?"....he said, "not exactly...i wake up at 7 am." 

Gerard Damiano, the director of "Deep Throat", has died at the age of 80.  And thanks to karma, the Grim Reaper didn't warn him at all before coming. 

I live in Sucker Brook, NY

But I take online classes in Cockatoo Grove, CA

My brother lives in Bitch Lake, ID

And I vacation in Hoboken, NJ

I need a network that will let me live the way I want to... in a place called:

SuckerCockaBitchaHo

Manuel Uribe, the world's heaviest man, married his longtime girlfriend Claudia Solis Sunday in northern Mexico.  The bride was decked out in a strapless ivory dress while the groom wore a white polyseter tarp. 

Sarah Palin.

Ted Stevens.

Anyone have the receipt so we can return Alaska to Russia and get a refund?

Barack Obama's campaign has approached Illinois Rep. Rahm Emanuel about possibly serving as White House chief of staff, officials say.   Officials say Obama will choose the other eleven disciples at a later date. 
 

Thousands of dead Floridians are registered to vote and some in Central Florida had ballots cast in their names long after their deaths. After hearing the news, John McCain immediately headed down to Florida to campaign directly at the cemetaries.

Last night Barack Obama's political commercial aired on NBC, CBS, FOX, and a few cable networks.  In a counter move, tonight John McCain will appear in a commercial for Flomax.  

Steven Warshak, owner of Enzyte, was found guilty of 93 counts of conspiracy, fraud and money laundering and sentenced to 25 years in prison. His spokesman stated that Steven was "Doing intensive field study reformulating the recipe and will add 2 new ingredients, black cock and his ass."

An Ohio judge recently ruled that election officials must accept provisional ballots from homeless voters, a move widely regarded to benefit Barack Obama since low income populations have a tendency to vote Democrat.

I actually think the homeless were some of the first Obama supporters.  Since the very beginning, they've been out on the street demanding change.

Isiah Thomas was rushed to the hospital after overdosing on sleeping pills. Which is the best way to watch a Knicks game.